What's REALLY Important? In Life, in the World, to YOU...
As human beings, we spend an awful lot of time "seeking" things.
We're looking for things like "success," and "happiness," and "freedom," and a number of others, all of which tend to be rather generic and general, and typically dominated by "society speak," rather than our own internal truths and desires.
What is REALLY Important?
Let's take "happiness."
We say we want happiness... but what does that really mean?
Sunsets make me happy...
The other day I was talking to a friend who admitted that she "just wasn't happy." We got into the discussion a bit, and in a matter of some 45 minutes were able to conclude that not only did she not really know what made her truly happy, but she'd never given enough thought to the roots of what makes any one person happy to recognize happiness, if it were to show up at her front door, next week.
Maybe that sounds far-fetched, but it's actually not that unusual.
We think we know what "happy" looks like, but often we're taking our cues from TV, or movies, or public perception.
"Happiness is when I have 2.4 kids and a house in the burbs!"
Says WHO, exactly?
The pursuit of happiness can be a funny thing, in as much as we are often pursuing something we're not entirely clear about.
I'll Know it When I See it!
That's a common way to sidestep the happiness issue.
The view across the bay makes me happy
I know a lot of people say that and insist they know what they are talking about, but it's a bit like taking the "lustful infatuation" we might feel for someone we've just met and labeling in "abiding and heart-felt love."
Sometimes I wonder if happiness is even "a thing" we should be pursuing.
Looking back on life from the "north side" of age 50, I can't say that I have ever been consistently happy. Happiness has been an assortment of moments and brief periods, but not a lasting experience.
I feel happy when my cat gets in my lap and goes to sleep, purring. I am happy when I have chocolate ice cream. I feel happy when certain songs come on the radio.
These are moments, that come and go.
Which is why I often ask people to consider that what they are really in pursuit of is a state of contentment.
Contentment — at least to me — is the state of being we end up with when we add together all the good and all the bad and, on balance, end up with the positive feeling about the state of our lives.
General Elements of Contentment
But what makes a good life? How do end up content? What are the elements of contentment?
Cats make me happy!
The answers — if we take the time to sit down and truly consider this, rather than go on a blind hunt for "something" we aren't quite sure about — are often remarkably simple.
I like it when my family is safe, sheltered and in good health.
I like it when I am in good health.
I like it when the bills are paid, and I know we still have enough to eat.
I like having "furry companions" in the house.
I like being able to pursue my hobbies.
Very few of these involve taking trips to Bora-Bora, owning a late model Mercedes or any other grandiose expressions of material wealth.
I often hear people say that money can buy you happiness, but can it really? Or can it just buy you a measure of security that opens the door for happiness? I've known plenty of very UNhappy rich people... including a couple who committed suicide.
What do YOU think? Are you happy? Has the pursuit of happiness been important in your life? Is it still? Or do you like where you currently are? If you are NOT happy, what do you believe would make you happy? Have you ever spent much time sitting down to consider precisely what would make you happy? What is most important in your world? Leave a comment-- share your experiences-- be part of the conversation!
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Created at 180509 15:55 PDT
One cannot be happy to the same degree all the time, because this is life; one faces daily hassles, stressors; and different people can be happy because of different reasons; one thing, that will bring you happiness, do not necessarily be a source of happiness for the other person. Moreover, every person has different definition of happiness. It's complicated; depending on the person, how sensitive a person is, and several other factors. It's great topic for research.
Another interesting topic. Like you, I’ve had moments of happiness but not in a consistent way. I keep telling myself doing something I enjoy for a living will make me happy. Ultimately I think happiness is a state of mind.
I'm actually DOING things I like for a living, and that's awesome... but we can always find "something" about it. For example now I am thinking I would be happier if it were "a living" rather than "barely scraping by."
But you're right about one thing: Happiness is largely a choice.
Everyone has a vision in life and respect, many associate happiness with abundance and I can say that economic well-being can stabilize the emotional state of a person, but really it is not everything, so for me happiness is in the little things we enjoy daily, those things or people that fill us with joy in days that simply nothing seems to be right, is the embrace of a loved one, is the bread on the table, is the smile of your children, is the life of your parents and is the health that keeps you alive!
"Happiness" is elusive unless a person is very balanced, and even then, I am not sure. As human beings, we are typically very reactive to events or circumstances as our emotions are touched. An achievement of acquiring some thing or status only bring temporary happiness; as soon as that elated feeling wears off, we want something else. I think that happiness must be found within ourselves, as we constantly balance our feelings, our needs of engagement, and acceptance of "what is". I think it is much more about feeling good about our own "beingness" than having things.
To me "happiness" has more to do with what is 'between your ears' than actual circumstances.
And you can see this is some people who live in terrible circumstances but seem to have a certain "joy" about them.
And also "joy" and "happiness" , imho , are not always the same.
For instance, I consider my Mother one of the most "joyous" humans I have ever witnessed anywhere or anytime.
She has to take care of my incapacitated brother everyday after he suffered a massive stroke 1.5 year ago.
But you can see the "joy" in her eyes and her voice even though times are not always "happy"/ There is no mistaking it either
Luckily ,unlike some of my brothers, I have to admit I have part of that Wiring or DNA of my Mother in my Mind and Body. It's just there. And I cannot really describe it .
I just drew a lucky card I guess and even though I have had my share of despair that Joy always seem to be there
Haha, I can't help but blatantly do this my dear friend @denmarkguy. This entire post and especially those remarks above made me to recall a very ancient crazy tirade of mine written 10 months ago which was inspired, triggered & fired up from another one of your great posts where you were talking about these same subjects.
So, I'm sorry bro. But I'll have no choice but try to share part of this all of the sudden instructive eloquence guilt together. LoL
I like your perspective, thanks for shortly re-educating us on what happiness really is or is not
I usually tell people, happiness is not a prize to be won or a sign that you have gotten all you want, happiness is a constant continuous journey in life and this is enveloped with moments, moments through the journey.
When we were born, we were born happy, its so easy for a baby to smile or laugh genuinely, but as we grow, our concept of happiness gets robbed off us, the society, our upbringing, our experiences all pollute our mind, then we begin to fight to get it back, we begin to find it in the wrong places the media or society say it is. We begin to tie it materialistic things or achievements, but each time we get that thing we think will make us happy the most, then we begin to chase another thing. Never ending search
you must find it by yourself
Happiness is easy for me, even the smallest thing like eating a delicious food can make me happy. As you said, it doesn't have to be a 24/7 thing, as long as I am grateful of what I have, I think my body is already in joy.
Thank you for this post @denmarkguy!
I want a close and emotionally intimate relationship with my husband.
I want to continue to cultivate the close relationship I have with my kids (and now even my grandkids)
I'd like to not worry about financial stability and some extra 'fun' things would be nice or whatever, but I'm pretty content with what I have at the moment.
I love it that we're all so healthy and doing well for the most part.