The phone call which changed my life...
My aunt told me under tears that my father commited suiced...
My first reaction was to end the call because I need to call work to tell them I will not be coming in today.
My second reaction was to sit in total disbelief on some peoples wall, fighting with tears...
5 weeks ago I eneded the relatioship with my girlfriend...4 weeks ago my stepmother died...
My phone rang again and some guy who introduced himself as my fathers lawyer told me what I need to do and gave me some numbers I need to call.
I called the first one, it was the police to confirm something
I introduced myself and said I am calling because of my father who apperantly died this night?? When she said yes and that she is sorry I could not hold back the tears anymore...suddenly it was real.
I spoke it out the first time....
She was telling me something about I cant enter the house till they can exclude a murder to 100%.
When I tried to answer her I started crying so much I could not get one word out of my mouth. I tried to say "sry gonna call you back" but I failed already at sry and ended the call....
Now I live "the life" in Thailand...but this day and the following 3 years were hell for me and on the other hand the best which happended to me.
After this mess...I feel there is not this much anymore what life can throw at me.
Maybe there will be a time where I feel I should share more...but today is not this day....
I really can not recall an event, which had more influence on my life than this....and believe I would love to define me with something else....
There are sometimes moments where I want to ask my father for advice or tell him something cool which happened to me....4,5 seconds later I realize that this is not possible and I feel stupid...
When I read his suicide letter...I get mad, sad and feel nothing....
I miss my father and despite everything the inheritage allowed me to do, I wish he would still be here on the other hand I like the person, for the most part, I became and I would never be the one, I am today without that experience....
Maybe this is just me trying to find some meaning in this chapter though....
Thanks for sharing this. Some say everything happens for a reason. I think that’s not true. But, I do believe that we can choose our reactions and how we deal with things, and that in the end is the key to leading a successful life and making it meaningful - and you my friend I think have succeeded excellently in this aspect !
Again my heartfelt condolences.
You have let your pants down and this article is a good reminder why I spend at least 2 weeks with my parents at Christmas every year.
You are a great person and it fills me with joy to be connected with you.
Thank you that you exist.
i can feel the shadow echo of your memory when i read what you shared, i believe i know what that feels like to have someone that was a big part of our life, our existence missing when we want so much to share something with them, but i think it's unique for everyone....
i know it's years ago....but something triggered it (spiritually speaking), something brought or led you out to write about it, explore it or let it come to you, there could be meaning, reason, and timing for this to come now.....it could very well be a point of transformation, even a clearer realization that you thought you already had...but i do think more is coming and usually, it influences the future
i acknowledge that feeling....peace be with you
most lives can be boiled down to a small series of specific events that shift , change and develop us. i have 3. without those life shaping events i would be nothing. i would not wish any of these events on anyone...but i would also not wish them away from my life. they are part of me.
thank you for sharing you vulnerable story. maybe some day when we see each other again i would share... or maybe even someday i will open up here... but it will all goes as it goes.
big love @flipstar
😔
Da fehlen einem die Worte, tut mir leid....
Puuuh, geht ganz schön (noch untertrieben) unter die Haut, wenn mand das liest, muß ich zugeben. Sowas läßt wohl niemanden kalt. V.a. einen Gemütsmenschen wie mich nicht...
Thank you for being here for me, so I can be here for you.
Enjoy your day and stay creative!
Botty loves you. <3
Makes me realize how much I should spend time and care for my parents . I always have a fear that would leave me. But life is very unreal sometimes . You never know which road will take you where
I'm so sorry to hear this. Nobody should have to go through this and it's unfortunate you did. You should feel very proud you are where you are today. It takes a strong person to push through.