I am in two minds about returning to my home on Monday. On the one hand I really have been missing the land, the abundance of food that it provides and my animal companions. Here in Ireland the weather has been up and down and I have been spending way too much time inside, I am craving the mountains, the many sounds of nature that come with living within them. But I also know that I will probably see a lot more people.

I have been able to hide away over here, I have not lived in Ireland for a few years and all my friends are down south, so I have been able to just avoid talking to others, besides family. My friends in Spain will want to come and see how I am and although I know they will do that out of concern and from a place of love. I do not feel like I am ready to slip back into that part of my life. Even though I know that I must.

I like my own space, I am not someone who wishes or needs to be around others all the time. I really cherish the moments of silence, that are there to be taken. But there will be so much for me to do when I go back, for one I will have to venture into town and it is very rare that I go into town and not meet someone that I know. Of course usually this is okay, but I really am not looking forward to people asking me how I am, because I can not disguise how I really am, in these moments.

This is who I am,
a million different shades of grey,
changing so frequently on any given day.
The heaviness of my grief,
weighting me down,
My body sinking more and more into the ground.

This is who I am
a million different shades of green,
connecting with the earth
Living my life as I do in my dreams.
Anchored in my ways,
yet determined to spread my roots,
to go deeper and deeper and harvest life's fruit.

This is who I am,
a million different shades of red,
full of visions and creations
that form the many threads,
that weave their way out from me
and finally allow my spirit to soar free.

This is who I am
ever changing,
ever growing,
please do not define me
by what you think you see,
but rather by
the way you feel,
by that inner sense that guides your way,
So Allow yourself to dig deep,
to connect and create your own ray,
of light,
that shines and carves out your day.
And know, that at this very moment,
We are so much More,
that we ever were before.

The Photos Used are my Own.

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