O god

Are you fucking serious---
so this is what
people do now---
No---
I can't do this---
what am I
an advertisement---
how do I know
there's anything more
than this hollow
superficial feeling---
you know
I think it feels worse
to flip thru your pics
that don't resonate with me
than to lay here alone in the darkness
cooking my own food---
there's nothing different about my dreams---
the light that fills the gaps---
but how do I explain
---you know---
all these other things---
---the sandman
I've become lost
in some insane maze---
---I haven't even begun
to understand
myself---
it feels like weighted belts
around my veins
it feels like I can't quite
get up every day---
I can't eat gluten---
can't eat nightshades---
can't find anyone to tell me
what I think I already know---