As a lady, can you ask a guy you like out on a date?

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Most ladies fancy being in a love relationship with someone they admire. A lot don't proceed to ask the men out because they feel It's a man's job to do the asking. A popular Nigerian Singer Simi in one of her songs titled "joromi" stated that she was giving her crush green lights. Doing everything she could to get his attention. Only very few persons have had the effrontery to ask a man out outrightly. Others use subtle means to get the guys attention and the guy eventually does the asking out. I've thought about this before but I have not done this. A lot of ladies are like me out there. They will not make the efforts because of several considerations.

1. Fear of rejection

2. Thoughts of being desperate

3. Societal norms

The fear of rejection may be a big reason why I will not consider this. Not just me. I think majority of girls or ladies think this way too. Fear of not being accepted may make one lose confidence in oneself because thinking this through and actually acting it out must taken a lot of guts, a lot of rehearsal. The guys I dated in the past had this same thought too. One said he kept nursing thoughts about an affair with me for a whole year. Another said he kept rehearsing his lines, standing in front of a mirror. You can imagine how one would feel after putting in so much efforts only to get a no. Rejection makes one feel that they are not good enough. It affects one's esteem. Just as it deflates a man's ego, it affects a woman's confidence. When you see such people, you have this awkward feeling that they might have told their friends. You interpret the looks of their friends to mean that they are aware of what transpired even if that may not be true or the case.

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It's not stated anywhere that a man has to always be the one to ask a lady out but there's this unwritten rule probably because God has assigned man the leadership role in his relationship by making a man first. This is just my opinion and it is subject to criticism. From the beginning of time, this has been the trend. It is only with the advent of equality in gender that some ladies are taking the efforts to stand out in business, career, and politics but not when it comes to asking a guy out. I don't know if it turned out well for those who did try. We live in a society where a lady is termed desperate if she takes the lead in a relationship. People do a lot of things out of desperation. Things they normally will not do under sane conditions. A lot of times, older ladies who have passed the age of marriage are the ones on this table. Nobody wants to be seen as desperate. That's the more reason ladies will not buy into this idea. When guys perceive a lady as being desperate, it turns them off and makes them look unworthy of their affection in their eyes. For those who manage to succeed, I doubt they will be valuable in the eyes of those guys.

Societal norms. We live in a society where the laws, norms and social values may not be convenient for all. In a traditional society, a lady is considered cheap to have lowered her standards to ask a man out. So, even when a lady knows that a guy is interested in her and she shares same feeling, she may not do anything about how she feels if the guy fails to take the lead to ask her out. This is very common in African setting. In more developed world, anything goes. Nobody sees it as a big deal whether you are in the asking or receiving end. It still bores down to the gender equality rule that women are driving. In a survey, conducted some years ago, ladies were asked to ask their crush out and give feedback. A lady took the bold steps to ask a man out only to have the man say that he was getting married the next weekend. Oh my! You say right? Some others did and they got a yes. Funny how they managed to pull that through.

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I envy ladies who take the effort to initiate a relationship with a guy. I've never done that though. When I feel attracted towards someone, I express this in codes. I compliment them as often as possible but I try to keep it real. But I try not to confuse attraction for love so I've never made the effort. There's always a first time. If more women begin to journey along this path, they will pave way for other women to do same. Just like guys get a lot of Nos from ladies, ladies should expect anything but generally be positive. If you get a yes, fine and good but if you get a no, you won't be disappointed as you have already prepared your mind for that. If ladies can pull this milestone, I'm certain that with time, it would become a normal thing as most ladies would become comfortable doing so.

Relationships are beautiful thing. Love is great no doubt. It is even greater when it is reciprocated. Nobody likes failure and as such the thought of failing has stopped a lot of people; ladies from making the first move. I think this is something that ladies should embrace. I mean if they can take the lead in industries, in politics, in career, then they can pull this off without a scratch. The truth is that some men really likes it for a lady to initiate a date. So ladies, you may be just a step away from having your crush in your arms. Be willing to take the risk. In fact, I think amma try this out soon. Lol. If they won't ask me out, I'll do the asking so I can get over them. Sometimes, what you want may not come to you. You have to reach out and get it. It's high time we stopped being passive in our relationship life while we're active in other aspects. Hello ladies, time to step up the game and climb the ladder.