Obsessing About the Future
The thought of a future event is almost always worse than the event itself
Think about something in your life that you're dreading. It might be a job interview, a presentation, a family gathering, or something that generally causes anxiety. You endlessly ponder the possibilities of what will happen, you drive yourself insane over how things will play out and what the outcome will be.
Some part of our mind believes that obsessing over a future moment will help us prepare for when the day arrives. We think that by analyzing all elements in play that we'll be better off.
While preparation is certainly not negative, it can become detrimental to our well-being when we obsess about it, specifically about the things that could go wrong. Extreme worry or nervousness can be debilitating and can sabotage a person's ability to respond calmly to unexpected stimuli.
Real-Time personal relevance
I have a number of fairly big events coming up in the next few months. I'm hosting a house show at my home and have seven acts scheduled to play. We're also having our neighbor pull up his food truck into our driveway to feed the crowd.
We hosted a show here back in November (pictured above), which included a pre-show 5k race in addition to the musical festivities. It was a massive success, one that prompted me to seek out a venue in Denver to host regular musical showcases.
I am not a musician myself, but I am connected with quite a few friends who are in bands and, as a result, I've taken on the role of event promoter to help further their careers. I've always found great joy in putting together events (mostly parties) and find satisfaction in bringing others together and finding the right balance between structured order and wild chaos.
Recently, I've dealt with a large amount of anxiety over these events
When I've produced events in the past, things have almost always gone well or, at the very least, aren't a total disaster. I actually can't think of a time when I regretted putting together an event or gathering. In fact, I met my fiance through one of these events, something which I initially wasn't going to follow through with until friends prompted me to do it.
Despite all of the events that have gone well, I still struggle with intense self-doubt and anxiety over the future occasion. My mind ruminates about all the things that will go wrong, all of the various factors that are completely out of my control. I catastrophize the day in my head and often wish I hadn't decided to put this event on.
Finding a balance between planning and excessive worry
There are some people who are experts at winging it, improvising effortlessly in almost any situation without a hair of hesitation or uncertainty. I am not one of these people. Sometimes I find my flow and handle all sorts of stressful circumstances with style and grace. Often, I'm awkward and uncomfortable without some sort of script to fall back on.
Practice and preparation are key elements to success in practically every realm of life. These are often a great antidote to anxiety, as you'll feel more confident once the moment arrives, having practiced the scenario multiple different ways.
But there's also a point where you must give in to uncertainty, to the things out of your control. Instead of focusing on what could go wrong, it's best to drop the thought and live the life that exists in front of you.
The moment arrives...hey, that wasn't so bad
It's funny how worked up we get about some future event, existing in some fantasy torture chamber in our minds for the days and weeks leading up to it, and then the moment arrives and...it's a breeze. That experience that brought on fits of cold sweats, uncomfortable amounts of pacing, nervous contemplation, and general uneasiness actually wasn't that bad.
The truth is, our conception of something we perceive to be a massively stressful event often isn't as bad once we're actually in the moment itself. Sure, I've had some incidents where the event actually was fairly uncomfortable or awkward, but I've never really had regrets afterward.
Obsessing about the future is based on the flawed belief that doing so will give us more control and comfort. In reality, submitting to the unknown and unpredictable future moment is a much sustainable approach.
It's certainly not an easy act to pull off, but it's better than pulling our hair out attempting to know the answer before the moment arrives.
All uncredited pictures from pixabay.com or my personal account
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I'm also guilty of this. Sometimes securing my financial future scares me to an extent that I take certain actions that affect me presently, and the worry still never goes.
Like you said, maybe sometimes we should give into uncertainty
We crave order, security, and certainty, often to a fault. The world opens up when we stop obsessing about what comes next.
helth importent for life,,airticale is owesome
"Fear cuts deeper than swords" - Ned Stark
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