Acceptance does not mean apathy

There is room for desire in acceptance. We can be at peace despite conditions, while simultaneously working to change conditions. We do need to think so much, just to live passionately and to remember that there is order in the chaos.

Today I woke up to find the fire of life burning inside of me again. It's been a while.

I randomly found a new guilty pleasure,a pop singer who is full of the playfulness that I was once full of.

"I can still be that." I thought.

Her music wasn't that special so it's not really worth sharing here, I just found imagined a 60 or 70 year old me stilll full of such youthfulness and liveliness and thought "Am I going to let a few back problems pull me down in my 30s? Hell no."

There was fear of "What if I fail?" or "What if I'm fooling myself, what if my body can't handle it?". It was "I'll put the time and effort into peace of mind and a healthy body and make it happen, or I'll die having given it my best." There is no more fear of failure or breaking down. Whatever happens happens but I have enough fire to keep burning.

I also noticed an activist group in another city trying to protect a homeless village from being broken up and scattered about. I did not know such people existed here...it's a trip to get there but I could easily visit from time to time if I get my shit together.

Between these two things I realized there are all kinds of people out there waiting for me to pull myself together and come out of this hole.

Immediately found myself wanting to write again, after a two week hiatus and found myself wanting to play music again after a two month hiatus. Ideas for songs and my stories started to rush into my head and I realize I had about 16 hours before it's likely feel like time for sleep. I could do a lot with those if I concentrate, more than i get done in a week sometimes.

My back did not feel good but it did not scare me. I'll stretch and if that doesn't work, I'll use this fire to meditate effctively the rest of the day, whatever path life leaves open for me.

I spent the first three hours cleaning up my mess of a room and stretching, and my back feels a lot better. Its still hard to imagine playing music like this but writing I can do. After I write I'll try some breathing exercises and see if I will be able to record a new demo today!

I will continue to accept everything, and at the same time sharing my passion and desire with the world!

Ok, I got to the cafe, time to work!