Just For Laughs: My Date Wey Blind

Okay, so this is most definitely for the Africa folks who probably enjoy and love the Pidgin English Language.

Here's a little something....
Just for laughs.... 😂

It was supposedly an original entry into @naijapidgin's Blind Date Contest but since the contest is over, I decided to post it here nonetheless.

Have a good laugh 😂

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Na one hot afternoon wey I just comot from camp wey I go serve my papa land.

As I tanda enter my original papa house, my mama and Papa Don happy well well.

Na me be the first to graduate for we house, naim make them dey proud of me.

My mama com sama me hot banga soup and starch.

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E don tey wey I chop sontin like that.

As I wash my hand begin dey hammer the wakis as hunger don beat me well well, naim my mama tie wrapper con dey look me one kain.

I dey surprise o

I con ask am say why she been dey look me laidat, she say na because e don tey wey she see me chop.

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Me I know say the tory pass laidat but I no talk.

My belle dey sweet me as I dey chop.

I chop finish, my mama con say she go help me pack plate.

Shuo....

Which levels na?? I ask my mama.

"Make you no worry, I want make you rest". My mama yarn me.

E never too tey wey I chop finish naim my mama waka come meet me.

Mama: Oh baby, now wey you don finish school, you don serve finish, na to marry remain o.
Wen you go bring the guy na??

Me: Shuo, mama 😱
Na wetin you be wan talk since, naim make you dey do me totori for my body as if I be omomo.

Mama: You no say you don big finish. Boyfriend you no even get. How you wan take marry?

Me: Abeg, I no want all these small small boys Jare. I no get time for dem. I no dey like all these kind discussion. I go marry when time reach. No dey put me for pressure.

I talk waka leave my mama go my room...

E never too tey naim dem tell me say Chioma dey find me.

Chioma na my course mate for school that year.
She been dey come our house sometimes, even sleep self.

As I reach parlour, I see my mama with Chioma dey discuss strong tin.

I no know wetin dem dey talk but na wetin oyinbo dey call "undertone" naim dem dey use talk.

As I show for dem front, dem keep kwayet.

I no even send dem.

Me with Chioma talk reach night until she wan comot.

My mama say she go escort Chioma go.

Fear catch me 😱

E never happen before. I con dey ask am why, she tell me say na because she wan buy sontin for market, naim make her wan escort am.

I say okay, make we three excursion am, she say no, say she go like make I rest.

I no get time to dey reason anything, I just leave dem.

After like 4 days, my mama come meet me for room con dey tell me say e get one fine bobo wey she go like make I meet.

She talk beta beta tins about the bobo sha

I con say okay, I go meet am.

Dem don already arrange place, time and everything. She tell me say im name na Steven. Say he don dey wait for me.

Naim I carry my kaya comot for we house that afternoon.

Come reach the restaurant dey look round.

As I dey, one guy wey fresh like original tomato waka come meet me.

Guy: You must be Juliet right?

Me: How you take know? Na you be Steven?

Guy: Yeah right, I'm Steven.

Me: Abeg dey your lane, na who you dey form porshe for?
You fit buy am?

Guy: Baby no vex. I no know say you na streetz o. How far you na. Wetin you go like chow??

Me: Make dem give me fried rice, plantain, chicken 🐔 and egg, make I use am hold body small.

Waiter come, con collect we order.

Me with Steven come dey gist.

As the waiter come, she use mistake troway water for Uncle Stevo body.

Naim he spark. 😡

Are you blind?
Is that how you treat your customers here?
What nonsense...

Me, I no even know wen I begin call am "baby"

"Baby, it's okay... Calm down, na mistake she do"

"Which kind yeye mistake. I go just land my hand na na na inside her face"
"See how she be like winch"

For my mind, I say na bcos you sef na winch na.
Na why you know your people dem.

I just dey pray make we chop finish make I dey go my house.
I no dey comfortable again......

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E be me like say im dey smell.

As I reach house, I block Steven number.

Tell my mama make she no try that tin again.

She ask me wetin happen.

I con nack her the full tory.

She talk say make me no vex, say na Chioma idea.

Na dat day I say make Chioma no carry im two yam leg waka com my domot again.

I hope say una enjoy am.

My name na Juliet Israel and I no go do Blind Date again.