The culture ingrained in our society of blame the victim for having suffered something

in #psychology6 years ago

Greetings to all, good afternoon

Today I want to talk about a subject I have noticed since I was a little boy and that makes many people spend their lives in pain. I speak of the guilt that the victims of an act suffered by someone of bad nature feel.

I do not know in your country, but here in Brazil it happens a lot!!!!

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I do not know if this statement is correct, however, I think that it happens more often with people who have a more conservative mind. Young people today are more open to dealing with these issues.

Every day there are lots and lots of news in newspapers from all over the country that show victims suffering from something of the tormentors. Be it news related to assault, racketeering, rape, marital treachery and separation, bullying and sexual harassment, etc.... they all involve the same situation. Usually the person who goes through this is at least taxed as naïve. However, in many cases we see an extremely high blame that society puts upon the person who suffered the act.

I'll talk a little bit about every case I put up.

Assault---A lot of news stories are put in newspapers about robberies. This is liable to occur in any location, saddle him frequented by any social class. The issue here is that people who are mugged can be taxed as naïve because they have passed at a certain location or, at some point, or walk alone in a place often known to robberies.

Racketeering---in this case, there's a lot of news in newspapers. Usually involve higher values than anyone could in a robbery and the profile of a embezzler in almost 100% of the cases involves traces of psychopathy, whereas, in the assault, can involve psychopaths or be done by people of social situation Unfavorable and have a certain learning vicariante in the way of getting money. It may even be that a embezzler has learning vicariante (learning made by observation) from the medium that has grown, but I imagine that happens in a few cases. The vast majority I see are families with healthy people who do not get along with this family member who commits racketeering, so I think it is something of people with clear strokes of psychopathy. The famous "Rascal" or "smart." The point here is that when a person suffers some blow in this area, it also suffers blame, being taxed of naïve and dumb for a good part of the population.

Marital treachery and separation----here, these cases do not appear so much in newspapers, however, we see it happen very often. In these cases, I see that much of the people who suffer this in a relationship and a small part of those who are out of it, tends to think that the responsibility was for those who suffered. I've heard that the person has been betrayed for gaining weight, for having been fired and unable to afford family costs, by "having let the relationship go into the rut", by living focused only on the children, by living focused only for work, etc... The point here is that whoever committed treason is the only person responsible for their actions. No one else but her should speak for them, even betray someone for having suffered betrayal of this, puts the person in the same situation as the one who practiced the act.

Rape---here, unfortunately a lot of news comes up every day in the newspaper. However, I think most of them are even public knowledge because the victim is very embarrassed to talk. In this case, I have even heard of women that a woman should "give respect" and not wear certain clothes in some environments. In other words, if something happens to her in that area, the responsibility of an act that I think is vile coming from those who practised, becomes the responsibility of the person who suffered. Cogito that it is something that a large part of people still think and that should be fought (not as some people like, that is fighting, but with education on the issue itself), making society understand that the responsibility for this act is of the one who did it.
A small remark about this, which had already written in another post, is from someone who chooses a/a spouse for themselves that has bad character and bad history in that or in some other area. If the person you chose already knows this history of the spouse, you will not be acting naively. You're choosing a scorpion for being one too. That's either a man or a woman.

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Written in the photo: 1/3 of the Brazilians blames the woman for the rape

One important thing that I saw, is that when I went to look for these photos on the internet to put in the text, only saw issues related to the actions that woman suffers and how she feels. It was very difficult to find any that possesses men, that is, corroborates with my writing below on the sexist culture that man cannot suffer.

Bullying and sexual harassment----Unfortunately, from what I've heard, the two cases are very common in companies or any place that there are groups. I think the first is related to or immaturity of those who practice or the characteristics of psychopathy/narcissism that make one person or group ridicule the other in some way in order to show that it runs in that place and lower the self-esteem of that Another, making you feel diminished and mine your ability to fight for your rights.

The second case, of sexual harassment, can also be a strategy to undermine the self-esteem of those who suffer, especially when it is the man who suffers. There are cases where they put homosexuals to harass heterosexual man to leave him embarrassed and silence him on the spot. However, in addition to the question of the relegation of the other that occurs both in the first and second case, in sexual harassment may occur the intention to perform sexual act with the victim. This can occur both with men and women, but society seems only to see harassment when it is done by men. In these two cases, I think that a lot of bad things can happen to the person who suffers, in case she doesn't set limits for it to stop. In the medium/long term, if she allows herself to suffer these things, she may develop issues related to anxiety, depression, panic disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, etc., causing enormous damage to themselves in all areas, reducing their Quality of life immeasurably, generating various types of diseases coming from the shaken emotional part.

But has anyone ever wondered how these beliefs that I think are distorted are formed in our head??

