Lunch Is Served!: That Time I Nabbed a Fully Clothed Role in a Softcore Movie

in #nonfiction6 years ago

“Whatever you are, be a good one.” -Abe Lincoln

It was a phone call I’ll never forget.

“Hello? Kim, it’s Janet, Mia’s friend. Do you have a sec?”

(Their names weren’t really Janet and Mia. But I think Janet still casts things and would probably prefer it not to be known that she once hired people for a Skinemax movie. Anyhoo, she’s only integral to the beginning of the story.)

“Yes, sure! I can talk.”

My heart started beating a bit faster. After all, Janet was a casting director and I was a recently graduated theatre major with very few job prospects. This could be good.

“Great. Can you fit a size eight uniform?”

This was not the intro I was expecting. But that was my size.

“Yeah, uh, I’m a size eight.”

“Awesome! Are you free tomorrow? The shoot’s in Encino, and you’ll have two lines. We had someone back out, and you have to fit into her uniform. You’ll be playing the housekeeper.”

TWO WHOLE LINES?!?

My mind reeled with excitement. This could be my ticket to the big time! Scoring two lines in a movie without an audition!
But then…

“Oh and, uh, you’re fine with being in a movie where there’s, like, naked people and stuff, right? They aren’t actually having sex, but it’ll look like they are when the movie is cut together. And your character isn’t naked at all.”

She’d buried the lead a bit, but she was honest. She didn’t try to obfuscate or sugarcoat. This was the gig. And it did give me pause, but only for a second. After all, it was the first legit job offer I’d been offered since graduating.

“Do I have my dialogue with the naked people?” I asked.

To this day, I literally have no idea why that sprang to mind. I pictured some weird kind of scenario where I would be, like, voyeuristically hanging out with the naked people. And that obviously would be a no-no. But the two lines dangled in my brain like a carrot. I had to book this role.

With bated breath, I waited for her to answer about the naked people.

“Nope! They’ll be totally clothed in both of your scenes with them.”

YES! I wanted to dance with jubilation.

“I’m in,” I replied immediately. “So…will someone be sending me the script or…”
“Ah, no!” Janet shot back quickly. “You’ll just get the script tomorrow morning when you arrive on set.”

Whoa!!! Hold up. Tomorrow morning?!? That’s like eighty-six hours too late!

This was completely frustrating to my overtrained theatre brain at the time. How would I have time to prepare the housekeeper role? I would have no time to employ any of my Method acting skills, and this thing might require hours of work. At the very least, working on the character’s backstory was a must. Her name, Hilda, sounded European. Was she born in Europe or just descended from Europeans? How had that impacted her worldview?

I’m not exaggerating at all! This was how I used to think—and prepare—back in the day. And I wasn’t about to let the fact that this was an adult movie get in the way of my process. Nor was I going to let on to Janet how heartbreaking it was that she had given me so little time to prepare. No, I decided that she had entrusted me with this part, and I was determined to do a damn good job. They were paying me a whole two hundred dollars—manna from heaven, as I was non-union at the time!—and I was fully focused on becoming the best damn housekeeper I could be.

The morning of the shoot dawned bright and early, another beautiful Southern California day. I hopped into my teal Z28 Camaro and sped up the freeway to the set, the butterflies in my stomach just starting to take flight. Would I be able to inhabit this role in the manner I intended? Hopefully I wouldn’t disappoint anyone. In order to have ample time to prepare, I arrived about an hour ahead of my scheduled call time. I pulled up the location, a beautiful house tucked up into the hill. A production person spotted me as soon as I started driving down the street, probably because my V8 engine was obscenely loud (in the most magnificent way). He pointed me towards a parking spot nearby and then walked me into the house, where everyone was thrilled to see me. I learned very quickly that it’s great to be a replacement for an actor who backs out; everyone is so relieved you’re able to do the job that they treat you like royalty.

But then it turned out that choosing to come early may have created some intended consequences.

“Oh great, you’re here early!” the director exclaimed as soon as I was brought to her. “We might try to get your shots in then. Take her to wardrobe and hair and makeup right away!”

I was horrified. Absolutely horrified. It was quickly becoming obvious that I might have to deliver these lines without creating my character’s backstory.

Shit! Shit Shit! How will I live with myself?

