Letting Go of What's Beyond Our Control.
I thought I'd have a go at the tribesteemup bi-weekly question, but it's been a little harder getting a tired brain to work on it than I would have liked; so I hope this makes some sense.
How much control do you feel you have over your life?
I’d have to say, only so much, but certainly more than I have over other's lives. You see, much of how we live our lives is impacted by the environment and even the people around us. We are restricted by our income, by the regulations of our countries, by the needs of our families and even by the climate we live in. The only real control we have in our lives is how we choose to live within these confines.
Often we feel a need to try and control our lives, but because we might feel those around disrupt this we'll try to control them too. Then, ironically, the more we try to control those others, the less control we end up having over our own lives. So much energy is used on trying to change those around us, that we end up unable to put that energy into guiding our own lives.
We can want those in our lives to have the same interests, goals and even morals and when they don't, it can feel like we're fighting against them in order to do what is important to us. Their behaviours could be something we don't agree with, but we what them in our lives, so we try to change it. Yet, trying to change it only meets with resistance, giving us less control. This is where we might need to take a moment and assess things. Decide what is within our control and what is beyond it.
Initially, it's not easy, but choosing to let go of what is beyond our control actually gives us back more of our control over our lives. Somebody once spoke of it as a circle of control which can extend to a circle of influence. Picture a circle around ourselves which is the reach of our control. The only person we can be sure of controlling is ourselves, so demonstrate the behaviour we believe in. When we reach out to try and alter other people's circles, we actually decrease our own circle of influence and push others away, when they might have had their circle overlapping ours. When we instead focus on ourselves and practising what we preach, then our circle of influence can grow as others observe it and potentially choose to embrace some of it.
So while we may not have full control every aspect of our lives, by working with what we can control we can have a bit more guidance over it.
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I very much agree, we are never going to be able to have complete control of our lives, there are too many factors that influence this, I take the analogy of wanting to open a new business, you can make sure that everything goes well, you have studied the market, you are a fantastic manager and have a great team, however, much of what determines your success does not depend on you, depends on other "external factors": the clientele, the economic situation, the competition, any eventuality added to all the bureaucratic obstacles of the government to whom you will later have to pay, and so on...
Life is something similar, you can have control of everything you can "really" control, time for leisure, time for family, lots of money, wisdom, balance, freedom (As much as possible...), physical, emotional and mental health... Among other factors that come to mind.
And yet, our lives are affected by the people around us, that is very true. That is probably the least we can control and also the least we can predict... This is because human beings are so unpredictable, it's quite simple for someone to perform an action that is going to "Flip the chessboard" of other person.
Very interesting post and interesting question, I will probably soon make my answer to it. #VivaLaPhilosophy !
Greetings man, Peace!
Thank you for adding some great thoughts to this. Indeed, people do seem to feel the need to "flip the chessboard" of others and that is probably what we do when we try to control others.
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Surrender to what we can't control. I love this message! We are only in control of ourselves, and it's so important to remember. I think, as people, we are the most influential when we aren't trying, but when we are being true to ourselves.
Be true to ourselves and if it isn't working then maybe question if it's outside influence or is our behaviour actually a negative impact? Sometimes we can choose to change something within ourselves if it's to the benefit of those we care about around us and ultimately to the benefit of ourselves.
It's certainly a subject to get you thinking. :o)
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Couldn't agree more. And yes, we have to let go of that control too. I remember when my husband was basically SCREAMING at what was happening in Syria - he was getting really upset and depressed about it. I had to tell him to stop reading about it because nothing he learnt or read would help anyone - and he was causing himself such undue suffering it was going to impact those around him (namely, me, as he shouted at the telly). Thank god he listened. It's not that we should turn a blind eye, and we can do what we can (he needs to get his citizenship so he can vote here, for one) but it's more about what we CAN do to affect change rather than feel that awful loss of control that causes us and others suffering. A great response. xx
Those sorts of things used to keep me awake at night. It's why I don't go out to watch the news now. If it's important enough to be relevant to a conversation, I'll look it up or hear it from a friend. Sometimes they laugh at me being completely out of the loop, but it's how I cope.
I’m aware these things happen, but I can't focus on them too much, because I can't control them. Because I don't watch MSM, I'm more able to find out other perspectives many don't see which are more likely to offer a chance for me to do something productive.
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Unproductive people know they're unproductive. Rather than working on themselves; they work on positioning themselves as responsible for the productivity of others, but then they're stuck.
If they don't actively control those people, they're just an unproductive spectator. So they have to write rules.
Any success enjoyed by the productive people occurs despite the rules, even as the unproductive interferer claims it was because of their interference. Fascinating.
My old man has a saying, 'The bike shed must be blue.'
Control exerted over an irrelevant detail simply to gouge out some credit for influencing the project.
They say, 'Its amazing how much a man can do when he doesn't care who gets the credit.' but the corollary is also true; 'It's amazing how little one has to personally achieve when he devotes himself completely to getting the credit'
That's how our governments run the world, isn't it? Get everyone to do the work on predictions, intervene as trends are changing and then claim they caused the change that was already in motion.
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1: Discover something good happening, and loudly champion a new policy to achieve that good.
2: Wait a while; then proclaim how successful your policy has been, discarding the earlier period from any charts you make.
Moving the policy introduction date back a year helps even more.
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Correlation isn't causation, except when we say it is.
Sir John Cowperthwaite left Hong Kong alone and watched it thrive.
When Britain sent out statisticians to start collecting data he put them all on the next flight home.
If I let them compute those statistics, they’ll want to use them for planning.
yes we need to stop controlling others, that is not our place, all we really have control over is how we react with others and how we treat them and ourselves. Focusing more on what we do is so important. Great answer @minismallholding x
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