LiTTLE CHERiNE Book 01 - post200

Stella laughed happily. “My husband a General, that will make him laugh Roberto. He always says he was not a good soldier.”
“For us I think he will be.”

Previous Post 199

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It pleased me that I had found a good solution which saves his pride and helps secure the safety of my people. I’d never thought of it that way before, but since they insist I be the leader and we are growing in numbers, we truly will be a nation soon, well, a tribe to start off, so it does make them all my people. The idea made me feel humble at the role I am being asked to play. How can they extend so much trust to one man who has no knowledge, training or abilities? Not even the cunning that is needed to be a good politician.

I came to the realisation that it might turn out I will be forced to accept the ‘trust’ my friends had wanted to give me. I will soon not be able to meet all the expenses on my own. Obviously Dommi was sharing from me.

“Do not ask for their money Roberto. First use ours, my trust is yours my love.”

“When I married you for your money, I knew the day would come that I’d need it. You too Cherine.” I let them feel my love. “Thank you, but no, maybe all who are linked must contribute, like a voluntary tax; it would not be fair that only a few of us cover all the costs.”

“You can be such an...never mind, we’ve got to get going, unless you want to miss your plane.”

“Do we have time for making love first?”

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“Girls, don’t get your hopes up, he asks knowing he doesn’t have the time. He just wants to make himself look like some kind of superman after the night we just had.” Stella smiled at our teasing and wishing me a good trip, left.

“Thanks love, you now see why I say I married you for your money - with that sharp tongue of yours there just had to be a good reason.” She only laughed and gave me a hug.

Claudia was not with us so I went to the guest bedroom and found her sitting on the bed, holding her crystal swan, turning it so that it scintillated with all the colours of the rainbow. She was absorbed in her thoughts and did not sense me. She cupped her other hand over the swan and leant over, her head almost on her knees.

I sat next to her and put my arms around her shoulders, not drawing her to me, just holding her. “You remembered what I told you when we gave it to you. Did it help?” She shook her head in a negative gesture. “Then we are going to have to find something else that will. Are you still feeling hurt by our conversation on Cherine’s birthday?”

She would not answer, but I saw a tear fall onto her skirt. It hurt me, but I had to pretend I had not seen. I kept any sympathy out of my voice, speaking as if we were just having a discussion. “It must have taken a lot of courage for Dommi to tell you what she did, as she is so scared you might stop loving her. I think she spoke out of fear. Can you imagine it, you made Dommi scared! Her love for all of us makes her tremble at the idea that one of us might not love all the others.”

“She doesn’t love me.”

“I could hardly hear you love. Did you say Dommi does not love you?” It was a childish remark since she can feel Dommi within her, can feel that strong fountain of love that will never dry up. It was the fear of a little girl who does not feel she deserves to be loved. “What you really mean is you are afraid she will stop loving you. You do know what we would have to do to stop her loving you, don’t you(?)...we would have to kill her. Shall we try that? Just to see what happens?”

She looked up, mildly horrified by the idea, but mostly annoyed by my silliness. “You can’t do that!”

“Okay, if you say so. You do know what would happen if we could kill her, don’t you? Her soul would still be filled with love. Even in death she will not stop loving. That is how we all are love. None of us can stop loving each other.

I think your problem is that you do not feel you are worth loving, so you look for a comment, a moment of being ignored, whatever excuse, anything that shows you are not loved by any one of us. I know that feeling. Of all of us I know that I am the least worthy of the love I am given. For anyone to stop loving you, they would have to stop loving me first. Even then you would be loved by me. That can never die.”

“But what she said…”

“Claudia love, I want you to think about this carefully while I am gone, without allowing yourself to wallow in self-pity. Be strong and look at yourself, see who you are and what truths may have been spoken. Do not take the easy way out by blaming others, even if the blame is just your fear being projected as a lack of love. Part of your character has a strong practical and pragmatic side; it helps you see things clearly, as they really are, not just as we wish them to be, but mostly in terms of what is for your own good. It is not bad, but it can become so. Look at Dommi. She has an extremely strong practical side to her, but that practicality is part of her mothering of us. In other words, she never thinks of Dommi, just of the family. Her practical nature makes all of us stronger.

Cherine too, she is very down to earth and practical. I do not always agree with her and sometimes she angers me, however, that side of her nature is part of her devotion to me. She is a constant mother lion watching, ready to attack anything that could hurt me. To her I am a central part of this group, without me, she feels, there is nothing. She is wrong, I just happen to be the one she loves excessively. Because most of you feel to an extent that she is right, her hardness, her practical side, is seen as contributing, enhancing the totality of the group. I would have done everything possible to change it, if it was not that she extends that kind of love of hers to all of you. She would face anything to protect any of her loves.

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We need your Swedish practicality, if you can learn to channel it away from yourself and in some way let it be for the benefit of the family. Do not expect to think about it and come up with some revelation and, hey presto, you have done it. If you have this knowledge in the back of your mind and the desire for it to happen in your heart, it will be a process that eventually happens. Then the others will welcome what they see now as a hardness.

I also meant what I said. You have been slowly blossoming and I have watched you and the beauty I see in you, it has made my love grow and grow. Keep it in mind, it does not matter whether you are worth loving, what does matter is that you are loved and treasured. Will you think about it for me love.”

I was not too unhappy about not meeting the parents of Maria-Elena before leaving. I was hoping I guess, that by the time I return they will have adjusted to the fact she will not be in their circle. I sensed and saw only happiness in her, no regrets for our first night. She forgot I could hear and confided to Cherine that next time, she wants to lose her virginity so that she will be a woman, like Cherine. She also wanted to know if it would hurt. The only answer Cherine gave her was not to worry, this is Robert who will be loving her, not some normal man. I wasn’t quite sure how to take that. Not a normal man indeed!

^{For those readers who have not understood, when they speak using telepathy, what they say is enclosed within stars, and the thoughts exchanged are in italic.
e.g *Hi, I bet you are wishing you could read thoughts.*?}

I hope you enjoy reading this story of fantasy, adventure and love. Yes, most of all, always of empathy and love.

Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου

(Alexander Zenon Eustace)
^{12th August, 2018}
* posted on Steemit: 12th August, 2018



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