Let’s talk about emotional immaturity

in #psychology6 years ago (edited)


Introduction


Normally people start to get more mature as they become older, and it is expected that after reaching a certain age, a person should have a proper level of maturity like any other adult, but this is not always the case, there are people who even as the years go by, they still remain as immature as when they were teenagers, adults who despite having crossed the imaginary border of being 30 years old, continue to show immaturity in the way they act.

How they live their life is very different from how other people with similar age do it, this type of behavior can be caused by different reasons and, in extreme cases, should be treated with the help of others so that the person can establish healthy relationships according to his age, which are key in order to develop a sense of personal accomplishment regarding his life.

What is emotional immaturity and why does it happen?


Emotional immaturity is defined as:

Emotional immaturity as a personality trait is associated with a consistent tendency of a person to show emotions in a way that is inappropriate for their chronological age. | Source

Some people do not give themselves the opportunity to mature and evolve from their own circumstances in life because they internalize a concept of freedom that is not quite right, it is a lifestyle in which the desire of the moment is something that for them is beyond any limit or obligation due to the fact they have little patience and self control.

One of the most important factors that allows maturity to gradually be developed is responsibility. However, emotionally immature people have complications when trying to adopt this concept and as a result they live in an eternal opposition to what should be their proper attitude and personality.

People that end up being like this have the mistaken belief that this way, they can avoid potential sufferings, problems and difficulties in the future, but what actually turns out happening is the complete opposite of this.

Immature emotions can influence every part of your life and most of your decisions: from your plans for what to do or not do today, to your choice of intimate partner. Once you learn to recognize them, your whole life can change. | Source

Everyone of us go through a vital process marked by different stages, childhood and our teen years can certainly condition how our adulthood will unfold. From this perspective, a childhood that was conditioned by a persistent over protection can lead to greater intolerance towards frustration later in life because the child didn’t have the opportunity to experience, and much less learn, how to correctly manage the disappointments resulting from situations that don’t end up being how he expected, because his parents, and the surrounding environment, took care of all the details so he can feel happiness with no problem whatsoever, and in the short term this might look like the best option because it seems the child is having a more joyful life, but in the long term it will cause problems when that child becomes an adult that needs to face the world as it really is.

However, there is a reality, since no one is perfect parents cannot always do things without committing mistakes, therefore, an emotionally immature adult may never had the opportunity to observe life as it really is because he wasn’t raised properly, and as a result he wasn’t able to develop important skills to succeed in life.

We are used to give great importance to time measured in numbers based on the days, months and years that have passed, however, the reality is that time by itself does not say everything, it is every person who have the power to do something valuable with those years of life, and to develop the skills they think will be more valuable to have the best results regarding their goals.

Those people who have not taken the time to cultivate their emotional intelligence, because they have been paying more attention to a superficial lifestyle, are more prone to end up with emotional immaturity, which would be nothing more than the manifestation of their own lifestyle, projected in how they handle their emotions.

This personal development depends not only on the individual in question, but also on the vital referents that he has had throughout his existence, because those references also create an influence which is why people in good environments are more likely to have no problems regarding their transition through the different phases in life, when compared to other people that didn’t have a good environment.

Childish emotions are followed by an inner conflict, usually between guilt and shame on one side, and anger on the other, accompanied by unpleasant bodily sensations. This conflict can persist long after the unpleasant situation is over. Even if you are objectively right, such emotions can show you that there is a part of you that either is frightened or feels guilty. Some childish emotions can feel good temporarily, but the inner conflict remains. | Source

The immaturity can also be seen as a shell with which people who are scared of getting older try to protect and position themselves in a scenario of what might seem as a permanent youth. It is a fear of aging that is linked to the fear of decision making regarding the involvement with their life path, the fear of suffering or the torment over the loss of that idealized life condition, which in this case is nothing more than youth and everything that goes with it.

Dealing with emotional immaturity


If we found ourselves interacting with a person who shows clear signs of emotional immaturity, it is always possible to appreciate the positive qualities of that person, immaturity is totally compatible with other virtues, so we should avoid labeling that person and give ourselves the opportunity to know him beyond this aspect, and either way, we can always decide how far we want to get involved in this particular relationship, which is something very important for us to realize since we decide, with our freedom, what our limits are, so even if this person tries to demand our attention constantly, we must not let ourselves by controlled nor manipulated in any way.

In order for us to more easily identify if the other person is emotionally immature, we can pay attention and see if he does the following actions:

  • Emotional escalations
  • Blaming
  • Lies
  • Name-calling
  • Impulsivity
  • Need to be the center of attention
  • Bullying
  • Budding narcissism
  • Immature defenses. | Source

Any type of interpersonal bond must be based on equality, so we should not be protective towards them nor infantilize them, because it would not serve any purpose and might even encourage their immaturity, there is also another important aspect and it is that we must be aware of not falling into the potential trap of emotional manipulation that they might prepare for other people, since their volatile behaviors would be a common recurrence, we would need to decide how to interact with them based on our own point of view without letting ourselves be conditioned by their constant overreactions.

However, if we think it is convenient for us to reduce contact with these people, then that is exactly what we should do. In a happy social relationship there must be a proper level of balance between giving and receiving, and one of the risks of getting too involved in a friendship of this kind is that at some point we may feel the disappointing of observing that their level of commitment is not the same as ours.

