Depression and Suicide

in #psychology6 years ago (edited)

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This is kinda hard for me to write about because I don't want people to know this about me but I could not solve my problems in regards to my neighbors, the city and my finances and I am out of ideas.

I don't know who to communicate my thoughts here too either, because I know that therapists just want to make cash and that many of them have no clue about what is really happening in the world.

Nobody can relate to what I experience here in the city in Germany despite other Germans in my age, but I do not find such people and when I do they are brainwashed.

I am alone in the darkness.

I am surrounded by constant noise from early in the day till late night. Drills hammering every day, hearing my neighbors talking all the damn time or listening to music and other permanent noise that gave me insomnia like I have never experienced it before.

I just had burnout 2 months ago and it seems that it has returned with a vengeance because I cannot get rid of the stress that I am experiencing in the city.

I reduced my work a lot and that is great but my stress levels have still increased after all this. My heart doesn't feel really good and I haven't had a good sleep in 4 days. Combined with the noise and the hot weather of the summer you get a rage cocktail.

I planned to move to the black forest but I cannot afford it so far and I will probably not be able to afford it anytime soon.

Alphamemes is back at the beginning and my total average payout hasn't really increased either. In other words I am in a hopeless situation.

I cannot grind as I am exhausted and I cannot regenerate as the permanent noise and bullshit of the city life prevents me from healing.

Combine that with the materialistic superficial people that you usually find in the city, crime and trash all around you and people that hate Germans and you feel like you know how...

Suicidal thoughts are creeping into my mind. I am stuck in a hopeless situation, how can I get better? My blood pressure rises and rises every fucking day, my cortisol levels are through the roof.

And I have to accept the situation with my neighbors according to the police and my landlord. I tried it all. At this point I wonder why should I continue all this bullshit?

Death seems like a preferable option, I am just done with this shit. I have tried it all, I have worked my ass off but I cannot get away, I simply have no cash to do it and it looks like I won't have the means to do that anytime soon.

The city life makes me suicidal. If I was a poor shit living in a small town surrounded by nature it would not be that much of a problem as I would be able to deal with stress way better than here in the city.

How people can live in concrete jungles and be part of the system and not be mentally sick of it all is completely not understandable to me.

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No wonder depression is on the rise, the circumstances we live in are so fucking unnatural to humans nowadays.

I can absolutely understand anyone suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts. Many say "man up" and that has a good message but it does not help when your whole fucking situation is completely fucked up and hopeless.

Like when you cannot change it and when it will not change soon. Some people have tried for years to solve it but they cannot get out.

I can understand suicide, and if you suffer from such thoughts I can completely understand you.
Life nowadays is just fucked up.

Concrete jungles, superficial people everywhere, working 2 jobs, just being a sheep in the city, alone in the masses, the loss of values and the loss of nature.

Life is hard to enjoy like that and many people die early nowadays from stress. City people suffer from high blood pressure way more than people living in rural areas.

Imagine you have to run around with ear plugs all the time because the constant noise causes adrenaline spikes and you cannot get away? That is no life.

My advice to deal with suicidal thoughts: Hang in there, it will get better soon, and if it doesn't get better then I don't know, I would have escaped my shit situation a long time ago if I knew how to get away.

Lift weights, spend tons of time in nature if there is some around you and distract yourself as much as possible. Drugs only make your problems worse.

Good luck.

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Hey, as you say, there are many people in this situation, and it sucks because each of them is in it alone. I was there once. I still have my list of "Why My Life Sucks" as a reminder of what I never, ever want to go through again. It was a good exercise to simply write and vent all the reasons I was angry, sad, miserable, and hopeless in life. Never showed it to anyone. Nobody cared. Nobody would understand. Everyone was trying to preach to me why I was ruining my life and making everyone around me miserable. I wasn't the problem. They were. At least that is how I felt. Everything was meaningless for me because one step forward always meant two steps back.

Wish I knew how to help you. If you want to hit me on discord, you are always welcome to borrow my ear, and I'll bite my tongue. Getting bad advice from people who don't have a clue what you are going through always sent me through the roof when I was struggling with clinical depression. Through healing practices, better financial situation, sound therapy, and mental exercises, I am safely healed.

