The Virtuous Boss

I wouldn't say I have an awful boss, except he shows up late and hungover every day. He's really quick on solving issues (when he doesn't sleep through management meetings).

He makes friends easily. Take for instance Gillian, they were kissing in his office the first day she joined the company. He gives a raise to everyone but me. Two of us work for him. He drives a cool car, that the company pays for and has a big credit card he asks me to pay monthly from the junk drawer.

He supplies drinks for everyone. Water from the tap for employees and whiskey for the rest of us.

He bought me a new chair from the junk trader. I think it was his old one passed down to the local funeral home receptionist. I took off the "for recycling" sticker and cleaned the gum off the seat. I see her red curly hair in the cracks of the seat.

He let's me sleep in Sundays while he's betting on horses. If he wins he throws for new all new pencils.

He saves up our payroll until 12/31 so I'm rolling in money come the new year. He even provides his pizza crust every Friday.

I got my first raise, he said. The new window blinds go up now. He encourages team work.

I'm currently training my replacement. He said I need an unpaid vacation following with retirement. He said there is no higher promotion.

He left his car keys for me, too. The coroner didn't think he'd be coming back so I think he's the best boss ever now.

SRC

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