Confessing With a Lie... and Other Untruths We Tell Ourselves...

It seems to be an almost inherent truth of the human experience that we lie about all sorts of stuff...

We lie to others, we lie on our taxes... and we often lie to ourselves, as well.

We tell ourselves — and others — various stories that somehow make our experience of this thing we call "reality" a little more bearable.

Of course, there's lots of judgement surrounding the whole idea of lying. The Bible says "Thous shallt not bear false witness," and many fear they will roast in Hell if they lie... and so, they don't... or DO they?

The Easter Bunny in our yard?

The Thing About Story Telling...

Most people aren't actually liars, as such... in the sense that we don't go around consciously and willfully telling lies.

When I talk about "Untruths we tell ourselves," we're typically dealing with extremely subtle psychological constructs we come up with to rationalize our failures or the fears associated with our perceived shortcomings.

Here's a good example: Something I used to rationalize my failure to get anywhere when I was in corporate jobs "I'm a slow thinker; I can't suddenly change directions, in the moment."

Whereas the essence of the statement is true, using it as a sort of "emotional security blanket" to allow myself to not try very hard — or keep trying — was basically a lie.

A tiny daisy on the lawn..

Ego Attachments and "Layered" Lies

Now you might think an example like that is pretty harmless... and maybe it is. But it also led to my assuming — or giving myself — the informal title of "Creative Slacker."

Delving into my entire psychological "construct" if the deeper why of avoiding anything I might succeed at is well beyond the scope of this article... mostly I want to move on to the way we often replace one lie with another in order to continue "hiding" the deeper problem.

Sometimes we tell ourselves "core stories" about what we believe to be true... but we try to hide that truth from outside scrutiny, at almost any cost.

But we might get called out on one of our stories... like a younger (late 20's) friend of ours who ended up having to confess that he did not actually create and build up his quite successful business... 90% of it was actually done by his mentor, while he did little more than watch.

"So he came clean?" you might be thinking.

Well, in one sense he did, but he continued lying about the fact that he actually has zero interest in — or aptitude for — running a business, by shifting to a new "lie;" that he was "too young and inexperienced to get financing" at the time the business was started.

Mount Baker, across the straits from us...

Slippery Beasts...

The stories we tell ourselves can be slippery beasts... because we so often will try to "protect" and "hide" the parts of ourselves we under no circumstances want anyone else to see.

Few places do these stories become more convoluted than in the area of relationships... with spouses, lovers, family and others.

Very few are able to invest several years in a relationship with someone and then stand up and say "I made a horrible mistake in my choice, and it took me several years to understand that this person was not AT ALL who I thought they were."

Think of people you know who seem "stuck" in abusive or toxic relationships, and I'll show you a place where people are telling themselves (and each other) lies about what's really the issue. There are a myriad lies and "cover stories" we will tell ourselves and those around us... because we (in the moment, anyway) sincerely believe that having our weaknesses and phobias exposed is a fate even worse than the abuse we are suffering.

Developing self-awareness and mindfulness of our core selves is scary, difficult and often a lot of work... but it's essential work, if we're to grow beyond telling ourselves lies!

Thanks for reading!

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(As usual, all text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is original content, created expressly for Steemit)
Created at 190409 15:19 PST
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