The only thing I'll honestly say is that being able to pull a decent income turned my life around. I knew what I needed, and none of it could happen without the funds to meet simple goals. For me it was a lucky break, landing an inside job that meant I could also move back to my home town. A calculated risk, luck, opportunity, or a financial windfall is really going to give you a spike of enthusiasm to empower you to do some amazing things. Best wishes for @valorforfreedom. You inspire me.

I still have my list of "Why My Life Sucks" as a reminder of what I never, ever want to go through again.

I should write that list too. Just as a motivation to continue working and as a reminder when I am out of this what I never want to experience again.

A calculated risk, luck, opportunity, or a financial windfall is really going to give you a spike of enthusiasm to empower you to do some amazing things. Best wishes for @valorforfreedom. You inspire me.

If I had the cash I would be out of this shithole within 3 weeks because I would outsource all the retarded tasks.

Thank you for the comment CT.

I think you are not as alone as you may think. Los Angeles has many of the same problems and it is ultra expensive. Saying what you feel on your feed is a good thing so your followers know and can chat about it. When I want to change my thoughts I listen to Dr Wayne Dyer videos on Youtube. I also fall asleep to it playing in my ear because I'm an insomniac as well. But when we change the inner messages we tell ourselves then our thoughts change. I just pound his lectures into my head and they really do work. You will be able to afford the forest sooner or later because you will be able to cash out some steem in a few years and laugh about it. Perhaps take a step back from alpha and just sell your votes on Smartsteem so you have some liquid sbd coming in every 2 days. Get through the burnout and start posting again. A step back is always good. Suicide isn't the answer because you won't know who awesome you did when steem pumps lol. Hang in there my friend and post more when you feel bad. YOu are not alone!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you for the advice CFLclosers, I will seriously consider what you have suggested here to improve my health.

I'm now 50 years old and have been through a lot of bad times and good times. You have plenty of times ahead both good and bad and you will be denying yourself those experiences if you opt out of living. There is plenty of time to die later when you are old lol. Just know there are tons of people out there feeling like you do and better health is around the corner. You will make remarkable changes in your life so try not to ambush them with how you are feeling at the current time. Lots to look forward to and lots of ways to get you through the darkness. Hang in there and reach out any time you want to. Your videos have inspired me to try dtube and learn more about steemit. You are important to many people in the world.

Hey @clfclosers! I'm glad to have discovered your comment through this post. Interestingly (in another stroke of surrendipity) I have been listening to another excellent interview with Sherry Swiney :

Sherry Swiney Dark Voices from Dark Entities 1/2

where she talks about "negative entities" (spirits) which invade us when our psychic defenses are down (think addiction) and create destructive inner thought-loops which can ultimately POSSESS us. I think that a lot of this suicidal thinking is a manifestation of this (on the individual and collective level). Now, whether Anthony Bourdaine ACTUALLY committed suicide, OR was "taken out" DOESN'T MATTER in relation to this theory - they are BOTH manifestations of this "negative energy". Interestingly, after reading your comment I noticed that the life-changing book which lead Ms. Swiney to her research was one by Dr. Wayne Dyer [at around the [9:00] mark of the above interview), and so I downloaded the following Wayne Dyer talk, and am in the process of listening :

Your Thoughts Are Creating Your Reality Dr Wayne Dyer Law of Attraction)

I like how he focuses on the Tao Te Ching, as I am a HUGE fan of that book. I am at the point now that I simply take in info from different sources (instead of the most "risky" strategy of "putting all of one's eggs in one basket", but Dr. Dyer is surely speaking some deep truth here, so I will add him to my lineup. I lived in Los Angeles for a while (like two years), and understand what you mean. It depends on where you go (ex. the Paramahansa Yogananda center in Malibu is surely a different vibe from the rest of Malibu, versus Hollywood, versus East L.A.). I met some VERY interesting people living in LA, and the place is so big and diversified that you can FIND interesting people and places. But agree that overall it is a mess (as is America in general these days). For me it's all about remaining in motion, then falling down, then getting back up, and moving forward again - sometimes two steps forward and one step back, OR EVEN one step forward and TWO steps back.

Thanks for commenting here, and sharing this. I've followed you.

