Hospital Blues

in #philippines5 years ago (edited)

"Does he drink a lot?"

I heard a woman with a very sweet and tender voice ask my nephew. I have been in the hospital since last night when I felt an indescribable pain in my stomach.

Yeah, he's been a drunk ever since I can remember. My dad said he had started the habit during his younger years."

I started drinking when I had my heart broken. It was what numbed the pain that my heart and soul felt when she chose other people over me. we were just starting out on our careers, she was a doctor, I was an engineer. Although we were on different fields, our hearts were one. The hospital she was working for wasn't that far from our apartment. Working double shifts wasn't a problem for her since she can just drop by anytime to take a quick rest. I on the other hand was working midnight shifts. Having a decent quality time with each other was almost impossible since her job was eating up all of the hours in her day.

Even if I had to wait for three or four hours before she could spend some time with me, I was happy. We were happy. Though they are very limited, the times I spent with her were the best moments of my life. Those 15-minute uninterrupted dates I have with her the most amazing short dates we ever had.

I was given an opportunity for a higher post in the firm I was working for. It meant bigger responsibilities, higher pay, and more options for further promotion. But it also meant lesser to no more time together with her. I wanted to take that job. But I couldn't leave her. I couldn't leave us. I was afraid that we would drift apart. Living together, working on different shifts, we were barely holding on. The distance could kill the relationship. But time is of the essence, I needed to make a choice.

To me, the choice was easy. All I wanted was a simple life with her by my side. Everything else was immaterial. She's all I needed to make me happy and complete.

There was a hint of disappointment in her eyes when I told her about my decision. Somehow, I can see she was sad with what I did eventhough I can see she's trying to be supportive.

A few months later, she was faced with the same choice I had to make. And like me, her choice was easy. It turns out she too had plans. Sadly, hers didn't match mine. She was my priority, I wasn't hers. And just like that, she left.

I'm not sure if she still remembers me. I couldn't blame her, my facade is far from recognizeable. Gone were the robust physique I once possessed. I no longer have the soft, curly, attractive hair crowning my head that used to be held up high for the pride and joy I get of having her in my life. My hands are no longer as strong as they were when I used to hold hers. My arms would fail me if I try to carry her like I did before. There is no way she'd recognize me. And to be honest, I hope she'd never see me again. Not in this state. As much as possible, I'd like her to remember me the way I was before I was this miserable failure.

I looked at her. Even though I had hope for her not to remember me, seeing her look at me like we never once shared our hopes and dreams before, as if we never opened up our souls to each other. Her looking at me as though we never laughed and cried together, like we never once loved each other still brought back the pain I once felt before. I could hear her mumbling words to my nephew, I couldn't understand what they were talking about. My mind and my heart are busy remembering everything and taking in all the pain again. Then she's leaving again. I have to hold her. I have to stop her this time. With all the strenght I could muster, I lifted my trembling hand and held hers. Oh how I missed how her hand felt so soft.

"Please don't leave."

"I have left instructions to your nephew, Mr. Suarez. I need to attend to other patients." And just like that, she withdrew her hand from mine and left me without looking back. Just the way she did before.

"Of course you do..." That was all I could utter to myself. "You always do..."

♥.•:¨¨:•.♥.•::•.♥.•:¨¨*:•.♥

It's him! It's really him!

After all these years, I'll finally see him again. Neither of us tried to reach out to each other. I can't understand why he could not be supportive of my decision just like I was to his. No matter how illogical he was back then, I tried to see through him, but he didn't do the same for me.

I hope he knows what I did was for the two of us. I wanted to make sure we have a secure future not only for us but also for our children. I wanted to have two kids, 1 boy and 1 girl. It would be good if we'd have twins!

But he turned his back on me. I thought he would understand. No one knows how hard I prayed to receive a message from him telling me he forgives me. Or that he would still wait 'til I get back.

I know he struggled to keep our relationship afloat. I can see how he sacrificed his sleep just so he could spend some time with me. I know he fell asleep while we were watching a movie that one time. That guilty feeling I had when I had to wake him up just to tell him that I had to go back to the hospital kills me everytime I remember it. I know I've been spending more time with my patients than with him but he has always been considerate, he knows how I love my job. Even when most of the time I choose it over him.

When I finally could come back, I tried to find him. But it seems as though he disappeared. All his communication with all our friends have been cut down. Or maybe I didn't try too hard. I wanted to get back into his arms again. I wanted to show him that it was all worth it. That now, he and I can finally put ourselves first. The years I spent alone without him was enough to make me regret the decision I made. But seeing what I have accomplished, what I had become, I know he would be awfully proud. My heart is filled with hope and prayers that after what had happened, he would still take me. But I couldn't find him.

And now, I saw his name. I would never forget. Countless times I doodled his name on my notebook. As if writing his name over and over again would bring him back to me so we could get back together again.

But when he looked at me, it's as if he didn't know me. Has his sickness already taken him? All of the memories we have shared, all of the dreams and plans we made, all of the hopes and prayers we've said together. Is he still there? The man that used to be the source of my strength. He was the center of all of my plans. But it's as if he's gone. Am I too late to save him? To save us?

What had happened to you, my love? I have spent years trying to help patients but for you who meant the world to me, I'm not sure which one I need to heal first - his heart or his whole being.

He looked so frail, I wanted to hold him tight to make up for all our lots times. There is a part of me that hopes he still remembers me and hopes that he could still forgive me. It looks like he didn't marry, his only companion has been his nephew since he got here. Well, married or not, I will have to make sure he gets better.

In a way, I feel guilty for what had happened to him. I wasn't there when he needed me. It might also be that I was the reason he had lost his own identity.

I looked at him one more time and made a silent promise that I will do everything in my power to help him recover. After I left some instructions to his nephew, I picked up my papers beside his bed and got ready to leave.

Then I felt his hand, shaky and skinny, but there was firmness.

"Please don't leave."

His voice was not as it was the last time I heard him say those words. I didn't listen to him before. But I know there was a purpose for our choices before.

"I have left instructions to your nephew, Mr. Suarez. I need to attend to other patients."* I couldn't stay any longer than I have, I can't keep these tears back anymore.

"I'll be leaving but I promise, I will always come back to you. Everything's gonna be alright. Please just wait for me" His eyes were closed when I looked back one last time before closing the door. "Please wait for me."

♥.•:¨¨:•.♥.•::•.♥.•:¨¨*:•.♥

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A great story and how many stories actually end up like this in real life. Love and choices shouldn't be so hard as love should conquer all. Not everyone thinks like that though and hence we have these same situations.

Thanks. I was really aiming to show the realistic POV in this story even though this is completely fictional.

I agree with you. Love should indeed conquer all.

It was a great piece though and very realistic.

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Nice narrative exercise.
There are always two or more sides to each story and we rarely get to see them.
I was not too please with the second voice's plead (it did not help change anything from past mistakes), but that's how we act in real life quite often.
If only we communicated what we honeslty feel. So much pain can be averted. Communication and selflessness (or the lack of it) will always be humanity's greatest handicap.

Thanks.

Yep, I guess if the two just had a real heart to heart talk from the very beginning, things could have been different.

Lovely story you got in there. And really it was a hospital blue indeed. I really enjoyed reading your story over and over again. Each word in there was worth the read and am happy I met your story. It really made my day.
Good work and keep the story spirit up always

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Thank you for your kind words. :) I try to write something every once in a while. Glad there are people like you who still actually read the stories posted here.

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