But I also couldn’t stop staring at the director. She was not what I was expecting. After all, in Hollywood, the vast majority of directors—like 95%—(unfortunately) happen to be men. And since this was a Skinemax movie, I would have bet my life that a white man was directing. But this was a cute, petite Asian woman who was in her thirties. And she was great! Before I was whisked away by wardrobe, I watched a different clothed scene that she was directing—and if you were just passing through, you wouldn’t have known that she was directing a Skinemax thing.

However, I wouldn’t have much time to play spectator. I had a serious scene to shoot, and the wardrobe woman was beckoning me. Looking me over from head to toe, she seemed pleased.

“Thank GOD! This is going to fit just fine.”

Out of all the mysteries of that day, this is the one that continually sticks with me. This set had great catering, a team of cast and crew members that were being paid decently and a location that had cost a pretty penny. Why was the housekeeper costume so important that I was hired specifically to fit into it? Could they not have found a costume in a different size for another actress? It was just a plain beige skirt, an apron and a starched green top.

While I was in wardrobe, however, a production assistant came in with the script so that I could go over my two lines. I repeated them over and over again in my head.

Excuse me, ma’am, Mr. Richards is on the phone.
Excuse me, ma’am, Mr. Richards is on the phone.
Excuse me, ma’am, Mr. Richards is on the phone.

Lunch is served!
Lunch is served!
Lunch is served!

If I couldn’t prep the role the way I wanted, I was at least going to execute these two lines perfectly. Fortunately, while I was having my hair pulled into a tight French braid in the hair and makeup chair, the PA came back in to deliver some excellent news.

“Housekeeper, we need to move on some other shots right now because of the light. We're sorry, but you’re going to be here a while longer.”

“Okay…uh…do you guys have an extra script I could look at, so I can prepare?” I asked.

While they didn’t have an extra script, thankfully I was able to borrow one from another actor. In the back of this house, there was a gorgeous pool that I situated myself right next to. Taking a piece of paper from my bag, I quickly began poring over the script and writing notes. The story was relatively simple, and a lot more interesting than I expected for this kind of thing. There was a woman who kept marrying guys who ended up dead, so the cops were onto her. But (SPOILER ALERT!), it turned out that she wasn’t actually the killer. The murderer was her nerdy high school friend Tucker, who was obsessed with her. And lots of people, including the cops, were banging each other throughout the entire piece.

Since I didn’t have much to go on regarding my character’s backstory, I would have to be creative. Taking my piece of paper, I mapped out Hilda the Housekeeper’s entire life from birth up until this current point. An actor never reveals their secrets, but I’ll just let you know that, according to me at least, Hilda was up to some shit. While I was working, one of the lead actors came up to me.

“Are you…uh…doing character work?” he asked, peeking at my paper.
“Um, yeah,” I replied, not sure if this would make me seem like a complete dork.
“That’s awesome!” he nodded in appreciation.

This was the first actor I interacted with on the set, and he couldn’t have been more nice and normal—just like a regular family guy. I felt a sense of relief beginning to wash over me, especially when the lead gal came out to the pool to convene with us. She was also really friendly and sweet. Since we didn’t have trailers, the pool area was kind of our communal area. As the day went on, in between constructing Hilda’s the Housekeeper’s inner life, I chatted with a dazzling array of crew and cast members. One of the most interesting people I met was this European dude who was there for a quick “love scene” as they were calling it. His family back home had been in the adult film industry, so he had never really considered working in any other field. It made sense to me—wasn’t really any different from a son taking over his dad’s dental practice or something.

My shots were pushed until after lunch, which was just fine with me. The more time to prepare, the better! (God, has my process changed since then!)

One of the things I learned was that the "love scenes" required fastidious preparation from the makeup team. Whenever they were doing one of these scenes, the makeup team was always on call. In comparison, my basic makeup and French braid (sprayed within an inch of its life) must have been simple for them.

Throughout the day, the owner of the home stopped by with her dog to check on our progress. She was a charming, attractive Pasadena-looking (read: conservative) woman probably in her fifties. No one would have ever guessed that this woman was renting her house out for softcore shoots. I wondered if she shared this with her friends.

Finally, long after lunch and several hours of preparation, it was time for my first scene.

“ACTION!”
“Excuse me, ma’am, Mr. Richards is on the phone.”

NAILED IT.

