Embracing fairness: Need over want
I am not a parent; I want to make that clear from the outset. I have no idea how to raise a child, of the problems and challenges faced in doing so and the pressures and stresses involved. However, I was a child at one point of my life and had parents who had to do just that...Raise me. So, I still have a perspective.
There's many concepts a child learns, some by their own experiences and others as lessons handed down to them from parents, grandparents, school teachers and the like: The people around them I suppose. (And unfortunately video games, television and the interwebs these days as well.)
One valuable lesson I learned early in life was fairness.
A wise man once said, teach a man to fish and he will set for life, of something to that effect...I agree too. Teaching a man or woman to fish is better than giving him or her a fish. But I think teaching fairness is critical to that premise. I don't just mean fairness when it comes to sharing what you have, but fairness in taking what you feel you need...Or want. Teaching a man to fish doesn't then mean he has to fish until there are none left. That is destructive to him, society and the world.
I believe the below phrase to be a great starting place to teach kids how to proceed forward fairly in life and that a parent leading by example is a great place to start influencing children.
"Take less and give more. Give much more of yourself than you take and when you do take make sure you take less from the world, and give back in return. No one owes any of us anything...Me or you I mean. But we owe the world everything. Give without the expectation of anything in return."
I was taught this ethos as a kid, by my parents and grandparents. They had very little other than food shelter and warmth plus a few other luxury items like a vehicle and a little left over to provide us kids with some second hand toys and things; I guess what I mean here is that we had the bare necessities and not much more. What they had in abundance however was quality, in action and deed. They led by example with us kids and strove always to impart wisdom, understanding and good values in us including the importance of being fair.
So, there's my 2 cents worth this morning. Something I saw this morning made me want to write this, a person taking more than they needed and displaying that plague-like habit humans these days have...The feeling of entitlement.
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Sadly, that feeling of entitlement is wide-spread, both in adults and kids. Even a lot of parents who as kids had nothing or very little can become entitled later in life, when their condition improves. You see that in the consumerism that has sunk its claws into our world. Many in my parents' generation had very little (due to Communism and all that) but are now raising kids who'll take everything, who think they are owed and who often take more than they need just because they can.
If only more people thought like that...but we take instead, 'cause it's easier. Another thing that strikes me about your post is that kids are usually self-centered, they care about their wants a lot. But those kids at some point become adults and it's their responsability to self-educate, to become better human beings and understand the above lesson. It is the parents' fault, but not just. We all have the power to better ourselves, regardless who our parents were.
I agree with you completely. It's not going to improve though I think. Parents with the feeling of entitlement and the consumerism ethos are likely to pass that down to their kids. Back in my day I got influenced by a small group of people and these days people get influenced on a global scale. Doesn't bode well I think.
Still, we as individuals can embrace our own ethos and feel content doing so. I think that's all there is and soap-boxing or trying to change others is futile.
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Exactly. I mean surely, you're highly influenced by your parents, by your up-bringing, but it seems to me that only cuts it up to a certain point. You can't come to me at 30 and tell me 'oh well, it's my parents' fault'. You're not a child anymore, at some point, you must take responsability for your actions. After all, if someone gets hurt by your actions (be you 20 or 60), you can't really go 'well, blame Dad'. It wasn't Dad that caused it, it was you. :/
very true. The fact that many kids these days are being "influenced" by idiotic American trends is certainly not helping. But again, their fault. You can choose to be led, to be a sheep. Or you can choose to look around. I have little patience for people who blame others.
Accountability is what you're talking about I think and you're right. The formative years are for developing the skills as a foundation then the structure is built on top as one travels through life. Life experiences have a bearing also.
Unfortunately blame raises its ugly head at times and people deflect their accountability in that way and through that vehicle. It's negative and destructive but it aligns with the entitlement ethos and so people liberate it from within the darker recesses of their personality rather than deploying responsibility and ownership.
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