and the skies parted

The last couple weeks we have been besieged in the SF Bay Area by smoke. This is smoke from the Camp Fire that destroyed Paradise, California. The smoke was so thick it looked like fog. The air quality was the worst I have ever seen in the bay area, even worse than the Napa fires. It was said that the air quality matched what Beijing has ever day. The air was so bad, on friday, schools cancelled class the first time ever for air quality all over the bay.

Then, yesterday, we had our second storm this season. The first came over a month ago and then it has been almost bone dry. The skies opened with mild slow downs. They stated we were supposed to get a mere 1/2 inch (1.27 cm). However, it sure felt like a lot more. The storms are supposed to go on through tomorrow.

This morning, during a respite, the clouds parted for a short time and the sun poked through. Just a bit. The air was clear and fresh for the first time since the horrible fires began this year. I thought I would try to capture the beauty of the view just for a moment.

Today is Thanksgiving. Americans think of eating turkey, stuffing and pumpkin pie. Next year, assuming life is better, I'll share recipes. All I will say now on that is cook your turkey breast down. Make sure the breast rests in the juices of the bird when cooking. Then flip it when you want to make the skin golden. You will get a far juicier breast than I've had otherwise: turkey breast as a kid was my bane. So dry. The birds looked great, but...I found the breast down method one year when I my ex MIL immigrated and I found out her favorite part was the breast. It dawned on me and then I tried it. It more than worked. Try it. Thank me later.

Right now, I don't have a lot to be thankful for. I cannot see my kids due to money reasons: I cannot travel to Arizona where their mother moved them. They are not talkers online. The holidays used to be my thing with them and the family my ex and I had built: I loved to cook. I loved to do all the pies and pastries and candies. I loved to do the birds: turkey at Thanksgiving, goose at Christmas. We even had a tradition of making borscht -my version - for Christmas Eve.

No more.

I may get to see my kids in January. It depends if I get one of the jobs I have been so fervently interviewing for. I hope so. I need it. Badly. However, from the kids' POV, all they see is Daddy isn't coming to see us and I know they are hurt and angry over it. I hope they will forgive me enough to spend time with them. That I am less worried about. However, sometimes those feelings go on a long time and can come to a head when kids are teens or even young adults outside the home for the first time. I've heard we truly become adults when we forgive our parents for how they raised us. That seems a bit trite, but I do hope my kids forgive me for my very bad fortune right now and for how things have gone since the divorce.

Thanksgiving is really supposed to be about what we are thankful for. I felt like I didn't have much right now. However, when I looked to the sky this morning and saw its clarity and saw the sun stabbing through. I realized I did have something to be thankful for. And that is the newly smokeless air. And for the dawn of a new day. And for the chance to try once more.

I am not yet Tennyson's Ulysses, but I do seek, strive, find...and do not yield.

Not yet. Hopefully not ever.

And so, I am thankful.

And I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving.