Comedy Open Mic Round 13 | Four Reasons Why Men Are Scum (Satire)

Brothers, sisters and friends, it is a beautiful morning the Lord is given us here and we must make sure to use it well. Today, I am about to preach a lesson you all need to hear. Several controversies have raged on this issue and it’s time the truth gets out of the pulpit into the minds of all faithful believers.

Today, I will speak on why Men Are Scum. It is going to be a short lesson, but a good one too.

1. All Men Are Scum

Yeah, that’s right, all men are scum. When we say ALL MEN, we are referring to everyone that identifies as a man. I’m sorry folks but that’s the truth of the word. Sisters, last I checked, your father is a man, so is your brother or brothers and that male friend you like a lot. In fact, every man you have ever met is a scum.

If that is true, then you are a product of a scumbag. That’s good though. I mean, it shows you are not a bastard, or raised in a lab.

2. All Men Mimic Each Other’s Behaviour Using The Great Steemauto

All men are the same. Whatever you see a man do is being done by other men. It is the truth of the matter brethren. So sister, when a guy mistreated you or someone you know very badly, you should know what every other man dead or alive did it too. And for that, you have the divine justification to refer to all men as scum.

As a man, I remember that day when we all went to the great steemauto and decided to mimic each other behaviour. So if a man behaves as a scum and so you think all men are scum, I perfectly understand.

I also remember that all women put themselves follow each other’s curation trail too. You know that bitch down the road that deserves a golden shovel as an accolade for being a gold digger? Well, turns out you are on her curation trail. You know what that means? You’re a fucking gold digger too.

3. All Men Are Preprogrammed To Be Scum

I know people like to say men are responsible for their actions. And there can only be responsibility when there’s choice. But men have got no choice. They’ve got no right to think for themselves. Every man by default is a scum. They can deny it, admit it, love or hate it… it doesn’t change the truth of the matter.

We men have no choice. We are scum because that’s what we are. It is ingrained in our DNA. The moment we wake up, we stretch, yawn and then need to pray to our Scumbag God. We ask him for insight on how to be the best scumbag the world has ever seen.

But that’s not all. The books we read, our religious affiliations , our relationships… they are all geared towards one thing: we want to be the best scumbags ever. You know the good thing about that? Your son is already a scumbag. It is in his fucking DNA. Same is your ‘dada’ and your brothers

4. There’s Only One Side To Every Man: The Scumbag Side

I know some people are thinking about the sweet things many men have done. The sacrifices they have made on behalf of others, even strangers. It doesn’t matter. It fucking doesn’t matter. All men are scum!

Some say some men who have been scumbags in the past are trying very hard to redeem themselves, to behave responsible, to become better men. Well, that’s all horse shit! All men are scum.

I remember that all women are bitches too. They are self-seeking, exploitive, shameless golddiggers. Every fucking one of them. It doesn’t matter if many of them try to live right.

Alright folks. That will be all for now.

I nominate @holybranches and @eddy-18 to continue this holy sermon.

Thanks for reading

Blessings

[image source: Wikipedia Commons]