---- Women Abusing Men Is Normalized In Our Society ----
Abuse
Yes its true, men being abused by women has been normalized, its even seen as comical to some. The fact is this isn't something new, its has been present in our society for quite some time. A bold statement i know, but lets look at some evidence shall we?
Trigger Warning
The topic of "Domestic Violence and Abuse" can be triggering to some people. This article, images and videos are related to the subject and if adversely effected by this subject it may be of consideration when deciding to continue reading this article.
At The Core
What has sparked this article is a snippet from the Australian television show "Married At First Sight" which caused a stir recently. The short story is that one of the female participants "went to town on" (abused) one of the male participants. This was witnessed by the crew, recorded and happily televised on national television without it being seen as an issue, that is until some of the shows viewers expressed their disgust in the behaviors seen within the episode. For more info on this incident please click the following link to get the 411: "Married At First Sight"
Where To Start?
The first thing we should consider is the societal structures and psychological constructs which facilitate the behaviors we are about to delve into. The most prominent being Hegemonic masculinity, but what is it and how does it work ?
Hegemonic masculinity
In gender studies, hegemonic masculinity is part of R. W. Connell's gender order theory, which recognizes multiple masculinities that vary across time, culture and the individual. Hegemonic masculinity is defined as a practice that legitimizes powerful men's dominant position in society and justifies the subordination of the common male population and women, and other marginalized ways of being a man. Conceptually, hegemonic masculinity proposes to explain how and why men maintain dominant social roles over women, and other gender identities, which are perceived as "feminine" in a given society.
Hegemonic Masculinity
What this means is that there is a set of "rules that make a man, a man" , this is what one must do to "be a man" and if not then one is less than and treated as such. Being tough and strong, being able to "take it", "boys dont cry", etc. These are all socially supported and reinforced constructs which define "being a man", thats right, that means that many of us perpetuate these ideals and behaviors by accepting the concepts put forward by Hegemonic Masculinity, and thus begins the normalization process.
Social Experiments
There have been a number of social experiments posted to YouTube exemplifying the differences between social reactions to abuse when perpetrated male to female and then female to male. These experiments seek to find the social perspective of violence and abuse between the sexes and the results speak to the mindset of society.
When abuse is carried out upon men by females the onlookers have minimal intervention response, however, they do laugh, smirk, film on phones (laughing), some even assist in the violence as can be seen in the footage below.
But Why Is It So?
Some of these videos have brief interviews with onlookers , their rationalizations speak to the issues at hand. From basic ideas that "He must have deserved it", "He can handle it" right through to "He must be soft (ie not a man)", it all leans on the preconceived notion of "being a man" and therefore falls into the concept of the Hegemonic Masculinity.
It is easily said that men do it to each other, the locker room talk, competitiveness and machismo all driving factors within the construct. however, a key element of understanding is that it also reinforced by females as well... it is society "as a whole" endorsing the concept.
It should also be noted, the learned behaviors of this dynamic between males and females can mean it is ripe for abuse by women. That is, knowing there is to be little to no consequences for their abusive behavior towards men, but knowing full well that self defense or retaliation will lead to aggressive interventions and possible legal repercussions for males, as is seen in the first video, presents a position of power for some women... and that power can be abused.
Some Anecdotal Evidence
While studying psychology we (the students) had mandatory core modules for completion of the degree, one of which was "Domestic Violence and Abuse". The module covered a variety of types of abuses form physical, psychological, financial, emotional and much more. The majority of the module covered these abuses from the perspective of male abusing females, as the statistical value of reported cases indicate males as perpetrators of abuse/violence against women as far more prominent than the other way around.
In the penultimate lecture (12 weeks per module) the lecturer covered abuse and violence against males. The professor told us much of what is being covered in this article, the perception of "man being tough", police not taking reports of violence against men seriously, non reporting of instances due to knowing they wont be taken seriously, men being removed from the home even though the woman was the aggressor, emasculation, cases resulting in deaths, and an overall lack of seriousness to the issue of domestic violence against men.
Towards the end of the lecture the professor shared a story about on of his friends who had experienced abuse and domestic violence as a male from his wife at the time. There were no major discrepancies in the relationship, it just wasnt working out between them, but as the relationship broke down she became aggressive and bitter. She took to the mans business suits with scissors destroying them all and also putting shrimp among all his clothes, this being one of a hand full of behaviors of this kind. police were called, but not taken seriously, etc.
Lecture
What struck me the most was that the professor was laughing about it (as were many of the students) as he was telling the story, making jokes at the expense of his friend's misfortune, emasculating, minimizing seriousness, etc... Raising my hand after the anecdote, i asked if he was not perpetuating the issue, just as he had mentioned in the lecture, by presenting the story the way he did.
While pleased a student had retained the information from lecture, it was clear that the professor was not thrilled to have the hypocrisy highlighted. At this point a hand full of other students also expressed this opinion, some of them told stories they had knowledge of on the subject that were truly horrifying, and just for perspective there were 3 males in the class including myself and the professor.
I think what this highlights is, that even though we may have the knowledge and experience (just as the lecturer did), the conditioning is so strong and well ingrained is can be hard to put into practice in a real world setting (the joys of science). It also illustrates the status quo is real and considerably strong when it comes to tackling the issue... also see the Asch Experiment video below for more understanding. However, all it takes is a little resistance, someone to speak up and the walls come down, the tides change and the spell is broken.
Conclusion
We have been conditioned, through a considerable amount of reiteration, that abuse against women is wrong, when we see it as a society we can identify it and intervene. However, this consideration does not seem to be extended to males experiencing abuse due to a number of social constructs/perspectives, hegemonic masculinity, etc.
The fact is that abuse of any form can be detrimental to any beings existence male or female, old or young, and even in other species. What we need to understand is that it is the "abuse itself" which is unacceptable, regardless of the setting and semantics involved.
