Little Cherine Book 02 - BPost066
These two months have not only been a time of loving, of idyllic walks along the beach hand in hand with my girls. They have also been a time of growth. The girls had taken me seriously and opened new doors within themselves, finding new gifts that they shared with all of us. Not all the gifts they acquired gave them pleasure and for some of them the implications, morally, were not clear.
1349
I have been approached by my girls a few times, the privacy signal would be given and they would tell me of a new gift that troubles them. For those, usually a correct description would be power rather than gift. They could lead to Cherinians taking a path to the kind of future I do not want for us. They would offer to close that psychic door, but I would suggest they keep it, but not share it. I would ask that they promise to never use it unless I ask for it. For some reason they seem to think of me as being spiritually purer or stronger than them, that my call for it would be justified, and agreed. I do not have the same confidence in myself. It could be tempting to use their powers in situations where I feel my girls are threatened, as I might have during our recent conflict. To do so would have resulted in the wrong conclusion to the conflict - as it turned out, winning was not the way to come out the winners, just staying fixed to our own beliefs and managing to survive had.
I did take Candy first and that was the sweetest of my weeks. There is something almost ethereal about her, I get the feeling sometimes that she was created out of a dream I had. Even though she had wanted to have sex with the full meaning of the word, she kept herself at her true psychological age. It took three days before I guessed why. She did not know how to age herself!
I brought her into my mind and showed her. She still could not get the hang of it. I then went into her mind and showed her again. I soon found she has a blind spot and cannot understand.
I did the only thing left and changed her. She preened in front of the mirror and was delighted with what she saw. She was almost an identical twin of Wendy, though the suffering Wendy has been through has not marked her. She was what Wendy should have looked like.
She ended up staying my little virgin girl. She wanted me, I could feel the need a hard knot within her, but she did not ask for me to take her as she had before, satisfied with our oral loving. It seems that seeing herself as a twelve year old had frightened her, she was not ready yet to be a ‘grown-up’ as she put it. I was more than happy to have her remain as she is, though I will need to address the problem, find out what she fears and help her get past it.
1350
The weekend was not for that though, it was for walking together, playing, chasing and throwing her in the air, enjoying our solitude and the company of each other. I ended up spending nearly two weeks, indulging myself for once. I feared this sweetness would soon be gone and I could not bear to break it off. Apart from that one time, she spent the rest of it at the age of five and it suited her, for she has the mind of a five year old; she is not like my daughters born with knowledge. I treasure what I have and humbly accepted the innocence she has brought back into my life.
When we got back the others had decided Irene is to be next. I refused, I did not want her next. She is the youngest and too similar to Candy in many aspects. I chose Dommi. She made a face at me that showed me she had seen in me my reason and was not too pleased.
“In any case Roberto, you cannot leave right away.”
“Why not? It is not as if I have been away from you for long. For you it has only been half an hour or so.”
“But for you it has been twelve days. You should spend a day in-between each time with all of us.”
“If that is what you have decided, I’ve got no argument with it.”
“We’ve also prepared a show for you. Everybody is coming to see it tonight.”
“Everybody?”
“From this world. Lua also.”
“You want to show off to her, Wendy?”
“What do you mean, oh, no, she is part of it.”
“When did you practice with her?” As I asked I saw the answer and anger flashed through me. “How dare you! You should not have gone without asking me.” They felt the fear in me and were gentle, even though I felt some resentment from them.
“Are you saying we cannot jump or go anywhere without asking you Robert?”
“Yes, I…” I stared back at Dommi, my anger fading, replaced by a puzzlement. “I’m sorry, I do not know what came over me. Of course you don’t have to ask.”
“It is alright Robert, we are not angry. We understand.”
“I don’t. I’ve never placed this kind of restriction on you. It was an instinctive reaction, but I did not know I have these kind of instincts. I am not pleased with myself.”
“You became like that from the fears and attacks we went through. Especially since Irene was hurt.”
“You are right. I’ve had nightmares that I will forget to do something to protect you. The thought of you anywhere without the protection of my protector still scares me.”
“You sometimes call it a battle, a skirmish, a fray, never a war Robert. It was a war. A vicious one for us. You cannot expect to go through something like that without it changing you in some way.”
