Exploring Honesty: Opinions, Scams, Schemes and the Duality of how we Protect our Egos
Some shorter — but nonetheless interesting — observations on the strangeness of human nature, this morning.
Yesterday, I came across yet another post by someone who lost a lot of money on the ill-fated BitConnect investment program and crypto coin.
As has typically been the case, the post was liberally peppered with the words "scam" and a long stream of allegations of what "they" did to investors.
Now, before anyone gets all fired up over BitConnect... this is NOT an article about BitConnect, it's a commentary on Human Nature!
Just thought we should make that clear.
The Slipperiness of the Human Psyche
The article gave me cause to pause and ponder the odd slipperiness of the human psyche, and our Egos.
Bright yellow pom-pom calendula
Have you ever noticed how — if we "invest" ourselves financially and/or emotionally in something — when things go well with our choices, we are quick to take credit for our wisdom, insight and timing?
But when things go badly, we're quick to point out that we were actually involved in a SCAM and the reason things went badly was all "their" fault?
I says that, of course, as a pretty broad generality. And yet, it so often holds true.
Even when we are doing well with something that most other people are genuinely struggling with, we're all about "being smarter" than everyone else. But if we're one of the ones struggling... then "it" isn't working.
In all these scenarios... the "it" is EXACTLY the same!
Accountability is Hard Work!
Now I'll be the first to admit that it is hard work to be "personally accountable." To "own" our responsibility, when something goes badly.
"It was a LOT more work than I thought it would be."
"I was greedy and didn't read the fine print."
"I thought I was special and could be an exception."
"I was just following the crowd, and didn't do my homework."
"I was just being stupid and careless!"
"I'm addicted to high risk excitement."
Moments of reflection...
We try to avoid such admissions because we feel "emotionally bruised" when we confess our shortcomings. Or mistakes. Or faults.
Of course, it seems like it is almost inherent in our natures: When we're little kids, we say "nobody" when asked who kicked the ball into the neighbor's yard... because we fear the negative consequences of honesty.
Maybe there's good cause — if we get beaten for being honest — and maybe we could all learn something about our behavior from considering that perhaps we collectively train ourselves (and each other) in being untruthful by making it unsafe for people to stand in their truth.
I mean, if you're going to get beaten (literally and metaphorically) for being truthful, why would you be truthful? And then... why do we feel the need to castigate the truth?
Just something to think about...
How about YOU? Have you ever caught yourself "blaming externally" for bad things, but taking credit for good things? Is it unsafe to be truthful? If yes, why do you think we make it so? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
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I try to "learn" from my mistakes (in order not to repeat them). To do that, I must first admit them. I hope that I usually do.
Which seems to me is the way it would work if you're a mindful human being.
Some, it seems, believe they can "alter reality" to fit what they want to be true, rather than what is true. It tends to end badly...
When my children were young, they would blame me for all the problems. For the kicks and giggles, I would tell them, "Why don't you blame me for all your successes?"
I learned about this when I went to therapy for childhood trauma, PTSD. I was beaten and ignored for telling the truth. I learned to shut up but I didn't stop telling the truth to myself. I was a child and did not have control over my life or who I developed relationships with, now that I am an adult I all the choices I make are my own, no blaming anyone including those who hurt me when I was a kid. This view has lifted a weight off my heart and lightened the world. The world didn't change, my view of the world changed.
Funny! We tried to pull that with our kids and got some massive eyerolls...
Well done, you! The key there is being open to altering our perceptions of the world. Many moons ago, I also blamed my parents a lot for my difficulties adjusting as a young adult... but they did their best, with what they knew, at the time. I have focused on being mindful of how those days shaped me, and being mindful of making choices that suits TODAY.
In general that happens. But, things can go badly and it not be a scam, then it's our own fault for getting involved. And sometimes you get involved in scams, so you got involved, but it's still a scam... so the scam part if the fault of the scammers ;) We made the choice in either case to get into something that didn't work out, but in one case it was legit, and the other it was a scam. Not all investments work out, things happen. But when things are designed to never work out in a scam, then it's other people are to blame as well ;)
Oh yeah, sometimes it IS a scam.
But most scams tend to be pigs wearing lipstick; people put their faith in wishful thinking rather than reality. But I am also cynical and jaded, having studied and written about these things for 30-odd years. And not everything is "a scam;" some things "work" but are simply unsustainable because they are predicated on people behaving mindfully. That's more of a "misplaced idealism" issue...
I think we all at one point or another in Life have blamed external variables. I know I have. But as I have gotten older I do it less and less.
I realize that it is usually something I could have avoided or something I could have studied or researched more in depth (in the case when a venture or investment turns south on me.)
Thanks for sharing @denmarkguy :)
Certainly not trying to hold myself above reproach, either. In fact, I used to make a lot more hasty and impulsive decisions, based on "what sounded good in the moment. Not so much, anymore...
In general, though, I have done a pretty good job of "owning" my own carelessness.
Ego is the main hence to be polite. Hard work with honesty can make you alive in the world, I think so. If every man can understand his own mistake and make his behavior good,the world will be better.
You definitely have to start with being open to admitting to your mistakes... and willing to do it differently next time.
great writing
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thats nice one