FINANCE AND ROMANCE

in #relationship5 years ago

So I swore I wasn't going to write anything today but it feels like I'm beginning to lose my integrity. Probably I should stop putting restrictions on myself and stick with the flow, but I can't help it.

I'm trying to get away from the steem related articles and vlogs and try talking about something different. I don't think there is much demand for such on here, but I will share anyway.

So today I want to talk about transitional relationship. Every relationship is a transition but here I'm tilting towards the monetary side.

How important is having money in a relationship?

I'm not referring to a marriage setting. That would include kids, bills and a whole lot more. Those sort of things cost a lot of money and I will discourage anyone who doesn't have their finances sorted out to go into it. Although I know people who are struggling financially but still try to maintain their marriage and run their household smoothly. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm more particular about the casual relationships--dating. For someone you're dating or claim to fancy, how important is their financial status to you?

I have often heard ladies say they cannot date a guy who doesn't have the money or owns a car and I want to believe this has to a lot with their sphere and their financial background because I really don't see someone who is living comfortably well worrying about those said things. Personally, I have never really considered or thought about the financial status of any girl I have dated in the past. Probably this is because of the way I have been conditioned to think as/like a man--assuming responsibility and paying bills. I once heard an OAP say that women were not designed to handle bills. That's like the most sexist thing to say. But that aside, this isn't about who pays what or not but why people think they need money to be happy in a relationship.

In this part of the world, having money means being able to afford basic things like a car, a house, dinner and movie dates, occasional gifting. But the average man or woman cannot afford these said things and even if they do it comes at huge cost. I have heard cases of posers--people living fake lives to impress the opposite sex. So it seems like a luxury. It is unfortunate, but you're most likely to lose someone you care about to someone who can afford these basic things.

It is quite interesting how the economy of a country or region can have an impression on people's decision to love or not to love. I have come to the conclusion that most people, especially in my country, would have a different choice of spouse if they were in a better financial position. Imagine if we all lived comfortable lives, would you still be in your current relationship? I am guessing most people in first world countries don't have such struggles. Don't get me wrong, materialism is an issue both in developed countries too. This is as a result of the luxurious lifestyle we are been bombarded with from the media but think the severity varies.

I will like to get other perspectives on this issue. Finance and romance, are they inseparable? Does finance play a big role in determining who you date or not?

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I think us being males have completely different perspectives but it should become more important as the sustainability of health of relationships need to consider finances as I have seen how it can become a problem. I have even seen some avoiding it altogether! It will be something that continues to evolve.

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Interesting take. I do agree to be male puts one in that position and the expectancy of most women that they should be taken care of. But this is 2019. And at the same time, I will be skeptical about any female who is overly concerned about my financial status especially during the meeting or just-getting-to-know-you stage

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Interestingly, this is a topic that I've come across a few times recently. The first was my friend telling me that her adult son (previously married with children) was saying that first question women ask when he meets them is what he does for a living. Then recently I read an article about women in China and India being outnumbered men in such large amounts that the men have to have a good job and a house to even have a chance of marrying and even then it's not certain.

When I think of the couples I know who have been together for a long time, financial status didn't come into it. They got together because they fell in love, sometimes despite financial problems. I know of one couple where the husband is constantly racking up debts and the wife has to budget to keep covering them. They keep their income separate purely so she can manage this and he doesn't lose her income too. She won't take control of all the finances because she doesn't want to remove his freedom from him.

I can imagine that some women might break off a relationship with someone they care about to marry someone better off, but they are likely putting security over their happiness. My great, great grandparents fell in love and were going to marry, but his sister suddenly became a widow and on her deathbed, his mother made him promise to take care of his sister and her children. My great, great grandmother's parents didn't want her to wait for him, so they arranged for her to marry someone else and move to the country. She had two sons with that man and they later died, one in the first world war and the other as a young adult, but I'm not sure how. After their deaths she managed to get a divorce from her husband due to him being abusive. She came back to her home town, met my great, great grandfather again and they married and had one child together before she could no longer bear children.