“I suppose so. I must be honest, the scene of the puppy exploding, of my Irene losing her arms, just two bloody stumps, with cuts all over her face and her eye, my Diana without hands, I still have nightmares about it. The worst was that I made a mistake, I should have called to the protector, but in my panic I called to her.” I did not need to elaborate any further for they could see that just talking about it was making my whole body tremble.
“The times you were beaten, chopped up and shot, they don’t count? Robert, I saw in a movie about Vietnam that often soldiers had to be put in special hospitals to help them get over what happened to them and what they saw.”
“Yeah,” I grinned, “I can just see myself in one of those, they would lock me up for good.”
1351
Wendy took my side. “Robbie, you’re not that crazy!” Bless her soul, she got us all laughing and I had to explain to her. She gave a sheepish grin and I gave her a really crushing hug.
“If I try it again, don’t be so gentle with me my loves. Just tell me to piss off.”
“Nobody tells my monster to piss off! Robert, you just get better and we will not be upset at what you say or do, I promise.”
The love from them became too much for me, I still felt so guilty about my mistakes, my inefficient ways of protecting them and my trembling worsened, so that I began to shake. They made me lie down and lay to either side of me, with Wendy placing herself on top of me. Dommi was staring into my face and she put her hands to either side of my face.
“My poor sweet Robert, how do we take the guilt from you? You have told us many times that we are our own worst critics, try to remember that. In our hearts there is nothing but admiration for how you protected us, not once thinking of yourself. We all love you, but we feel a lot of other things about you that have little to do with love. They should make you feel proud.”
Once I was over the worst of it they got up and Meli put Irene in my arms.
“Here is your victim Robbie, tell her you are sorry and if she forgives you, let it go.”
One part of me was filled by the eyes staring into me and the other was wondering at my Meli, just a baby, but already so perceptive.
“Do you love me daddy?”
“More than anything my baby.” I looked at the other girls and qualified it. “More than anything outside this room.”
“Cherine, am I supposed to get upset because he loves me more than the bed and the mirror and the table lamp and the…” I pinched her bottom and she stopped with a yelp.
“Okay you little tease. Just for that I am not going to say I’m sorry. Instead of that, I’ll ask you a question. Would you like to be the wife of your mother, myself and all these terrible girls? Will you marry us?”
She squealed and grabbing my face covered it with kisses as she repeatedly called out ‘yes’. She jumped up and ran to Aganthi and hugged her, crying.
I got up and went to Candy, getting down onto my knees I took her tiny hand in mine. “My little miracle, would you be my wife, will you marry us?”
“Would I also be Wendy’s wife?”
“Yes. Do you want it?”
“That would be silly, it would mean I am my own wife.”
“How do you feel about being silly?”
“Will I stay a virgin afterwards?”
“Until you are ready my love. In the meantime you will be our child-bride and virgin queen.”
“Is that someone out of a fairy story?”
“Actually no, she was a real queen, quite a nasty old woman I believe.”
She nodded her head in understanding. “Yes, I suppose she must have been if she stayed a virgin for so long. You won’t leave me until I’m old?”
“Only until you are old enough.”
She thought about it for a while. “You do love me don’t you?”
1352
“I do, all of us do.”
“And I nearly killed you once didn’t I?”
“Hmm, yes I suppose so.”
“Then I suppose it is okay for me to marry you.”
I promised myself I would never look into that part of her mind so as to understand what that had all been about. She had made a bit of a mystery of herself and it is not bad going for a five/six year old.
Cherine grinned at me, not even having to bother to look in my mind, and taking Candy in a hug she whispered to her, “Come with me, I have to teach you something about a special smile.”
Rosie stood by me, her face serious. “How can you ask them to marry you. Shouldn’t you have asked your wives first if they agree?”
“Rosie!”
“No, she is right. Even though I know you all love them, I did not show you the respect I should have. I was wrong. Rosie, what do I do, do I have to cancel the proposals?”
“No. That would be punishing them, it would not be fair.”
“You mean we have to punish Robbie?”
“Yes Sam.”
They all stopped what they were doing, interested in seeing where she was taking this. I conceded her right by putting out my hands, palms up. “What will it be?”
“You have to take us to London and buy each of us a box of those lovely Godiva chocolates from Belgium.”
“I agree, but Rosie I think you have a problem. What did you accuse me of doing?”
