The goals and the family we make
Meet Dan, Lucas and Randi.
These three are regulars in the 9AM class I attend at Hoosier Athletic Club. All three are ridiculously badass. Dan is an HAC original member. Lucas and Randi are both fairly new to the crew, but they have both already surpassed their own expectations in strength and endurance. Fun fact: Lucas, Randi and gym owner, Shaun, all were in the same high school class. They found themselves reunited by CrossFit in a different city.
But back to goals, because that’s what I’m talking about today. We all have them. I spent today helping another friend meet her goal of having her home ready for her impending baby. My pictured buddies were probably getting their sweat on, and I wanted to be there with them, but a goal I have is physically showing up for friends.
Bear with me. This ties in with the gym. I didn’t make it to the gym this morning, but I did make it to Lili’s apartment where I helped a mutual acquaintance sort and put away Lili’s things while Lili napped. And when Lili woke up, I sat with her for four hours and listened to everything on her mind. It was in no way a burden. I love hearing what she has to share. And my two daughters got to be there with us, enjoying her space and prepping for her son’s arrival. But it was hard for me to get there. It was a struggle even though I wanted to be there.
And that is progress.
I’ve been hurting a lot lately. I feel alone in a number of ways that relate to my family not being present the way I imagined they would. My little family is going through our own tough (but beautiful) time. Lots is in flux. I could use a hug from my mom right now but it’s not safe to get one.
It’s actually okay that my family can’t show up for me right now. This is a learning experience. I’m learning how to build other types of family, like with Lili. I’m learning about prioritizing people when we love them, whether we agree with or are happy about their choices. For the record, I am in full support of Lili, but the point is I would love her regardless. And this means showing up when she needs me.
I learned this by showing up for myself at the gym. By watching Dan, Lucas and Randi show up. By staying after a hard class with them and working on a skill we needed to develop. Had I not committed to achieving health and wellness goals this year, I wouldn’t be capable of showing up for Lili.
This is huge for me. Leaving my house is hard. I’m not scared of the outside, but I prefer my creature comforts. Going to another person’s house is the emotional equivalent of having teeth pulled without anaesthetic. Today I went to a house far away. It was fine. It was fun. And I was there for someone who needed me.
This makes me grateful. I know I’m stumbling a bit, but that’s what I wanted to say. I did a thing. It was hard. I’m glad I did it. I want to do more of it. Just like going to the gym.