Debts and Debtors: How not to borrow money for your friends. Rules to not borrow money

A few years ago I needed an urgent amount of money for the company to unlock the run. Some clients did not pay in time and I could not take over other orders. It was not a big sum, a few thousand euros, but there was money I did not have. Because I did not have them, I could not make any more money.

I was pretty pressed. I do not know if you know what a small company owner in Romania is going through. Sleep is not sleeping. There were times when I was dreaming that I was working, that I was looking for solutions ... and I woke up in the middle of the tired night because of the dream effort. It is not a joke! I'd like to be a joke, but it's not.

At that time when I needed urgent money I met a coffee with a friend who had a profitable business and it was pretty good. Imagine that my mind was still in a feverish search for solutions, because we did not produce anything. I was facing him in front of him, we were talking to ours ... and for a moment he went through his head to ask him money ...

It took only a few seconds ... I drove off my thought and continued to feel good.

I realized that I would have ruined everything with that person for a situation that could be solved without borrowing. When you have a valuable person and financial strength, everything you want from your relationship with that person is to be on the same footing. The moment you borrowed money from him, everything you built with him, you build or you will build at some point is ruined.

The image of the future with me losing him as contact and friend was much darker than the financial lock in which I was.

I am not a religious person in the true sense of the word, but I can not fail to notice that even the Bible accuses the action of borrowing you. The main idea to be deduced from it is that if you borrow money, you invariably become the servant of a man instead of serving God.

If you transpose this into a philosophy of your own finances, when you have borrowed money, you are constrained to stop working for your dreams, but to the problematic reality that you have created.

On the way back, at the wheel, I made calculations. I got to the office, took a sheet of paper and started writing all my debtors on paper. Personal debt that others had to me. When I fired, the borrowed money exceeded the amount I needed. They were debts some years old! I put my hand on the phone, I started to remember them, I told them I needed money and the majority refused.

Besides, I felt humiliated that I must love for my own money. I did not want to borrow, because it was not in my style ... and those who would give it to me did not give it to me because they did not even have it now.

Finally, I succeeded in making a contract and unblocking my business, but the incident has remained in my mind.

Those who borrow frequently are usually compulsive buyers who buy / spend on impulse. I'm not talking about special cases, but about those who are always in debt to friends. Because they have a constant need to buy based on the momentum impulsiveness, they can earn well, the money never gets them. And so it develops an incredible ability to take money from others to borrow.

The irony is that you often have lower income than they ... and most of the time they are the ones who do not have money in their pockets.

There are times when you can refuse even moments when you can not even figure out how to make money out of your pocket.
Because we have met many people over the last 10 years, we have come close to being "compulsive payers," who are in a continuous activity of borrowing money and active strategies to postpone their infinite return (to the point where, perhaps, the debt is cleared).

I remember being amused by a situation with a buddy who already had a debt to me and is still trying to borrow from time to time. Everyone I knew, I knew we did not have to borrow money. Because I knew he did not give the money back and usually because he already had a debt to me, it was very easy for me then to refuse it. I remember that at some point he met me with a destroyed girl. She told me that his girlfriend is pregnant and has no abortion money.

I put my hand in my pocket and I listened to his firm promises that he would give them back in maximum 2 weeks (in the conditions they were already owed to me) and being impressed that this time he "made me" and that it was not never see the money. At that time, I had just left the faculty banks and the money did not fall out of the trees or me. I did it for the emotional story, because they were VERY young and because it seemed destroyed. I do not even know if it was an invention, I never asked him or his abortion girlfriend. I did not want to know. At the same time, the money I have never seen before.

That's how a compulsive debt acts and I know a few in my life. Happy people with whom you can have fun, but who find 'creative' methods through which you enter your pocket.

Unfortunately, the loans (apart from exceptional situations) do not do well for the person you want to help, almost any scenario for which you are asking for money. On the contrary, you only want to add to the problems he has, and you also make yourself sick, trying to get him back. From this point of view it's healthier to donate than to keep track of their recovery. Moreover, you lose the relationship with that person.

Rules not to borrow money!

Rule no. 1. If you said "yes" once, be sure to tell the same person!