“You know! You did not ask us…”
“Exactly. How come you did not ask your wives who had also been slighted what they all thought the punishment should be? It sounds to me like you wanted the chocolates so badly that you forgot to show them the respect you expected of me. Maybe they each wanted something different?”
Her face turned a bright red and she turned to them, not speaking, but mutely hoping for their support. They played along with me and just stared back at her. She looked at her mother, but there was no mercy given from that quarter either. A tear dribbled as she turned to Dommi.
“I’m sorry, he is right. What is my punishment?”
“May I stipulate what her punishment is?” The girls smiled and agreed.
“Each of them gets to choose which chocolate they want. You do not. I choose for you.”
She started off happy that the sentence was so light, but as we travelled to London and she thought of the chocolates she loved and had already been tasting in her imagination, her face had to fight valiantly not to show her feelings.
We entered the shop and drove the two ladies nuts as they tried to cater to all of us. Only Rosie and I stood apart. Once the fuss was over, each girl holding her box, I ordered a box of cherry for her and once she had it, I ordered a box of champagne liqueur for me. She nearly cried out that it is not fair, but kept quiet and stared at me glumly. I know her darling little heart so it did not take any gifts for me to guess she was already planning her vengeance.
It cost a fortune, even in this alternate world they were expensive. I opened my box, peeled off the wrapping and made to put one chocolate in my mouth. Her eyes travelled up with the chocolate. I paused.
“Come on Rosie, open yours, I’m sure the cherry liqueur will be lovely.”
1353
“No thanks, I’ll have it later.”
“Don’t be a spoilsport, eat one now Rosie.”
Reluctantly she obeyed and pulled a face as it broke in her mouth. I waited until she had swallowed it and spat out the pip.
“You do realise that you have my favourite chocolate? I love the cherry fruit in it. How about we swop? I’m not sure I’d like the champagne.”
“No thank you. I’ll keep these.” She kept her back straight and stiff. I’m damned if I know where she gets that pride from I thought to myself, and at the grin on her mother’s face I broke out laughing.
“You bested me you little minx. You know I was teasing. Come on love, I can taste those cherries in my mouth already. Wouldn’t you like to have the champagne?” I knew it was her favourite.
“No thanks. I was not teasing even if you were.”
I gave up and passed the chocolates on to the others. I do not have a liking for the champagne ones and I was not going to compound my error by eating them.
We crossed the road and entered Harrods. I let them take a walk around and went for a coffee. It was not long before Sam and Claudia brought her to me and left. I did not speak to her for a couple of minutes, giving her the opportunity to break the ice first.
“I am slowly getting very angry with you Rosie.”
She shrugged, her face indifferent, “I don’t care.”
“You don’t care, okay then I will not care also. You are on your own from today. If Cherine knows of a way to break the link between us, she will do it.”
Her face turned pale and her hands went quickly under the table to prevent me from seeing them trembling. I waited a moment for her to speak, but she did not.
“Understand one thing, no relationship can exist where only the one of the two never puts their pride first. I have never done that to you. You have done it to me once too often. Soon as we have at least one of the girls here as witness I am divorcing you. I cannot change the fact that you are my daughter, just as I cannot stop myself from loving you, but from now on I keep that love to myself. I hope you feel it was worth it you stupid little girl.”
Her eyes had grown enormous and she began to cry. I refused to unbend and sat drinking coffee, looking at her without any emotion on my face. She tried to secretly enter my mind to feel what I really felt. I threw her out.
“Do not ever do that again. I only allow those who love me to enter my mind. It was bad enough having Doris do it to me, I do not need to repeat that experience.”
The girls had all hurried back and stood by helplessly, not knowing what to do.
“This is good, you are all here. I want you as witnesses. Rosie, I hereby declare...”
“Nooo!” she called out softly.
“I hereby declare in front of our wives that I no longer wish to be married to you. Rosie, I divorce you. I divorce you, I divorce you. That’s it, it is final. You are free to indulge your pride now, I will not care.
One more thing. You are still my daughter. Until I decide you are old enough to manage on your own, you will live in my house and you will obey me. Do not try my patience again, for I am no longer the Robert you knew.”
I paid for the coffee and we left. Some of the girls were crying and all of them were in shock. None of them had expected me to take such drastic action. I felt my protector trembling in its need to stop me from hurting all of them, especially Rosie, but I gave it a warning not to try anything, I was not in a mood to put up with its interference.