I imagine it is some belief related to the family creation in which, when the children do something and this act goes wrong, one of the parents or both say: "See? It's your fault. "If you had done xxxx it wouldn't have happened that. These things go rooting in the person's mind until they start to really find themselves guilty about the external issues they cause some harm is it.

Obs: xxxx = something the person sent or suggested to do. I think that in these cases, parents use the guilt to manipulate the minds of their children. If the person does not reflect on this, it tends to follow that same standard of living, which can be a pattern that their parents have learned and are repeating, not out of malice, but by seeing the world that way.

In addition to this family issue that generates the guilt that affects the 2 sexes, there is one that focuses almost solely on the male, which, relates to the machismo. Men in general are bred not to show any kind of failure. If you fail, your manhood is put in check by other men. That is, this kind of man besides creating a culture in which one male has to be a valiant who never suffers anything, helps to perpetuate this culture of silence. This can generate men who, when they go through something, instead of exposing what happened, will dwell on the matter in their mind and feel guilty for having suffered it and not knowing how to react. I imagine they begin to practice violence against themselves, for example, ingesting too much alcoholic drink, because that drink would be a form of relief to these thoughts and bad feelings

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I ponder that it is impossible to make correct quantitative statistical data on victims of rape, betrayal, racketeering, assault, etc... Not for lack of researchers or material to collect the data, but, precisely by this culture of "manhood" of man make him suffer in silence when he goes through something, because, if denounce or seek help in that area, within his own beliefs, will be Taxed as "inferior man." People who practice evil acts have a "radar" that can see these vulnerabilities in people, so they track well who are the right people to suffer some kind of damage.

Can you understand the problem of thinking that way???

This causes many victims not to seek help, not denounce and suffer silence and alone for years, generating immense depression and diminishing the quality and years of the person.

In addition, by not denouncing anything suffered, these people who commit these crimes will be more likely to continue to do so, both with them and other people. Without the complaint, the police will have no knowledge of what has happened and cannot do the research on the fact, causing these people to perpetuate these malicious acts.

How do you think we can reverse this?

To make a change in this area, we must do a hard work of cognitive restructuring, in which our beliefs are worked and modified for a more "real" way of seeing life. To think that responsibility for something bad done by someone is never in our hands. We must not feel guilty because we have suffered an illicit action from someone and yes, we are getting to work at these times.

Of course, in the world we live in, we cannot be naïve and stop preparing to deal with people of a bad nature, be it in any area. However, if something bad happens to us in some relationship that is deliberately caused by the other side, we need to understand that whoever caused it was the person and not our naivety/stupidity/lack of knowledge, etc. As our mind tends to think and Control these hours!!!!

I wrote this text because I have been through cases of this type and did not know what to do at the time. People of bad nature have seen me as a potential victim and have practiced vile deeds. Because I do not know what to do and have been very ashamed (which was possibly generated by the feeling of guilt), I worked "power" to them to continue with this, both with me and With other people who thought the way I did.

I hope that this text serves to help those who go through this to understand that the act is the other and that we should seek our rights and denounce, when something wrong happens!!!!!!!!

I finish the text with a phrase I saw a few years ago in a game I played:

"The hurt that is not expressed makes other organs cry."

If we don't talk about what happened to us and let things go, we can develop diseases caused by emotions.

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Photo Source:
https://www.agenciajovem.org/wp/estupro-culpa-nunca-e-da-vitima/
https://medimagem.com.br/noticias/silenciar-sentimentos-pode-colocar-sua-saude-em-risco,41418
Http://www.mtuc.org.my/has-violence-become-a-mark-of-our-culture/
http://www.coachmatching.com/archive/item/things-outside-my-control

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I think that all these situations are a socio cultural problem that is not something that only the government should solve but also we as a society start making changes even within our homes, schools, jobs to make everything flow as it should Be

I agree, Miss Genesis.

I think that the work of change of mindset should be collective! Thanks for reading and comment!

This is a good publication, really interesting, and that goes to the point. I think several of the points you raise are valid, blaming the victim is wrong, it is also negative that parents use guilt to manipulate their children, and it is also quite negative that the social condition does not allow people to expose Perpetrators, there is so much to be done in this society, unfortunately it seems that all this does nothing but increase.

I agree, man.

I just think you need to be careful during the execution of the perpetrator, because it is necessary to have 100% confirmation that the perpetrator practiced the act. Otherwise, it could hurt someone's entire life!!!!

thank you and come back to the future!!

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All over world cultural will be chang the same through the economic integration and blood fighting in future.

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Victim of grumpycat?

its a split between people who have an external locus of control and those with an internal locus of control.

Hi julisavio youre RIGHT the young react different but we have a daughter and the fact rape can occur makes me scared very scared the world needs to be a safe place

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