Breaking Anxiety: An Art Project in Progress. Step 1
I suffer from a silencing mood thing that I can only label as anxiety. I am taking myself through a creative process to help release this anxiety, and sharing the process in stages here.
Art is a path and a healer
Being an artist is a mode of living, a way of being. There's no end point, no final product for me. Everything ongoing. If I am not making art I become miserable. I start to lose sight of myself, and I start trying to analyze : whats wrong with me right now, what is the intellectual reason for this attack of self-oppression? And the more I intellectualize, the more I get into a hole. The intellect is NOT the way through for someone who is prone to overthinking. For me moving my body or making art is really the best way.
I got this idea from The Kindness Collective
There's this cool Discord called The Kindness Collective, started by @zipporah. You can join it here
I was talking about anxiety there with @zipporah on one particularly hard day, and she came up with a totally awesome exercise to try. She said : make the anxiety into a character, or a creature, and name it. What is it saying to you? What does it look like, feel like?
I thought this was an AWESOME idea, and even just imagining doing such an activity released some of the anxiety for me. I felt very excited to try it.
But then I kept sitting down to do it and found myself being blocked by the same thing that is blocking all my art! Anxiety!!! HA! Such irony. After a week of trying to force myself to draw, this morning I decided I would try to just write. I didn't get much out. That is what gave me the idea to just do a tiny bit at a time, and share my process here. So while it isnt much, this little bit of work represents a week of effort! Thats where I am at right now. My goal and hope is to break through the anxiety, name it, give it more character and feeling, and let it exist outside of me more, instead of just stifling me.
If you would like to join me , you are more than welcome to! I would love to see other people work through a similar idea.
I cant draw, so I looked to AI
I love drawing, but I am so stuck. For like a month. If i sit down with my iPad to draw I just start freaking out! HAHA.. well freaking out for me means I sit there and stare at it. But visual images are really helpful for me so I made an image with the Deep Dream Generator, out of a photograph of myself. I am hoping if I allow myself to create visual ideas that it will help me start to draw again. The original photo is pretty weird , its me dressed up as a strange ghost spirit woman. Below this image I am putting the text that I wrote this morning, struggling to name Anxiety
Vice on my heart clamp on my mouth, parasite rotting and swimming in my blood trying to get out. Voice in my ear, mute and pressing my throat with a knife DON'T MOVE. Tears release it and tears feed it.
It says nothing and pushes its hands hard on my mouth tearing art away from me like its tearing out my hair, sending me pictures that I cant draw.
xo,
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Like turning on a tap — once you dare to move, the creativity will begin to flow. 🙏🏼
I love that you’ve made the exercise your own. Really, that’s what it’s all about. Whatever helps you detach yourself somewhat from the oppressive emotion — whatever that may be — embrace it. Little by little, you’ll find you have the upper hand. 💜
La ansiedad es algo duro y mas cuando afecta hasta tu inspiración, daña tu día tu trabajo. Es interesante esa técnica de darle nombre y un rostro. Lo probare mas adelante a ver que se me ocurre. Tu foto esta muy hermosa, con excelente técnicas y buenos efectos. Espero que salgas de ese bloqueo y nos sigas mostrando mas de tu trabajo. Excelente post, saludos.
Thank you for your kind comments! I would love to see anything you try yourself. For the photo, i used this: https://deepdreamgenerator.com/generator . I used it because the images often turn out very surreal and symbolic looking, and I thought that might help stir my imagination. I am thinking about trying to draw or paint this image next , but I am also trying to not put too high of an expectation on myself just yet. All the birds and weird faces that the artificial intelligence (AI) conjured up are very interesting though!
Te recomendaría que lo dibujes y no lo pintes. Los instrumentos que hay para dibujar permiten una mayor libertad a la hora de trabajar que la pintura. Espero ver pronto este trabajo con otro estilo. Feliz noche.
It seems to me that your anxiety turned into a beautiful post. I recognize so much of what you describe in the first alinea.
These days, besides spending more and more time in nature (Tonight I'm camping close to a mountain stream in a little valley), meditating, being mindful and looking into the law of attraction videos I feel I can more a less do without creativity but the filmmaking itch started a couple of days ago and I need my blogging - which I see as creativity too - and take quite a lot of pictures these days.
Anyhow, I love this idea of making anxiety into a creature. It sound kind of similar to, taking a step back/ zooming out on your thoughts and imagining yourself with a bag of popcorn looking at a cinema screen and enjoying everything that comes by
Hope you feel better soon and stay creative! <3
Thank you , Vincent! I sure could stand to manifest the scene you are describing! Sounds so lovely. I know what you mean how creativity kind of disappears in a nice way when youre out absorbing Creation...very fufilling. Thanks for your supportive words and I will try my best!
You're very welcome :>)
Trying the best is the first step.
Not trying, but just doing it, is even better ;>)
Have a <3-ly day!
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Hey @dflo, I feel you!
Love the DDG and played with it for the first time, yesterday.
By the way, astrologically-speaking, tomorrow will be a wonderful time for creative meditations. The Taurus sun is sextile Neptune in Pisces. I think you may enjoy it very much. 💘
I'm not sure what to say about this...it gets in to a crease in my mind that is usually empty....
Great ur work , I like that ,good luck my dear friend @dflo 👍👍😃
I know the feeling :) These days where you WANT to do something but absolutely can't get yourself to pick up a pen and actually draw. But when I do get around to doing some artwork, I feel instantly better.
Thanks for sharing your experience, I'm sure it's not the easiest to talk about anxieties. Especially because identifying it difficult enough already. But it's amazing that you've put a marker on it and turned it into such an amazing piece of art.
I'm definitely going to look into this discord channel.
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