Educating our children with Discipline and Love
center>
When we establish radical positions around the education of our children, we lose control of the situation. So, if we go to the permissive extreme and make a play on words, we can say that we can have a normal life with children around us, not around them, as if our life were conditioned to their desires.
For education to be adequate, it must meet certain requirements: systematic, authoritative and caring. We understand systematicity as the fact of being coherent, that our words and actions are in tune. This is the best way for our children to see the values we want to transmit with our actions, to experience the positive consequences of assuming them and internalizing them.
With authority, we refer to the ability to take control of situations with our children, serving as a reliable guide, even if it is not infallible. Authority should be discouraged among parents, because if an adult is discredited in front of the child, it will automatically lose its authority. As far as possible, different points of view should be addressed in particular.
Finally, I want to refer to arts of affection that makes all learning is not painful, but to facilitate and stimulate the senses. Let's see some points that will make us understand that discipline and love must be united in education.
It is forbidden not to speak
This is one of the best rules of Finnish education, which is creating a trend on how to improve the education of children in and out of school.
It is forbidden not to speak in the classroom, since they consider that the communicative need is basic in every human being, and they omit it to simulate the rectitude and discipline only indicates the teachers and parents inability to understand our nature and, therefore, nature of their children.
It is simply about giving the word to children when they want to express themselves. Not anyway, but at any time. This clashes radically with our idea of righteousness, but we must consider the following: these old ideas repeated again and again gave a good result in education?
When we refer to letting them speak, we mean that the child has communicative needs and needs to share them. It is only to specify what is the best way to do this with a certain tone or at a certain time, but making it clear that she can express herself if she wishes.
Many of the disruptive behaviors are caused by a child who feels ignored without thinking of himself and one of the reasons for acting: obedience. Let her talk, communicate and express herself. Speaking makes you learn to express yourself through speech, and not through impulsive actions.
The fights in particular; the reinforcements, in public
There is nothing more devastating for the self-esteem of a child than suffering reproaches, insults, corrections or even physical punishment in public (the latter would be denounced). Besides being bad for self-esteem, it's useless for your education.
When the child is recriminated in front of many people, she is thinking much more about enduring the shame and how to restore her pride than what you are trying to tell her.
If you want to correct something in the child's behavior at a meeting of friends or, for example, at a birthday party, talk to her privately or, if necessary, withdraw completely from this situation. If you believe that you have lost control of the situation, regain that control, but in particular.
On the contrary, the ribs can be given in public without fear of it to develop an excessive vanity. Showing affection in public and receiving compliments for her good behavior in front of her classmates is instructive and revealing to her and the rest of the children.
Explain things as if you were an adult, with examples for children
There is no reason to talk to the children as if they did not understand, because in the end they are going to pretend not to understand in order to get some benefit of their own. Not being able to understand words and complex syntax does not mean that they can not understand the essence of an explanation. Adapt to the child's level and have her enter the reasoning by asking questions about the consequences of behaving in one way or another.
For example, if someone insulted, you can try to establish analogies between what you have just done and what you want them to do with it. If she insulted someone (for example, because hers and smells bad), explain to her how she would feel if commenting in front of other children that until now she pees in bed from time to time.
Interpellate her knowledge, make a simple analogy and stimulate her empathy with others.
It is allowed to be severe, but control the tone of voice and gestures
When a child passes the limits, he must be punished or the parents must at least point out that bad behavior. There are several types of problematic behaviors, the important thing is that they are corrected with consistency and systematicity as soon as they appear. The reason is to prevent the child from implementing it in his repertoire of behaviors to get something he wants.
If a classmate was connected, for example, you must show the determination of the penalty or penalties that must be met. It can include a restorative action (ask for forgiveness and perform a positive action for that partner), a withdrawal of rewards or negative punishment (not being able to play a videogame for a week) or a severe and firm conversation with the adults that surround it.
That is why it is recommended, it does not mean that we should forget our tone of voice and our gestures in rebuke. They say that the tone in which we talk to our children is their inner voice, then the ideal is to have a strong voice, but avoiding shouting. Pointing out your particular behavior, but not your personality and character in a global way, and always establishing appropriate behavioral alternatives.
If you ask that your child be controlled, you have to perceive that control in you.