Unfortunately, this is not the world we live in, the social norms dictate worthy victims and those who are not, where abuse can be considered acceptable behavior for some and not others. This can be observed in real world setting experiments (videos above), in various forms of media (article which influenced this article), and even from those teaching others about the dangers of these issues (anecdotal evidence). As such it is evident that Women Abusing Men Is Normalized In Our Society.
The take away from this observation should be that abuse, in any form, is something we must become educated about, learn to identify it, draw that line in the sand, separate it from any preconceived notions we may have, don't let society minimize its impact and most of all do not stand for it.... because no matter who or what it is effecting... abuse should never be normalized in any way.
Fully agree With you...
Abuse of any shape or form towards a man, woman child or animal should never be tolerated.
on the money :)
I am against any kind of abuse to any person Gender not relevant (sometimes is not even a dicotomy) if there is abuse
Thats right, abuse is abuse, the sooner we stop comparing the victims and seeking validity of "who has it the worst" and start banding together and stating "Humanity wont stand for abuse of any kind", the sooner we will start making decent ground in reducing abuse at its core.
Among the many beechnuts I find a truffle. Thank you for this interesting contribution. I am especially pleased that your text has no atmosphere of anger and resentment and that the eternal battle of the sexes is not the topic here. Which would be very tiring and unnecessary.
The "normality" of which you speak gives to think and to feel. The causes of abuse are well known in psychology, so I think an excursion into philosophy is also very interesting. How much do you sniff at the university in other faculties?
I want to note that you took the courageous step of critically questioning your professor's way of lecturing. He should have been very pleased - after the first horror of a self-knowledge delivered by a student!
I hope he understood it with the appropriate wisdom. Did he say anything to you afterwards?
These are moments in life that you can call heroic without exaggerating them or sunbathing in a false glow that you have exposed somebody. I therefore find it all the more remarkable that you have not made any further derogatory remarks.
You have entered a very complex field: Abuse. Quite "simply", without realizing it, you could also have become an abuser of the professor by criticizing his error in a dishonorable way, and you and your fellow students living out in him some malice that was compensated for by others in you. How quickly one becomes from victim to perpetrator is always fascinating and is portrayed in many films and literature.
Only recently I had a female client in my consultation who jumped between the two "profiles" and tried to process a recent separation in total confusion. There were clear statements to be heard on the subject and I have not let myself be fooled when people try to conceal an abusive behaviour. By body language and the choice of their words it comes anyway to the light. I come straight to the point, but before I do, I have to whistle back my own inner blood hounds and be at peace with myself. We know abusers are fearful and insecure.
One treats what is hurt and contradicts what injures.
Thank you for the comment @erh.germany. i believe the victim mentality is preventing us from seeing the true enemy in the fight against abuse.... is abuse. Many spend much of their time debating who is the greater victim, which often includes dismissing other victims to bolster position.
The prof. took it well and admitted that his actions were indeed the behavior which had been outlined withing the lecture. I do think that the method of approach is what matters in these situations, the intent was not to ridicule, but to question so as to understand.... because lets be real here, if the person who is well versed and is teaching does not abide by what is being taught it is a perfect opportunity to dissect the situation and learn about HOW these things happen. I may not agree with what is explained , but i want to understand.
The fact is that we are all capable of being the abuser or the victim of abuse, not just of same sex , opposite sex, but also of animals, substances and ourselves... what i hope we realize is that it is the abuse we must focus on. The patterns, the circumstances, the environments, etc. if we UNDERSTAND how abuse works, then we have the ability to intervene when it happens be it others to us, us to others, and us to ourselves.
I am happy to hear that the teacher took it professionally:) Really important to know.
People do realize those things quite a lot, compared to our knowledge 100 or even 50 years ago. Change in behavior as well as in mentality is difficult as we humans are not known for patience towards ourselves. Often conflicts or wars come into our way and we must all start anew with the healing of the following generations. It will always be a job for the professionals as well as for everyone on a personal level to stay brave, to ask questions and to strive towards maturity and wisdom.
So is men abusing women, its called Pornography!
Did you even read the full article @carlitashaw?
No his saying there should be no difference if its a man or women abuse is abuse. When a women gets abused everyone stands up for that women theres a big outcry but their are plenty of men who get abused and it doesn’t get the same outcry.
A female teacher has sex with a male student and his “lucky” when a male teacher has sex with a female student its looked at a different way.
Equality for men and women.
Im a straight man 31 yrs old, into sports like to drink occasionally etc.
I support women’s rights but we can not forget about the men who might be gay or feminine or whatever the case be.
Equality for all Women Men Gay Straight White Black Brown. Doesn’t matter people need to treat each other with kindness and respect make the world a better place. You can’t change the world we live in but you can change yourself and be an example for others.
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yeppers, thanks @californiacrypto you totally get it :) Woman, animal, man.... it makes no difference, abuse is abuse...
Crude analogy time:
If a person punches the crap out of a woman, a man and a puppy, the focus should not be which of the victims is most deserving of the abuse or who could handle it the best, it should be on preventing said abuse from continuing... and the only way to do so is to be informed and educated on what abuse is and refusing to tolerate it regardless of the semantics surrounding the setting, the victim or the abuser.
Good call on the perspective on sexual assault/rape of minors based on the sex of the victim and abuser.... again this example highlights the points being made in the article. Shattering these concepts and illusions is the beginning of truly understanding HOW the social constructs manipulate perspectives... and ultimately it can begin shifting the paradigm...
Did you even read the full article @carlitashaw?
I wondered the same thing myself.... lolz
This post has been voted on from MSP3K courtesy of @isaria from the Minnow Support Project ( @minnowsupport ).
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