KEEPING THE LOVE TANK FULL.
If everyone is called upon to tell there own description of love, we'll all have something to say because at a point in our lives, we fall in love. There's this popular quote that "love makes the world go round." Even Paul prove this quote in (1 Corinthians 13-13)-
"Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love".
For love, no mountain is too high to climb mountains, for love we'll swim the red sea and cross the Sahara desert . We do so many unimaginable things for love.
Love is the most important word in English language and you will also agree with me that it is the most controversial and confusing word. We use it in a million and one ways. We say "I love pizza" 🍕 and within a split second, "I love my Dad."
We speak of loving :
- Objects like car, wears, food, houses
- Persons like wife, mother, dad, husband, brother, sister, children.
- Animals like dogs and cats
- nature like trees, flowers, weather.
As if that is not confusing enough, we use Love to explain our behavior. " I did it because of my love for her". That explanation is used for all kinds of actions. A man committing adultery will call it love but the pastor will call it sin. The parent's indulges all the son wishes calling it love but on the other hand, family therapist calls it irresponsible behavior.
So what then is Love??
The aim of this post is not to add more confusion about love but to focus on the love essential to our emotional health. According to children psychologist, every child has a certain basic emotional need that must be met for them to be stable emotionally. This needs are "love and affection". Adequate supply of these two makes them responsible citizens. In the absence of these, they misbehave.
A typical example is the story of a young girl called Rita, who got infected with sexual transmitted diseases at the age of 13. When she was interviewed by Dr Gary, she explained to him of her parents divorce when she was much younger and always had this crazy feeling that her dad left because of her. So, when her mom got married again, I felt mum now had someone to feel that vacuum in her heart but I'd no one to love me until Brian came into my life at the age of 10. I really felt he loved me. I didn't want to have sex, I just needed to be loved.
Though Rita's mum and Step dad provided her with all the Material things they thought she needed as a way of expressing there love for her, Her love tank was still empty because they were not speaking Her primary love language.
A man once said that "what good is money, cars, Jewelries and house, if your wife doesn't love you. What he is simply trying to tell us here is that " more than anything, I want the love of my wife." material things can't compensate for emotional love.
The emotional need for Love, is not simply a childhood issue, It is something we all grow with into adulthood and into marriage. The "falling in love " experience is like a quick fix that is temporary and has a predictable life span. After we are free from the "falling in love" obsession, the real emotional need for Love resurface because it is the center of our emotional desires. that's what makes a marriage work.
Often times, ladies do complain of this same lack of human emotional love. You will hear them say
"he ignores me every blessed day but at every slightest opportunity want to jump in bed with me, I hate it."
it's not as if she hates sex but she just want that emotional love.
Something in our nature, just crave out to be love by one another. That's why when you're isolated it causes damages to the human psyche. The more reason solitary confinement is one of the dangerous punishment in prison. Marriage was made to meet the need for intimacy and love. Even the Bible mentioned for husband and wife to be one flesh. (mark 10:8). This means they will enter into each others lives in a deep and intimate way.
But if love is very vital in a marriage, it is also elusive. In some talk shows hosted by Gary Chapman, he said married couple have come to him because the inner ache had become unbearable. Others have come because there behavior pattern or misbehavior of there spouse is destroying the marriage, some come to tell him that they are tired of marriage.
- Could it be that every individual has an " invisible love tank" that is gauge is running empty? Or
- the result of all the quarrels, fight and harsh words is due to that empty love tank??
From my own opinion, I am convinced that keeping emotional love tank full is as important as feeling the car tank with fuel for it to be functional. Running your marriage on an empty "love tank " may cost you more than trying to drive your car without fuel.
Before going ahead to discuss more on the love languages by Gary, we've to discuss one confusing phenomenon : the euphoric experience of "falling in love. "
Stay tuned to see more on this series .
To follow up on the first episode, visit: what happens to love after the wedding!!?
You have a minor grammatical mistake in the following sentence:
It should be their own instead of there own.Thanks for pointing that out..
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