@transcript-junky

Thanks for posting this. I think that by posting this here you will get the adequate amount of "Oh yeah, me too!" support that you need to hang in there. Trust me, I deal with the "suicide" issue on a regular basis, and am NOT opposed to euthanasia in the core sense. Yes, the world is totally messed up, and I think that we have all been living under this INCREASING "vice grip" of chaos for so long that it is a "battle of attrition" which many of the "smart" people just get sick of. Yes, you could kill yourself - just like Anthony Bourdain did this week. Yes, I could down a bottle of sedatives and drift off into the "great beyond". HOWEVER, look at how SHOCKED so people are by Anthony Bourdain's suicide, and look at the work that he left behind. He was a trailblazer (in what he did) and he left a mark on the world which causes people to regret that they couldn't help him refrain from the "final solution". It's the same with you, Captain Phil. Yes, you have a tendency to totally "BITCH-out" on a regular basis, and YES, you kicked me out of your PUNY club in a nazi-esque manner. But you know what? I STILL have voted you as witness, and I STILL enjoy reading your "BITCH-outs" (with all of their adolescent explitives, and all), and if you DO indeed off yourself I will STILL feel like the world is missing an "interesting" and "dynamic" soul who strived to fight against the status quo. I think that the ONLY thing which is going to help CURB this growing suicide issue is for people to CONNECT and gain the sense that they are NOT ALONE. I think that the loneliness - and it's accompanying FEAR - are the most destructive factors at play here. Perhaps we are simply reaching the point, as a species, where the masses are starting to wake up to the "dead end" trajectory we have been on for TOO LONG. Perhaps we are hitting "collective rock bottom", and will START to collective rise from the ashes of the hell we've created for ourselves. For me, I find hope in continuing to work on my writing, art, etc. AND seeing that MANY people here are Steemit are dealing with some of the same issues. What else can be done, right? So here's a little gift for you. I recently discovered Daniel Mackler's YouTube channel and have been enjoying his videos daily. He is a former clinical psychologist who exposes the dysfunction of the mental health "system" AND society in general (of which the "mental health system" is merely one MANIFESTATION). I think that you will find some solace in his words - as I have been, daily - and I hope this helps you get through the current rut so that you can push on through the TRENCHES of "battlefield life" a little longer. I mean, let's face it, death is not GOING ANYWHERE, and once you get there it is a long ride to "who knows where"...

Over and out,

@transcript-junky

On Anxiety -- Being Passionate and True in a Dishonest World

That is a bad ass comment and video, I watched the full video and I completely agree that this "anxiety" reaction is completely normal to our dishonest, brainwashed world.

It has always been like that by the way! Back then they just didn't label you anxious for that.

Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. -Ernest Hemingway

Its hard being a happy person when you see through all the bullshit and even get ostracized for being "Special".

I told you several times man, join my discord again, you seem to still be mad I kicked you, I forgot that.

I hold no grudges mate, just join and we can have honest and passionate discussions, I am known for that, and thats why many people come to my server too 👍

https://discord.gg/VRSaB9y

Haha! Don't mention it. It's what I do. I'm a profession veteran of "battlefield life". Thanks for the invite to your Dscord, but I was just busting your SHE-chops. I am in over my head with Discord and everything else, so I will save the link and MAY join some time in the future. The IMPORTANT thing is that you got something out of my comment, and (hopefully) this has been ONE thing PREVENTING you from taking decision/action which is IRREVERSIBLE... Easier said than done... "One nervous breakdown at a time..." as my saying goes...

Thanks for sharing @valorforfreedom,
You raise some very good points here. Many people suffer in silence with depression, simply because of the stigma associated with it. I have read many similar posts, as depression is higher as a demographic amongst people with a create flair, because our society promotes conformity, not creativity.
However, your post highlights something that I have not read in other posts, and that is, where do you go for help, when the mental health industry is a part of the controlling system.
They are quick to diagnose one of their state sanctioned labels, to make you feel better, because now, it's not a mystery. it's a known, and you're not alone. And of course they have their patented drugs to "fix" you.
As you point out though, they are in fact the enemy.
The reason that many of us have depression or anxiety, is because we recognise that the system is fucked up, and feel helpless to do anything about it. The mental health industry though is a part of this fucked up system that is designed to identify those that have "broken out" and pull them back into line with their lobotomising drugs, or to lock you away (for your own safety) when you don't want to take their drugs.
The common approach taken by the majority of people in this state, is denial.
This may work for a while, until the numbness sets in, and you become robotasised, back into the fluoridated masses, go to work, pay your taxes, vote, and keep your mouth shut.
I believe though that this system is breaking down, and time is our only ally at this point.
Peace.