If at some point we feel that the consequences of some of their immature behaviors affect us directly, then it would be wise to talk about this matter with that person, without losing our calmness but clearly showing our disturbance with the hopes of resolving the issue without damaging the relationship or hurting the other person’s feelings.

A person can realize he needs help in order to deal with his emotional immaturity by observing the consequences that his own attitude causes in his own live. Emotional immaturity affects personal relationships because it is difficult to maintain healthy interactions when one person doesn’t have a responsible personality, and once said person has accepted that he wants to adopt a change because he observes that what he loses with this attitude is much more than what he previously thought, he can then start to take proper action with the goal of eventually getting rid of this inappropriate behavior.

The person, through self reflection sessions, would need to identify situations from the past that may be linked to his present condition as an emotionally immature individual, most likely there is something that triggered this condition, besides, doing this can be very therapeutic in order to identify what emotional complication have not yet been resolved as of yet, and are causing some kind of blockage in his level of maturity.

Conclusion


There are people whose emotional expressions aren’t what we could expect coming from an adult, they usually have problems having what can be called as “normal” lives and “normal” relationships simply because their personality is heavily conditioned by this fact. It usually happens because some experience from their past might have stopped the typical development of maturity regarding their emotional management, and in order to solve this issue the person will have to figure out what that particular experience or set of experiences was, and from there, he will be able to gradually increase his maturity to more appropriate levels.


Have you ever encountered a person who clearly was emotionally immature?


Reference

psychologywikia – emotional immaturity

psychologytoday – childish adult

hubpages - emotionally immature people

psychcentral - mature and immature emotions

exploringyourmind - emotionally immature people

Image sources
All images are from pixabay and pexels

1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6



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I have made several publications about it, and it is something that I have noticed that is common nowadays; Emotional immaturity is something more and more abundant, and it is leading us down a path we don't want to cross, giving rise to a generation of "victims" who reject personal responsibility and blame their failures on factors external to them like the State, the System, the Heteropatriarchy, etc.

I don't want to reduce the issue only to politics, because it is certainly something more complex than that and affects all aspects of life in society, but it is clear that this lack of maturity and this irresponsible and childish behavior are the main drivers, the coal that ignites the engine, of all the progressive movement that is taking place in the West.

I have made several publications about it

Yes I have also noticed there is a trend of young people (not all) adopting attitudes like the one you are describing.

blame their failures on factors external to them like the State, the System, the Heteropatriarchy

There are countries where opportunities are pretty much destroyed by the government, but those countries aren't the ones in which these things are happening. I know you are talking about movements like the antifa thugs in America college campuses, that ironically behave like fascist even if their name says the opposite, and this is indeed an issue but I don't know how serious it really is because they have been losing in all the important elections in America (in Mexico there is now a dangerous president sadly).

If you have a publication explaining a potential link between emotional immaturity and political tendencies I would love to check it.

Cheers @vieria!

Well, I don't directly link emotional immaturity with political tendencies, I only link the lack of responsibility with the Marxist and neo-Marxist left, although it is easy to notice through the observation that these people tend to be emotionally immature and to behave like children.

Two "recent" post that talk about this are:



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This is a wonderful article. So many people don't give themselves chance to grow up. So many adults want to avoid responsibilities, which to me helps a lot in maturity. Many still want to lick sweet when it's time to work. I really do like this write up. Thanks a bunch for sharing!!

I agree with what a lot of what you're saying here (especially in the section about how to deal with someone with emotional immaturity) but I do think that you're taking a somewhat dogmatic stance at times on an issue that is multi-faceted.

Some people do not give themselves the opportunity to mature and evolve from their own circumstances in life because they internalize a concept of freedom that is not quite right

This seems to posit the idea that they are making the choice to be this way, which I don't think is always the case. Emotional immaturity can be formed through a multitude of factors and circumstance, for example many people I have met with really strong tendencies toward emotional immaturity are the victims of abuse rather than, as you have spoken about, people who are coddled by parents when they're growing up. I'm not saying that's wrong and certainly that type of upbringing does cause people to act in a childish manner when confronted by things that they view as unfair etc. But I really do think this article misses out on exploring the fact that people who are physically, sexually or emotionally abused will also show similar emotional immaturity. In their case it's to do with triggers in the world (or people) causing them to regress to a child-like-state in an attempt to deal with the memories triggered.

Anyway, lol I've gone off on a bit of a rant @dedicatedguy, as always your article is really well researched and thought provoking. I just think it is only half of the picture.

Hey there @raj808!

I have met with really strong tendencies toward emotional immaturity are the victims of abuse

You are right mate, that can be another factor that can led to this problem.

Cheers!

The human condition is so complex. This is a very informative post regarding emotional immaturity.

I wish that mental health hygiene was taught right along with the alphabet, math, brushing your teeth and eating right.

We have so many people who are hurting and have ruined relationships or worse because, as a whole, we have not put enough emphasis on mental health.

In Peace, Love, and Health (both physical and mental)
~T

I wish that mental health hygiene was taught right along with the alphabet, math, brushing your teeth and eating right.

I think there would be a lot less problems if most people had at least a basic understanding about mental health. Thanks for your kind words btw.

My answer to your last question is "Yes". I knew that, that's why I started reading your article, which resulted very interesting, it gave me good new tips. Congratulations! and thank you very much for the help. ! I'm giving you my vote. Inmaturity-799097__340.jpg
(this picture is from Pixabay, too)

Thanks for your support!

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