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Like you I believe love should supersedes everything. Being with someone because of their financial status will leave you frustrated in end. Your grandma dir what was right for herself and it paid off at the end. Thanks for sharing your story with me.

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If it was a casual dating situation and I knew we both knew it wasn't going to ever be anything else, I wouldn't care about her money situation. I might be extra careful about not getting her pregnant, though. I'm a man and my programming does not involve caring about a woman's money situation at an instinctual level.

When it comes to marriage, though, it is vital that the woman I'd marry and I were on the same page when it comes to finances. I would never knowingly enter into a marriage with someone financially irresponsible. But your question wasn't about that scenario.

I live in a first world country where you can keep a roof over your head and be adequately fed even if you're long-term unemployed. Your life would be marked by social exclusion as a result of not being able to afford the things your regular peers are. And you would be somewhat humiliated by having to fill in applications and being at the mercy of bureaucrats. Women here do not go for guys who are unemployed because they lack status. Some guys might be able to compensate for that with something else. But most unemployed guys are shunned by women except possibly by women who have serious problems themselves.

Sadly this is obtainable here. But asides being unemployment, there are people who have jobs but live from hand-to-mouth, don't they deserve to be lover too? I guess it's just how the society is been structured. Imagine a country like mine where the unemployed rate is over 90% it puts a lot of pressure on young men and they end up doing illegal things just to live up to the standard the society has created for them.

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Derserving’s got nothing to do with. There is no equality or fairness in love. It’s about pure genetic survival.

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If that's the case then I don't need it.

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That's a perfectly valid choice. In fact, your life will be much more stress-free for it. Love is just our genetic material using us. If you're the kind of person capable of thinking bigger thoughts than the conventional and figuring out a purpose for your life outside of the usual, then not getting married or wasting any time pursuing romantic relationships is probably the right choice for you.

Hey, @nonsowrites.

I don't live in a third world country, so I can't directly speak to your experience, but it does sound an awful lot like what happens here, making me think that it's a universal thing. My wife, who is from Mexico, has always equated a good financial situation to security. And I think security is what's as important to women than the actual ability to do something with money beyond paying bills. They want to have things, and they want to have security.

As you say, men typically grow believing that they will be the ones to care for their wife and eventual family. So, the dating process goes more in that way, where the woman can do the so called dating up, or marrying up, rather than the man. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that, at least from the male perspective, because it may mean their head and heart are in the right place, which means that the relationship at least has a better chance of succeeding.

There is definitely a minimum amount of income that is required to maintain a household. It would be nice to at least have that, and some more for savings and doing some things each month. Beyond that, well, one can dream. And just getting to that point can be a struggle.

Of course, even women work. I would imagine that is changing even in your country, especially in the larger urban areas, where traditions tend to melt away faster than other places.

I agree with most of what you said and yes it is a universal thing. And most people equate financial stability with happiness which is not true. You can be in a high paying job and be miserable; you can have money and still be miserable in your relationship. Personally, if one claims to love or respect me because of it my financial status then I will always be suspicious about that person and their true intentions.

"Whats money without happiness."

Most people are not even chasing comfort but luxury. They want a life that is appealing on social media but that's not in. I'm not in a relationship and not planning on being in one anytime soon.

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Financial stability has a lot to do with peace of mind particularly if you have dependents. High income isn’t enough. Financial stability is a product of having enough income for basic needs and modest spending habits.

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What's funny about all this is, while women seem to equate financial stability to security, men, or at least in my case, equate love to security. If we know our wife/girlfriend loves us, we're good to go. If we don't know, we're confused and can be lost.

With women, love is something they seek, and I'm sure it's part of it, but if that security isn't there financially, too, love doesn't seem to be enough. :) Speaking from my own experience, so I'm sure there's going to be someone out there who thinks differently or has had a different experience. I guess we're making our own way through life and drawing our own conclusions.

Most of that a pure illision and to fake is you that you going to put pressure on you!

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Over here it does bros, im a witness

Most of that a pure illision and to fake is you that you going to put pression on you!

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