In the mind of a pure cynic #4

How about another post in the "huh?" department. Maybe a bit shorter one.
A "Seinfieldish" observational comedy bit, minus the comedy part.
Maybe the better name for it being:

Outlook of a dissapointed cynic.

Ill add it to my "in the mind of a pure cynic"
series.

But what if we went a bit further? Just another step.... see how far we can push it... what if going under the surface of things wouldnt be enough. Is there something lower then that?
Under the the mud of cynicism. Is there anything at all?

Hmm? A dissapointed cynic is a term ive never used before. If a dissapointed idealist is a cynic, then what is a dissapointed cynic?
A nihilist? Or maybe just a dentist driving off a cliff.
A motivational speaker just pumping alcohol into your bloodstream and reality being the sobering coffee.
Societal expectations, a tether keeping you sticking around. A grind akin to those presented to you in one of those MMO games.
What is it?
The dreams you had and the goals you set being just an extention of that and failure to complete them being on equal grounds as attaining them.
I know what you want...

Oh, you want that momentary satisfaction. Like a drug addict seeking that next high. You are here today, now, tomorrow is a mistery, isnt it?

That time the "universe" spoke to you? You know... When you were driving down the street having made a life altering decision, with the radio on, and every song speaking to you.
Not one or two or 5..

All of them.

And all carry meaning for you. Telling you yes or no. That never happens on accident. Only at the times of your most emotional openness and in your most apsorbive state.
is the meaning there?
Maybe.. There are no rules. If there is meaning for you, then something must be happening.
The band playing might have been coked out of their mind, high on LSD but maybe the "universe" just set it up to be so.

Maybe those noses were sniffling for a reason?

One day for you to have a realization, driving your Prius down 5th avenue..

What is it? Is there anything really?
You strike a random point on a blank page and draw a line from it. From it another and another. A square then a cube. But whatever you do you cant escape the two dimensional confounds of the sheet.

erase and start again.

But the pencil is heavy and your hands are tired.

You stop...

All those pretty squares, cubes, triangles, hexagons you have drawn just fading out of memory. Someone elses sheets being stuck on the board, one after the other. Yours getting lost under layers upon layers.

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Maybe sharpen that pencil and start again.