The reason that many of us have depression or anxiety, is because we recognise that the system is fucked up, and feel helpless to do anything about it. The mental health industry though is a part of this fucked up system that is designed to identify those that have "broken out" and pull them back into line with their lobotomising drugs, or to lock you away (for your own safety) when you don't want to take their drugs.

Very well said Boba.

It depresses me when I am helpless. I have someone close and dear to me who suffers from insomnia because of all the noise from the surroundings. Working all night long and going home to such noise is troublesome. It seems endless and there's no escape from. When sleeplessness strikes I cannot do anything as much as I want to help. It sucks and it is depressing. There are other situations that tie you down so you cannot just get up and go and leave and live where you want to live - as far away as possible from the noise. Hanging on and running out of luck.

100% what I am going through.

Hi Man!

You are not alone. I can totally understand this because I also got this moments in my life many times. I've got that voice in my head talking all this bullshits. People with artistic soul got that. I live in a big city and whenever im going out I can see all these people acting like an animals. Sometimes I'm afraid to go out but I try to stay positive and rethink my thoughs because universe is listening.

All Best!
Bless.

Thank you for sharing your experience Neo.

Yeah Man. No worries. Respect.

Im thinking about recording a few vlogs about my experience with depression and also my story which can be quite inspirational for some people but it is hard to talk about it in the front of camera but I think that I can help other people as well.

Hey man. I have been struck down low before. I have felt these feelings.

I know that you can get through them and I believe in you.

I think that I do a tremendous amount of coping just because I have no choice. I have dependents.

I feel that perhaps you need to have a look at your core goals and beliefs. I know you have quite a few things that you aspire to and there are many things you believe in.

But pare away at it. Get past the skin, the flesh even and find the bones on your goals. Not just "what do you want to do?" but "why?" Perhaps you know already or you tell yourself that you already know, but keep digging and make sure that the narrative you live by in your mind has the same reasons as what lies in the bones.

After this there is the matter of deciding what is healthy and unhealthy for your soul, your mind and your body.

It's not going to happen all at once. The best way to move forward is to slice it up into manageable chunks and when you cannot bear to handle a chunk then handle a sliver.

This is the stoic approach.

The other approach is that something must/will break. Don't let it be your life. Instead find something else that must break. Do so in a controlled fashion. Your weight training lies in that direction but you will need to do something more extreme to gain that same effect.

I did something like that a couple of times. It's when you pack a backpack and go running for two days. Cover 100km, run up a mountain pass in the middle of the night. Doubt your mortality, view the stars.

One or the other, or neither.

This is just my viewpoint on the matter...

Thanks bro, I might do that today and just keep walking in a direction that I haven't been before.

Hey man I'm stuck in the city right now too and i cant wait to get out. It also seems you are working yourself to death @sircork is in the same boat.
I suggest for you to go camping three days on the forest for a reset.
Holy basil is a great herb to reduce cortisol levels in your body. Weed works well too. Breathing exercises in the forest. Try to escape a few days go lay under some trees by a river for a couple hours. Hope you can find some way to manage your situation many steemiens are supportive.

I wish I could go out but it is raining pretty heavy and of course the noises go rampant now.
I really feel like just killing the motherfucker that creates this damn noise all the fucking time

Police won't do shit, landlord won't do shit, my other neighbors don't do shit because they are all fucking pussies.

I can understand your thinking partly, because I also had the same time as your. This is 2 months ago when I stuck in finance, stuck in job and many things. Sometimes I think about suicide. My mind and my body is decrease so much. I cannot relize myself in the mirror, so terrible.

Finally, I have found my way: These are books. I read " Change your mind and your life will follow" by Karen Casey in Vietnamese. I feel better and better.

You should try

Thank you Lantracy for the suggestion.
I am glad to hear that you feel much better.
Being stuck absolutely sucks.
I need a new beginning, I think that would help you too.

I can relate with ear plugs all the time because I used to do that a lot when I got out of home to go to college. Many thought it was just because I was an avid music lover. But it was an escape from all the annoying noises in the city.

I don't repel societies, but the way they've just turned out is something I don't favor. Anyway, I respect what others people do or say as long as they don't inconvenience fellow citizens.

Thank you for that comment Dave, sometimes I feel like I am the only one that thinks that the city is not made for humans.

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