A Guide to Success and Happiness
Believe it or not, hidden in our favorite video games lie the secrets to happiness.
From Zelda to Mario, Call of Duty to World of Warcraft, video games have discovered fundamental principles that can teach us how to live better, happier lives. After all, there’s a reason Nerd Fitness’s tagline has always been: “level up your life.”
No, I’m not talking about losing yourself in Sims or Second Life.
I’m talking about happiness IRL.
DOES SUCCESS EQUAL HAPPINESS?
How many times have you said to yourself:
“If I just had more money, I’d be happy.”
“If I just had a bigger TV/car/house, I’d be happy.”
“If I just looked more like that guy/girl, I’d be happy.”
“If I just got that promotion, I’d be happy.”
We oftentimes tie our happiness to our success on what we don’t have. Certainly ambition is important, but are we deluding ourselves by interlocking the two?
Harvard University psychologist Daniel Gilbert’s explains in Stumbling on Happiness that psychologists have “…concluded that wealth increases human happiness when it lifts people out of abject poverty and into the middle class but that it does little to increase happiness thereafter.”
In other words, once we reach a certain threshold of “financial stability,” more money generally means we spend more money on more things we don’t need (our minds quickly rationalize and adjust so that this new FANCY thing becomes normal almost immediately). Soon we’re unsatisfied and “need” something even more fancy/shiny/big…thus continuing our current path to keep up with that level of consumption.
Long story short, science has shown that oftentimes more “things” do not make us happier. But is this really news?
Unfortunately, our economy is predicated on us consuming more, buying more, buying bigger, or buying the newest thing; thus we’re taught we need those things in order to be happy (which is a lie).
Ever heard of the Adaptation Level Principle?
Researchers looked at two groups of people: people who just won the lottery and people who had recently become paraplegics.
More than that, paraplegics reported being happier in everyday tasks than the lottery winners.
As it turns out, seeking happiness by chasing bigger/better/newer/shinier quickly fades, and our new ‘happy’ from those things quickly becomes our new ‘normal.’ Believe it or not, this mindset can be unproductive and outright dangerous.
SO, I’M NOT SUPPOSED TO SUCCEED OR COMPETE?
I can hear you now: “Well that’s just great Steve, so what am I supposed to do? Start making my own pants and live in a cave?”
Don’t worry, that’s not what I’m suggesting. And I know exactly what you’re thinking. Hell, one of my life goals is to “buy an island.” Good luck doing that without trying to be successful, right?
What I AM saying, is that your monetary worth has FAR less of an impact on your happiness than a ton of other factors in your life.
I recently came across a quote from Walt Disney that I’ve truly taken to heart: “We don’t make movies to make money, we make money to make more movies.”
In layman’s terms: Spending 60 hours a week for 40 years in a job you hate, to buy things you don’t need, to impress people you don’t like…is a shitty (yeah I swore, sorry Grandma!) way to go through life.
We have a finite amount of time on this planet, and we need to decide how and where our time, energy, and attention is spent.
To borrow a quote from the late Senator Paul Tsongas (who quit politics when he found out he had terminal cancer), “ I never met a man on his deathbed who said he wished he had spent more time at work.”
THE PROGRESS PRINCIPLE
Have you ever played a role playing game, where you have to grind out hours of killing bad guys to level up?
Or maybe spent wayyy too many hours playing a game long after it was fun just to get that final achievement/trophy?
To many people, this might seem crazy! How can nerds do this seemingly mechanical, repetitive thing and call it fun!?
The answer?
The Progress Principle.
The experience bar, the skill tree, the achievement system.
It turns out, we LOVE making progress.
We love making progress so much that we actually enjoy it more than getting the thing we wanted in the first place! It doesn’t need to be big progress, it just needs to be enough that we realize we are moving forward, improving, getting better. So when you see your roommate killing rats and spiders in World of Warcraft, only to return three hours later to find him doing the exact same thing, one thing has changed: he is that much closer to the next level.
Incremental improvement can be addictive.
WORK ON YOUR PASSION DAILY
I know that’s easier said than done (though not as difficult as you might think), but that doesn’t mean you cannot challenge yourself to find “the zone” and “flow” in other parts of your life.
What sort of activities do you enjoy outside of work? Knitting? Karate? Learning a language? Playing a musical instrument? Painting? Hiking?
Find a way to make time for these things as often as possible. Challenge yourself to make room for them in a busy day, for we all know that “I don’t have time” is a big fat lie.
For example, I’m currently blocking off time to play the piano or guitar for 30 minutes a day; if I don’t make it a priority, I’ll always find some more work to do. And more work isn’t always the better decision.
BE GRATEFUL
If beginning your day with clearing your mind can make you happier, what end of day can you take to make you happier?
Be grateful.
Oftentimes we are unhappy because we spend our time wishing we were like somebody else, or had something else, or were doing something else. Our reality doesn’t match up with the idealized version we had in our minds, and thus our happiness is out of balance.
Rather than complaining about what you don’t have, focus on what you DO have that is awesome.
As Eric Baker points out (in this AWESOME post on happiness), “Bronze medalists are happier than silver medalists. Why? They feel grateful to get a medal at all.”
Be grateful, be thankful (when was the last time you hand-wrote a “thank-you” note?) and remind yourself of it daily.
Try this:
Every night before you go to bed, write down three things that went well that day. Use Evernote, a word doc, or a journal on your nightstand, but keep a record! Look back on the journal when you are feeling unhappy and reflect on all of the awesome things that have happened recently
THE DAILY HABIT OF HAPPINESS
Clay Link
“Happiness is not a reward, it’s a consequence.”
Find a way to work on the areas of your life above every day and you’ll find that your outlook and happiness can improve. This is one of my longer articles (which is saying something), so I’m going to recap it all for you into actionable steps.
Here’s how to build the habit of making yourself happier:
When you wake up, try meditating before checking your phone or turning on your computer. Even if it’s only for two minutes.
Do what you can to spend your time on projects you love, and less time doing work that doesn’t make you happy.
Spend less money on things and instead on experiences.
Spend time each day in “the zone” on a passion, project, or activity you love. Build something, make something, do something.
Incrementally improve your health, and reward yourself for it. Pick an activity or exercise to improve your physical wellbeing. You’re in the right place!
Spend more time with people you love, and less time with people that drag you down. Don’t have friends or a partner? Work on your skills to find them!
Be grateful every day for the things that have gone right. Keep a record to remind yourself of these things.
Here is your homework: Pick ONE thing above to focus on today. That’s already an improvement over yesterday.
As you build the habit for ONE thing above, it can contagiously spread to other aspects of your life, and you can build momentum.
I realize this is a MASSIVE subject, and this is just one humble nerd’s opinion on success and happiness.
I’d love to hear your thoughts:
What does happiness mean to you?
Are there steps you’ve taken to work on your happiness?
Did I leave something out?
-Samtos