NaNoWriMo Update: The Emotional Toll of Writing

I've talked before about writing and how it can be healing or cathartic. This story that I'm writing is hard. It is really emotionally draining at times and it seems like when I'm done pouring out the 6-7,000 words over the course of some hours, that I'm just done. With everything. I have no energy to communicate other things, to write or even discuss other things. All of my brain power goes to channeling the story as it develops. It is the story told from the perspective of a kidnap victim and everything she goes through during her first year locked in a madman's basement.

Yesterday I got up early and started writing, because I simply couldn't stay in bed any longer (I am not a morning person!) The story was just percolating and nagging me to get up and write, so I did. I sat directly down with my laptop and wrote. I hit 3,000 words before I knew it, then 4,000... then 5,000. My son came over for lunch and we talked for a while, but as soon as he left, I got back to it. I hit 7,000 words and I guess that is my limit in a day. With this story, anyway.

Yesterday was really raw and emotional. I had to deal with one of my characters getting truly and completely broken on a soul level. It was a really hard thing to write, because I really try to get into the mind of the people I'm writing about.

When I was done, I felt so raw. I don't even know how to explain it.

THEN I had to go to the medical clinic to try and get my prescription refilled. We don't have insurance, so I was at a free clinic. I get a bit of anxiety when I have to go places, drive in traffic, etc. and I definitely get anxiety when I have to see a doctor (or a dentist), so this was not terribly pleasant.

The place was crowded, noisy and smelly. There were kids watching show on their parent's phones WAY too loud. There were people that smelled like they had soaked in perfumes for a week. There was the smell of rotting food combined with the perfumes that made me start breathing really shallow breaths to avoid the smell. My stomach was churning with anxiety and I STILL felt so very emotionally raw from writing the story. By the time the nurse called me back, I had been sitting there for almost two hours.

I understand this is just what it's like at the free clinic and I'm very thankful that I have the option to go there, but it was just a bad combination for me last night. When the nurse asked me what I was there for, I started having a bit of an anxiety attack and crying and just freaking out a bit. She said, "Okay then, you're here about panic attacks?"

I said, "No, actually, I'm here to get my thyroid meds refilled, actually. I had run out back in June, but couldn't get a refill because the other Dr wanted me to do the test first (which is $500 that I don't have) so I just thought I'd go without them and it would be fine.

Long story short, it's not fine. I need the medication and THANKFULLY now I'm back on them and life should start getting back to healthy-levels of normal soon.

Now, it's time for me to go do my daily writing. I am hoping to get at least 2,000 words in today, but I'm not sure what will happen, since it's late. I was gone all day doing good things though!

• I voted this morning in our midterm elections
• I got my Rx filled (and remembered to take my dose this morning)
• I called and hopefully worked out a long standing insurance issue
• I took Abyni to and from school
• I had lunch with my two oldest kids and got caught up with them.
• I stopped by Goodwill and bought a cheap glass dispenser for my kombucha brewing.
• I came home, watched an episode of Supernatural with Abyni before she had to leave for work.

And here is my NaNo Update: My ACTUAL goal is to hit 90,000 words this month and tell a complete story from beginning to end in that time. I'm actually sticking to the loose 'plan' and hit the point in the plot right about where I had planned! That's something fairly new to me. I have never planned a story out, even in this vague, loose way. I like how it's going thus far.

Other Fiction

A serial: Where things on the Island "Paradise" aren't quite what they seem. A man and a woman wake up separately, seemingly alone on a deserted island with no memory of how they came to be there, no memory of their pasts, but drawn to each other... even though they can't remember why. Once they find each other, then it's time to solve the mystery of who they are.

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Creepy Short Story:

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Creepy Short Story:

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A fun series: Letters from a Boat Cat!


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