1354
We must have walked for ten minutes before Cherine came to me. “Why Robert? I hardly recognise you, you would never have hurt any of them like this, before.”
“You mean it is alright for me to be hurt?”
“You are twisting what I said...”
“Am I?”
Dommi came back quickly and pulled Cherine away. The rest of the walk to the station and our ride to the village and walk over to the hotel nobody talked to me. They wanted to hold Rosie, comfort her, but were too nervous of my reaction.
Once in the hotel I asked if we could use the dining room which was closed as we had something to discuss in private. They opened the door for us and we all trooped in silently.
“What is my weakness. Who or what in this world, our own I mean, can hurt me? Who do I have no defences against?”
None of them answered. “I want an answer! You will please answer me when I ask a question.”
“We can Robert.”
“Almost a hundred per cent correct. The correct answer is, all those that I love.
If I have no defence against those I love, how do you expect me to handle a situation where I love, but I am not loved in the same way? Do you honestly expect me to make of myself a mat to be walked over?
I have already explained to Rosie. She took what started as playful teasing and then out of a mixture of pride and spite she turned it into something ugly. She acted like a spoilt little brat. She felt safe in the knowledge that I love her, adore her, and she used my love for her to hurt me.
I will no longer tolerate that kind of attitude and behaviour. If I am to give all of myself to you, then I expect you to reciprocate or else I am placed in an unfair position. You all know that if anything were to threaten Rosie I would protect her at whatever cost to myself, but I will not act as her punching bag.
I have declared myself divorced from her. I have not presumed to divorce her on your behalf. You do as you see fit. There are two further things I want from you. I love her as my daughter and she knows what I expect as a father. I do not want her back in my bed again. Once we are back home she sleeps in one of the external guest bedrooms.
The second thing is a request for your help Cherine. It is not pleasant for me to be linked to her, to feel her feelings. I want that link broken as soon as possible. That is all. Anybody has anything to say, say it now.”
I know my girls. If their emotions had not been so deeply involved they might have listened to my arguments, seen some sense in them. The way they were feeling, logic did not have any right of place. They were in a terrible shock at my request for the link to be broken and were openly weeping. Cherine had taken her into her arms as if to protect her. Only Dommi stared at me with a face cold but thoughtful.
“Rosie is still my wife and will remain so for as long as she wants. Breaking the link will not work Robert. Even if you can, Rosie will be linked to us and you will still feel her through us.”
“I expect you to mute it then.”
“I will not. To mute it I have to mute it within myself, that I will not do.”
“You all feel the same?”
“Yes.” Was a word repeated but not spoken freely, it was torn out of them in a fear of what was to follow. They were right.
“I’m sorry. Then I have to mute you all.”
1355
I stood up and turned towards the door. Rosie tore herself out of her mother’s arms and rushed to me, blocking me. She fell to my feet and clung to my legs.
“Please Robert, please don’t. I’m sorry, I swear I’ll never do it again. I’ll do whatever you say.” She kept on pleading and crying in huge gasping sobs. I felt she was going into shock and the fear in her was terrifying for me. Desperately I clung to my purpose.
I raised her to her feet and held her by her shoulders. “No daughter of mine grovels at the feet of any man. Where is your pride!”
“I don’t have any, I swear daddy, I don’t…”
“Stop it. Sit down.” I seated her and sat opposite. “If you break a vase, or even if you wiped out the hard drive on my computer, if you disobeyed me out of childishness, anything you did, however wrong, however much it hurt me, you know I would forgive you. The reason would be that I know you love me above everything else.
What you did today, what you have done other times, has been to selfishly treat me as if I only come second, my love and the hurt you can cause in me weapons for you to use. Rosie, you are not the only one who can use those weapons. For once I have placed myself first, above you - how does that make you feel?”
“Like you don’t love me.”
“And it hurts? Why do you think you have the right to do it to me, but I do not have the right to do it to you, am I, is my heart worth less?”
“No.” She would not look at me, her face staring down at the tablecloth and her fingers gripping it.
“There is no easy answer that can make things right between us. It is not a matter of you apologising. Rosie, you do not act this way with me only, you do it to all those who love you. In small ways maybe, and they give in to you. You have within you parts of them. Why have you never looked to see how you hurt them, how small resentments are beginning to snowball.
