THE PHILOSOPHY OF QUARREL AND RELATIONSHIP

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Quarrel is simply dispute or disagreement. It can go well or not, it depends on how it is handled. Recently, we consider quarrel to be negative because of the motive but that is not true. Sometimes, dispute is healthy in a relationship. In this article, relationship can be friendship, dating or marriage.

When I was younger, I had the mentality that any dispute with any of my friends meant the end of the friendship. One day, my mother asked me about my friend and I told her we were no longer friends because of an unsettled issue. She smiled and told me something that is still fresh in my memory:

If two brothers enter the same room and come out laughing, they are not telling each other the truth. If one of them or both come out with long faces, they just told themselves the truth.

This means truth is really the reason for quarrels most times. Does that mean that truth is wrong? No, it isn’t. Truth is a bitter pill and hard to swallow. I discovered the issues I had with my friend back then was either I found it hard to accept their corrections or they refused to accept mine. The denial of the truth in correction’s clothing was the problem. I am saying it confidently today that quarrel shouldn’t be the end of any relationship. We fight to settle and settle to avoid further fights. This doesn’t mean we should expect the best always from quarrel, some people are evil and want to test our faith. This is why it is important to always be slow to react to people’s actions. When we study the tone behind people’s quarrel, we can understand whether it is positive or negative.

A positive quarrel in a relationship is making amends, correcting your partner’s action so you can accept him/her with his/her flaws and seeking for peace to crown it all. In my relationship, when we have been together for a while, I create issues. This is not because I am a troublesome person, I just want to know if she has anything against me she has been holding in. After the drama, I apologize and we make up. There are times you quarrel like that is the end, a part of your conscience will remind you that it is a positive quarrel and peace should be made.

A negative quarrel in a relationship is bringing up issues without minding if that is the end of the relationship. The truth is, most people don’t value friendship and look for a way to leave probably because they are not enjoying the benefits they used to. So they cook up quarrels so they can slide away not minding the negative effects on their partner. Some people get away and others don’t. I have read silly excuses people come up with just to breakup from a dating-relationship, this is a negative quarrel and it is terrible to the relationship cycle. Let me talk briefly on the effect on relationship cycle.

When a guy dates a girl and break up with her via negative quarrel, she gets hurt and broken. She dates another guy with the hurt and eventually walk out of the relationship, the guy feels the hurt. He moves on to another girl and the cycle continue until a good person comes into the picture. I hope you understand the picture I just painted.

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When you are in a relationship with someone and it is true, learn to accept criticism and correction. It doesn’t mean you are bad, it means the person is creating an environment conducive for both of you. These sayings will shed more light on the philosophy between quarrel and relationship.

• Two wrongs don’t make a right: This is the bare truth, I have never seen two angry people reached a conclusion. When your partner is angry and pushing for a fight, listen carefully so you can understand where the problem is coming from so peace can reign and not just breakoff everything. When you pay attention to the quarrel, you will know if it is positive and negative then know how to tackle the issues.

• An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind: In friendship, people seek revenge a lot. Because your friend criticize you over a point, you wait for him to make a mistake so you can do your own back. This is not the right ambience for a relationship. A true friend will look out for you even if he/she has to fight you for it so always understand the motive before you seek revenge.

• When good friends fight, it is not about who wins and losses: With this saying, I have made all the necessary point. The key word here is “good.” This means you need to have good/right friends around you. They will fight you without ruining the relationship, this will definitely help you grow stronger.

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Finally, quarrel shouldn’t be the end of a good relationship. We must always be ready to accept criticism without bringing out our fists. We must always be ready to fight our friends for a good cause, it doesn’t mean we are bad, we just want the best for them.