Okay, now I'm just going to do this all at once just to get through it before I can just go to sleep. Before deciding to write this I had decided to make a video but the camera wouldn't work, before that I was walking in the street talking to myself like a child throwing a tantrum, just to calm myself a little. Now in my walk I passed through a group of kids who were throwing fire crackers around which I didn't notice because I was, again, throwing a walking tantrum. One of the crackers had me jump out and kids laughed at me just seconds before a car passed by and for some reason the guy riding shotgun screamed "fatty" at me for some reason. So needless to say, no, that didn't calm me down.

What am I talking about ?

Twenty days ago @steemitblog announced a contest to win tickets steemfest, I originally thought that the winners will be picked randomly, you know, like an idiot. But to be fair I only thought so because I read their post which stated "The five winners will be chosen in a random drawing and will be notified by Steemit, Inc.". How stupid of me, right? Anyway, I couldn't get to read the winner announcements post because I figured since I'm not tagged then I missed out. Now there I have made a mistake between the time the post was announced and the time the winners were announce, my mistake was actually putting so much hope into this. But please understand this part. In the past month I was barely able to sleep at all, every now and then a sound of a bomb or a shooting or just people screaming at night would keep me from sleeping, I stay in an apartment with lots of people, the apartment itself is old, and the country just sucks. I have no job despite applying everywhere I could think off. My biggest source of entertainment is reading @comedyopenmic posts and doing an hour radio show with @buttcoins.

It's a pretty pathetic mundane life I know, but I look at the bright site almost always. I write stupid posts about self-driven cars, plants, chickens, song lyrical parodies, hell I even wrote a dick song for @carlgnash. Which considering the circumstances, I think it should have gone to @ned more, sorry Carl. Why does all of what I mentioned matter is something I'll explain later, but for now I hope you understand that I know that high expectation of a raffle or a random draw is a wrong policy to have. Which is why for a week I didn't complain or even felt bad for more than 3 minutes about missing out. Even though the idea of not getting to meet people like @buttcoins and @llfarms would have been great along with all the others, and actually getting to leave this country for few days is just what I needed. It was fine, I moved on. Well, till @doomsdaychassis Brought up this post by @teamsteem to my attention. Turns out that the whole point of the random draw is for them to just go with and I'm quoting @andrarchy on this

We just thought it would be more fair to allow Steemians to pick the winners democratically. Didn't realize anyone would take issue with deferring to the will of the community.

Now this comment comes with a heavy heart as I had one interaction with Andrarchy and it ended with him recovering my account for me after I had lost my main key, recovered it, changed it, and lost both the new and old keys in the process so his effort is truly appreciate it. But the comment about democracy really irks me as an Iraqi I know a bullshit "democracy" political excuse when I see one. And for that I'd ask; shouldn't the "fair democratic" process include people who know THEY'RE FUCKING VOTING?!?!

Now you might say "They said they could change the terms and conditions". To which I'd say, yes, the TERMS AND CONDITIONS/ This is not what happened, what happened is they told us to wear our soccer uniform and get 11 players ready, then gave us bats to play baseball at a basketball field. They changed the game not the rules, a random draw and a vote aren't the same fucking thing! If I ask everyone "who wants food" and that I'll be getting the food from McDonald's. Changing terms and conditions would be me getting you a big mac when you wanted Angus Deluxe. And Democratically picked meal would have to include people knowing THEY'RE FUCKING VOTING.

The reason this is getting to me so much, is because it just does. Having a fair process just matters more to some, when I live months of my life just taking shit after shit after shit It just matters that I get a fair footing in a fucking "randomly picked winner" contest. I ACTIVELY told my friends @doomsdaychassis, @belemo, @holybranches, @dj123, @moh, @profanereviews, and many MANY more NOT to nominate me because I trusted that it's a randomly drawn winner, I had many people from @comedyopenmic looking to rally behind me along with others we have open connections that could have done the same such @traf / @trafalgar, even @Berniesanders, I could have even gotten @nedshair itself nominate me. But you had me actively working against myself. I can count 45 nominations AT LEAST that I'd have had just guaranteed.

Honestly during my walk I talking/yelling to myself just to translate my feelings into English and somehow process them, I found myself crying a little . Call it weakness, call it what you may, I'm not a person that takes crying lightly, and it takes A LOT, and you can ask anyone about this, to get me out of that cheerful and comical mood that I'm usually in and make everyone is having. But @steemitblog @andrarchy and @ned, you honestly broke me.

I really hope this gets to you somehow, maybe @roelandp could show it or anyone really. Also know that this is not just how I feel, but everyone who missed out because of this cowardliness bullshit, including people who weren't even planning on going or entering. And including some the winners themselves they all see the conniving, weak, pathetic, unfair way you treated EVERYONE, thank you, and congrats-the-FUCK-YOU-lations