I expect all of you to stand tall, to be proud of who you are, I even sometimes foolishly hope you take pride in the fact that I love you. For some reason it seems to be true of the others, but not of you. Why?
I’ll tell you why, because your pride does not make you stand tall, your pride makes you small and spiteful.”
I’d given the girls the wrong impression. They thought as Robert I’d found it impossible to bear the pain of hurting her and that my talk was the beginning of a reconciliation. Rosie looked up into my eyes, a long stare and tears poured down her cheeks again. She had seen the truth and felt despair at my implacable refusal to capitulate and take her back.
“You think of a way to prove to me that you have changed and we may find a way to settle this in another way.”
She spoke with gasps for air through her sobs. “How? There is nothing I can do to prove it.”
“You have a mother who adores you, sisters and wives. Prove to them you have changed, let them feel you love them more than you love your pride. Let them see deep within you and find you pure and then return to me and we will find a way. Otherwise, your only alternative is to carry on as you are and spend a very long life hurting those who love you until the day comes when nobody does. I do not like foreseeing that kind of future for my daughter. Change it.”
I stood up and walked out of the hotel.
I did not know where to go, but I knew I had to be alone, my face and thoughts hidden from them. I posted a privacy sign, keeping them out of my thoughts and emotions and walked down a country road until I was certain I would not be seen. Just beyond a low fence was a tree. I went to it and sat with my back to it away from the road. Now the shakes began to slowly build up.
1356
I had kept my thoughts hidden behind a coldness, but the hurt of my Rosie and the girls had been felt in full by me. I still could not believe what I had done, how extreme my reaction had been. The girls would try to blame the war and they were right, but not in the way they thought.
I could still remember the plea in the eyes of Eddie, his attempt to soften us with his story of what Hettie had been like when he first met her. I knew that in his eyes that was how she had been. The purity and sweetness he had then seen had blinded him as he looked at her with eyes clouded by love.
For her to have become what she is now, there must have been the taint of various weaknesses. Pride had to be one of them. The kind of pride that starts off by saying ‘I can’t say I’m sorry, I can’t say I love you’ and refuses to bend its knee for anyone. Soon come those feelings that I deserve it, it is only what is due to me and then all faces become meaningless as all needs become primary, the hurt or pain of others unimportant in the fulfilment of that pride. What could be more egotistical than to see the life and maybe soul of a child as expendable so as to increase a life span?
I cannot lay down the law for all Cherinians, but for my own family, I have to. To have to fight one of my own as I’d fought Doris would not only ultimately destroy me, it would destroy all of us. The time for sacrifices is now while they are still children and malleable - and dare I say it, while my Rosie still loves me.
I sat there, with back against the tree and there were no tears, just the shaking, my teeth chattering as I tried to bury my feelings and fears. One more souvenir of pain to hide from all my loves.
I am ashamed to say that as I sat shaking, I began to use the imagination of self-pity. I began to imagine scenarios where Rosie turns against me because of today, her heart forever blocked from me. I went off into realms of wild fantasy and such is self pity that it was as if it all had come about and I was soon sobbing. Though even such self-indulgence is the child of real fears, it did not help that deep inside was a part of me laughing at my dramatisations.
To jump ahead for a moment while the subject is till relevant. On our return I did have a private session with Themi. He told me I should not be ashamed of my self-pity and dramatisation. He explained it was natural after the trauma and shock of the attacks. Seeing my hand slashing my wrist against my own wishes; to bear the panga gashes deep into my body and then be shot, these were not experiences the mind has defences against. For a while, I should expect to find myself weeping at odd moments for no reason, to feel panic in the middle of the night, even waking up in a cold sweat.
For any other person he would insist on therapy, but he felt our Cherinian ways, our sharing will help to ‘dilute’ the effects. I did not confide in him that I am blocking all my loved ones from this turmoil within me. I do not want them exposed to emotions and fears which might make them less than they are now.
I fell asleep under that tree and woke up in the deep hours of the night. Being a small hotel in a village, I knew the doors would be locked so I sent a message to my girls, telling them to go to sleep and I would see them in the morning.
How was I to know that passions had run high that night and a young girl of nineteen even at that moment lay suffocating in her own blood.