For example, the worst excuse you may have when borrowing someone's money is to think that you have escaped if you do not give them back, that they will not borrow you next time.
Also, if someone has borrowed from you once, no matter how much you want to think you can refuse it in the future, you will find a way to say "yes" again because he knows it's possible.

Therefore, whenever you have the opportunity to borrow someone for the first time, they calculate the situation well.

Rule no. 2. "No" is holy

A "no" firmly generates non-action on the part of the other and will look for victims elsewhere. Unfortunately, this rule does not work well unless you respect it and make exceptions. Otherwise, rule no. 1 !

Rule No.3. Tell him you give him a reply in 24 hours!

Those who borrow help a lot of the pressure they put on the one in front of them, they make it hard to make a decision for the moment.
It's not the most "correct" method, but if you tell her you're going to give him a 24-hour response, you have time to reject it as a book when there's no emotional pressure on him. This method is for those who feel weaker than the angel.

Rule no. 4. "I'm sorry, in principle I do not borrow money!"

It is also the method I approached, it is the most correct from the point of view of all, along with rule no. 2. You say, "I'm sorry, I have a rule that I do not always violate, I do not borrow my friends."

It is irrational that if you are firm and hold your position, you will no longer be approached by the person concerned in the matter of loans. He will respect your rule and appreciate being a friend 🙂 If you are not authentic, he will appeal to you.

Rule no. 5. "Brother, I'm in your situation"

I was surprised at one point, I was having a coffee with two friends. One went into the victim's position and started to say he was in urgent need of money. I have used rule no. 4, especially since that person was very close to me. When he saw he did not have a chance at me, he turned to the other ... and started a soap opera.

They both started shouting!

"Brother, I have no laughter. And I wanted to ask you to honor me! I'm sick of it all! "
"Man, it's critically urgent ... I do not know what to do."
"I'd give you the shirt on me, but I need money, I'm in a big shit"

And they kept her so good. It's a fairly efficient method, when you feel like the other wants to borrow, you start beating yourself. It's not my favorite, but it's terribly successful. And it's also funny, because at some point, both actors seem to want to show who's doing it worse.

Other tips and the story of the loan broke with the sponge

You have no reason to feel guilty, you have to be aware of this. It is not your responsibility for the financial situation of others. The situation is somewhat similar to the action of giving money to a beggar who, from begging, earns more money than you do. Yet you do it. Why?

Also, if a known person has a bad situation and INTR-ADEVAR is doing well then DO NOT LOVE. Simply give it that money and forget about it. It's much more correct, I say again, for both of us. You have done well, the other person has thoughts of gratitude towards you that will bring you good things in the future.

But beware! Cases like the one above, where you can do well for someone else's money, are under 1%. In 99% of the situations, the activity of borrowing money or giving money causes harm to the other person and you.

A week or two ago, I met a friend I made in Greece, the owner of a large dairy factory in northern Romania. His story is the reason I write this article.

Someone in the town where he had a big debt to him and the time passed and there was no sign of giving back. From time to time, my boyfriend went through the front of the debtor's home ... and was surprised to see that he was growing up with the house, something quite disturbing, as he was "sold". It has been for months, the debtor's yard has been growing ever more flourishing, and my friend, every time she walked through the front of the house, had a weakness. Most nervous, most likely. He felt unjust.

When she told me she laughed and said, "I felt like that ... and f **** and the money you took! I just made myself sick because he owed me. At mental and physical level. At one point I stopped in front of his house, called him in front of the gate and said,

"Look what it is, consider the money you owe me a gift from me. I do not want to give you any money any more, you are free from me, we are a dummy. We simply clear the debt!

He tried to convince me that he would give them back, let him down, but I really did not want to hear. I told him that from my point of view he has no duty to me. It was like a 'loosening', because from that moment I was quiet again. "

"Well, he gave you the money back?"

"Of course not, but that's not important, because I do not expect that money anymore. And that's good for me. Loans between friends do harm to both people, but especially to the borrower, because he does harm. If you want to help someone who really needs help, you give him. But do not borrow! "

Final questions

If you do not fit into the compulsive debtor's pattern, I'm convinced that you had at one point friends who still borrowed from you, that you did not even have more of them. Do not forget that usually, in one form or another, the people around you are your mirror.