I could barely contain my excitement. Not only did I get through the line without flubbing it, but I’d also managed to convey Hilda the Housekeeper’s unique perspective, informed by the list of details I’d colored in regarding her life. We did another take for safety and then moved on.

Boom! In the can!

Now it was time for my chef d’oeuvre—“Lunch is served.”

The crew quickly switched locations and began assembling in the living room. We were running out of time, and I would need to get this done fast. By this time, it was almost six at night, but I’d been having such a fabulous day that I didn’t even notice the time slipping by. I stood around the corner from the camera and awaited my cue.

“ACTION!”

Walking out, I concentrated on Hilda the Housekeeper’s motivations for the scene before delivering my line.

“Lunch is served!” I announced.

“Cut!”

Although this take probably would have been accepted by most directors working on such a film, this director decided to invest some time with me, noting that she believed the character was feeling a greater sense of urgency during this particular scene. I gleefully accepted her notes, thrilled that she was as excited as I was to be collaborating on Hilda the Housekeeper, my personal masterpiece. After receiving my notes, I walked around the corner and prepared once again.

C'mon, Kim. You can do this!

“ACTION!

Walk, stop on your mark.

“Lunch is served!” I crowed again, the notes from the director causing me to flick my eyebrow a bit.
“Cut! YES! That’s great! We’ll take it,” she exclaimed.

The crew burst into spontaneous applause, and I started blushing so badly that my face felt as if it were burning.

This is why I wanted to become an actor, I thought.

I’m not kidding. Years later—and after working on a bunch of sets—this still reigns as one of my very favorite experiences. After wrapping and returning my all-important costume (did it cost more than I did?!?) I was invited to stay for a delicious dinner with the group. And so I stayed and hung out for a bit. While some other gigs that I’d worked for free(!) somehow never managed to send me my footage, this team sent my scenes to me as soon as they could—for my demo reel. I used them as bookends for a long time; after all, there was no way that anyone could tell it was a Skinemax movie from a few seconds.

I wouldn’t think about the film until several years later, when someone clued me in that the movie was running on late-night TV. I found it on some obscure network, set my DVR and forgot about it, until one night I had some friends over and showed it to them on a lark. When Hilda got to the “Lunch is served” scene, everyone about lost their shit. PEALS of laughter erupted as one of my buddies sank off the couch in tears. Who knew that Hilda could bring so much joy even after all this time? Another pal couldn’t get enough of the way I flicked my eyebrow, and they started replaying the scene over and over again—sometimes in slo-mo, sometimes at full speed. This damn movie was like the gift that never stopped giving.

And now that I had a big-screen TV to watch it on, I took advantage. Since I had studied the script inside out—there had been no mention of Hilda the Housekeeper aside from my scenes—I was surprised to see that a line had been added during the police interrogation scene.

“And Hilda, the housekeeper. Where was she during the murders?” one of the cops prodded the lead actress.

YES.
Mission accomplished.
And…Cut!

Sort:  

Congratulations @kimberlytrew! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

Award for the number of upvotes received

Click on the badge to view your Board of Honor.
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP

Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard!


Participate in the SteemitBoard World Cup Contest!
Collect World Cup badges and win free SBD
Support the Gold Sponsors of the contest: @good-karma and @lukestokes


Do you like SteemitBoard's project? Then Vote for its witness and get one more award!

Welcome to steemit, that was a thoroughly enjoyable read. Lots of things to see and do on steemit. @newbieresteemday, is a group of people that try to help new users get a leg up on steemit. I saw your intro post, and that you have had a few of the intro-followers pop by already. Lots of good groups. If you have questions the @newbieresteemday members can help or if not at least point you to someone who may be able to. I am a member of the group, and do have my notifications on so when my @ name is typed in comment or post I get notified, so if you need any answer, or help feel free to call.

The biggest thing and first thing you want to do when you have at least $0.500 in SBD is to get yourself a @dustsweeper account. I would strongly recommend a read over of their program, it is the one thing that will help you get off to a good start reward wise.

Thx for all the great tips! Followed you.

If you have any question feel free to ask as I said above, myself or newbieresteemday people. if you use the tag #newbieresteemday sometimes that will get a resteem from some of the members giving your posts a little more reach.

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.36
TRX 0.12
JST 0.039
BTC 70223.87
ETH 3561.28
USDT 1.00
SBD 4.73