I spent the night mostly walking to keep away the slight nip in the air and feeling a lot calmer and in control I was at the door of the hotel when they opened them. The old lady was experienced in these situations and with nothing more than a good morning sir, let me in and I went straight to my room for a bath; the one draw-back I dislike about this old hotel is that they do not have showers and even the bathrooms are shared by all the guests.
The girls had felt my return and soon as I was ready we trooped into the restaurant for breakfast. In contrast to our normal noisy entrance we all were quiet and the fear of upsetting me could be sliced with a knife.
“This is the gentleman officer, the one who spent the night outside. I let him in at just after six thirty this morning.”
It did not take too long for us to find out what it was all about. The officer was very insistent that I accompany him immediately to the station. He was almost hostile; though he tried to cover it, I could feel a cold fury in him. I was tired and hungry and I flared up.
1357
“I did not have any supper last night and I intend having my breakfast. You may wait here or at the station, I will come soon as I am finished. I am not prepared to stay hungry just because of some bureaucratic nonsense.”
This angered him and he spoke without thinking. “We do not consider murder bureaucratic nonsense.”
“Murder! What the hell are you talking about? Who was murdered?”
He had recovered and refused to answer. I sat looking at him, drumming my fingers on the linen.
“I would venture a few guesses. The murder was committed last night and you were advised I’d spent the night locked out of the hotel. Therefore you suspect me?”
“I think it would be better you come to the station with me now sir. If you are innocent and can prove it, I’m certain your questions will be answered in due course.”
“Tell me, if I were in a cell, would you leave me without supper and breakfast? I thought not. I have no intention of running away. I just want to have a meal and then I will accompany you. Officer, this is a small village and though I do not know many people well, I have met most of them. From your attitude I can tell it was somebody popular and the loss is felt keenly. Please tell me who was murdered, the knowledge will not affect your interview or my statement. If you had arrived here half an hour later I would have known anyway.”
“Mr Teller you leave me no alternative. I am arresting you on the suspicion of murder committed last night. If you refuse to immediately come with me, I will note that you resisted arrest.”
“Then note it. I am having my breakfast.”
The hotel owner spoke up, her eyes like ice, including my sweet loves in her obvious hate of me. “I am afraid there will be no breakfast this morning. The brutal murder of Lillian has upset all of us and there is no one to prepare breakfast.”
“For god’s sake Robert, just go. I’ll bring you something to eat.”
“You will not. Call Rob and arrange for you to stay elsewhere. If the village think I committed this crime they will not be friendly towards you either. I want you out of here within the hour.”
“I am afraid that will not be possible. I insist they all accompany us to the station. We will require that they make a statement.”
“Bullshit, in a case this serious you do not have the right to demand anything until we have an attorney present.”
“And you persist in your instructions to the ladies that they leave immediately?”
“Of course not. If you require their statements you shall have them. Thereafter I hold you responsible. If any harm comes to these young ladies, I will spend my last cent if necessary to see that you pay for it.”
He turned to the hotel owner. “You are witness to his threatening me?”
“I am officer.”
I ignored the legal games he was playing. “Lillian. Isn’t she that pretty girl of about nineteen, long dark hair and deep blue eyes? I talked to her once for a minute or so. She seemed a nice girl. Why would anyone want to kill her?”
“You are a witness that he confessed he knew the victim, had spoken to her and that I did not prompt him to do so?”
“Officer, you may go on in this vein for as long as you like, you will not end up incriminating me. If you are not able to find the true murderer then I will have to do so for you.”
“You do that, as long as it is from within your cell.”
Now came the crunch. We had not thought to prepare ourselves with false documentation. My fingerprints were exactly the same as those of Rob. To go to the station would cause us trouble, whatever the outcome. I looked at my hands, carefully realigning the whorls so that they would no longer match those of Rob.
1358
The officer made notes and putting away his notebook reached out for me. I told the girls to ignore him and walk out, soon as each of them got out of sight they were to jump to the farm. I promised to join them there.
I made it difficult for him, resisting just enough to ensure his attention was on me and the girls left silently. The old lady saw them and called out a warning.
“You come back here right now!”
“I think you have a dilemma officer. Either you chase after them or hold on to me. Keep going girls.”
He was now angry enough to forget about calling me sir and placed handcuffs on me, my arms behind my back.
I grinned at him. “You been seeing too many American movies officer?”
He marched me through the main street and I felt every eye upon me. Some stood on the pavement and reviled me, calling me an animal. I ignored them, my mind racing, trying to recall a suitable spot for my disappearing act. As we passed the local pub I saw some steps going down to a cellar. I needed only a second. As we came to the steps I stumbled and rolled down the concrete steps and jumped as I hit bottom.
I nearly knocked down some of the girls as my momentum was transferred with me.
“Robert, are you alright?”
“Give me a minute and I will be. I’m not an accomplished stairs tumbler. Can one of you get these handcuffs off?”
As they got them off me Diana giggled. “That must be one very puzzled policeman.”
“Don’t turn against him loves. His job is to protect his people. I was a rather obvious target for his suspicions. I had to rile him so as to get away, that does not mean I do not respect what he was trying to do - even if I am innocent.”
“What now?”
“That is painfully obvious. I have to return to the time and scene of the crime. We cannot do it in our bodies. I am going as the void. I want all of you to get away from here, this is an obvious place to search for us. You will have to take my body with you.”
“You cannot move through time from the void, we will all have to return home and return here to just before the murder, then you can go from the void.”
I have not mentioned that I had felt a liking for the murdered girl and I was furious about her death. There is no acceptable reason for anyone killing a child of nineteen, whatever their faults; that it should happen to someone as sweet as her made my blood boil. This was not just a case of proving my innocence, I wanted the killer to pay.
I also admit that I am against the death penalty, but find it unacceptable that a person may commit such a heinous crime and find themselves free within a matter of years, without any counselling or therapy, placing society at danger again.
From statistics I’ve seen, I understand that to the contrary of theoretical intentions, such people when freed are even further hardened by their time in prison. I’m certain that to the inmates, the idea of time off for good behaviour must be a joke, another sign to them that society is soft and foolish. Not that I’m against it per se, but I wish there was some way for Normals to properly evaluate the apparent changes in their criminals.
What is the purpose of placing criminals in prison? If as a society we are only looking for revenge then the softness of our system does not satisfy that need. Ask any person who has lost a loved one, do they feel revenge has been meted in full when they see the murderer out within a few years? Of course we do not call it ‘revenge’, we just say the criminal must ‘pay’ for what they did - and we no longer pretend they are held for being rehabilitated.
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If it is not revenge, but so as to protect society from the criminal, then I am totally at a loss for words. We take a person who commits a crime, place them in an institution that hardens them, teaches them to lose all respect for human life, teaches them to look after numero uno only and kills any compassion for others and respect for law. Soon as we have effectively turned them into a true menace we then free them.
I am not talking about the minor crimes, not that the difference is so great. Our need to show compassion for the criminal should be tempered by common sense - plus a reasoned sense of purpose that reflects the society and its mores. I am certain judges face many dilemmas if they still have a conscious and wish to improve society. There are thousands of laws on the books that should not exist and there are many prisoners who should not have been incarcerated, for their crime caused no harm to society.
I am digressing without arriving anywhere so I better return to the subject.
I knew the murderer would be placed in prison, I would see to that. I also knew that he (I presumed a ‘he’ from the method of killing) would get time off for good behaviour and in ten years or so would be free with his conscious assuaged by the feeling that he had ‘paid’ for his crime. I am not interested in the crime he committed against society and its laws; contrary to what many believe, I consider them only secondary. I am interested in the crime he committed against Lillian. If her soul were still around (if so I would find her) it must be crying out for some form of reparation, some vengeance for all it had lost. She must have had those she loved and would no longer be with, she was missing out on all that would have given her life meaning. I meant to see that she got some measure of comfort.
Strangely, Cherine the giver of all that is finest in our makeup is the only one who understands me. The rest, including Dommi, see my role at this time as being solely that of finding the evidence to have the right person incriminated and myself absolved of all charges. They prefer to leave it to our government, the systems in place to punish him.
If we have a system that ‘cures’ him, makes him see what a heinous crime he committed I would agree - till then I will use my abilities as I see fit, for my responsibility lies with the future, not just the past and present.
I think I gave the girls a shock when I explained to them that if I were taken to court for loving them, I would be given a longer jail sentence than the murderer of this poor girl. That once in jail I had little chance of coming out of it alive as the other criminals would make it their ‘business’ to see that I ‘paid’. Why, was it because some of them were parents and felt I was a threat to their children? I think not. It is mostly the instinct we have that demands we protect all children.
“But you would never hurt a child Robert!”
“I know that, you know that Meli, they do not. Do you know that what I just said is not only true if I were accused of doing what I have? It would be the same even if they could prove that I had only looked at a picture of a little girl? If the police searched my hard drive and found, saved by the ridiculous system files of Microsoft, evidence that I had visited a site showing soft core pornographic pictures of children, whether clothed or not, I would be sentenced.
You have seen how when visiting crack or hack sites they open up a multitude of browsers, nearly all pornographic, with a number of them being child pornography. They leave ‘evidence’ on the hard drive that I looked at children in sexual situations, even if I did not see them as other browsers immediately opened over them.
There is such an apparent phobia about children being sexually abused that the authorities have found it easier to go after those who see a picture, showing the public they are convicting ‘children lovers’ while those who abuse the children, who take the photos, are relatively safe.”
Theresa listened to all this, nodding. “It is true. The men who used me, they used to joke about it. They pay a few policemen to leave them alone and since they make a lot of money they can. They even offer them sex with the girls they want. They sometimes give the policemen some of the addresses of the people who come to see the pictures, mainly those who do not pay, and that way the police are happy, they show they are doing their job while making money also.”
I was pleased to find she spoke without that deep bitterness of her earlier days with us, showing she is beginning to leave those memories behind her.
I asked her, “Do you still feel strongly about those men who used children that way?”
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“Yes. I would like to see them all killed.”
“Why don’t you feel that way about me then? You see me loving children, why does that not upset you?”
“It is different. In the beginning I was hurt and confused, I thought you are the same as them. Then I saw how they all love you, how sometimes you had to force them to wait until they are ready for you. I felt the fear in you that you might hurt one of them. I think it is not always wrong for a grownup to love a child, not if they both love each other very much.”
“I really do not understand why you girls do not want me to punish this person, the murderer, when you see for yourselves that society will not.”
Alexis said, “I only care about you, I do not want you to have to hide from the police.” I sensed most of them felt the same way.
“I think if you had met Lillian you would not feel the same way.”
“We are too few to help everyone Robert.” Theresa said.
“That is why we helped you love. We cannot go out and save all the children, but Cherine met you so we had to. It is the same with Lillian, even if I had not become a prime suspect I would still feel the need to do this. I’ve met her and care!”
Rosie had not taken part in the conversation and had kept herself as unobtrusive as possible, so I was surprised to hear her voice. “This is all my fault.”
Dommi responded immediately. “That is nonsense.”
“It is not! If I had not been so stupid yesterday Robert would have been with us and he would not have been blamed.”
“You can’t say that for sure my baby...”
“Do not try to absolve her Dommi. She has pleased me by taking responsibility. Rosie I’m proud of you.”
“I’m sorry Robbie.”
“Apology accepted. That said and done, you are not responsible for what happened, you are only responsible for the bad feelings between us and the hurt. I have confidence in you and know you will make it turn out right. I have to believe that, for I love you too much to allow you not to.”
She needed a hug and it tore my heart to just stand there.
We jumped and then returned to the alt-world. We went to the house of little Cherine. We had to explain what is to happen and what I intend.
“Can’t you save the girl Robert?”
“I can’t Marian. If I do, the act would create another alternate reality. In this one she would still be dead.”
I saw Marian’s fingers trembling as she said, “I find it horrible to know she is alive now and that we know she is to die and we have to let her die.”
I guess I gave in because it was what I really wanted. “All I can do is gather her soul and bring her back in a new body. She will need a new identity.”
I left my body and with the protector I went to the void. I became one with the void and gathered the energy I would need to return to Earth as the void.
When I returned I was attracted for some reason to myself. I saw myself sitting under the tree and then returned to the village looking for Lillian. She had already left her home. I searched in ever growing circles until I found her. She was with a middle aged man. Now all I could do was wait.
Αλέξανδρος Ζήνον Ευσταθίου
(Alexander Zenon Eustace)11th July, 2019
* posted on Steemit: 11th July, 2019
@nikosnitza