Are you scared you are going to strangle your teenager?? Here are some tips... (not on strangling, on coping HAHAHA)

in #steemiteducation5 years ago (edited)

Now, at 26,  I can look back on my teenage years and my mom and I can laugh about it, but there were surely a few times when I think my mom could have strangled me.  

The eye rolling, the talking back, the ignoring them (until I needed something again) and the shouting and screaming.    

                              

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I guess this is all part of growing up and finding yourself and thinking your parents are sooooooo clueless (just to obviously realize later on If I only listened to them in the first place.)

I grew up in a house where my voice was always heard  - I got reprimanded a lot of times about the tone of my voice but I had the luxury and right to say how I felt about something and my parents would listen, mom would flip out now and then hahahaha.  

But I have understanding, loving, supporting parents and while my friends were lying to their parents, I never had to.  I could be honest and then they would assess the situation and make a decision....not always the one I wanted, but always the one that they thought were best for me.

You are a teenager, your parents are irritating you and you feel it is your right to do whatever you want.  You are old enough to look after yourself and make your own decisions.  

Suprize suprize, you are not as clever as you think and life does not work that way where we can just do as we please.  Our parents are trying to do the best for us the way they know how and we are not always making it easier.

If you are a parent with a teenager reading this, you are more than familiar with the tantrums and the back chats and the looks.  

Sometimes you must feel very helpless with a rebellious teenager, or even just a teenager with an attitude,  but there are certain things that you as a parent can do when the back chatting starts.

Be a respectful parent - keep your cool but stand your man

          

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This is extremely difficult, especially if your child is behaving like a brat.  Try and remember that you are the adult and they are not.  

If you stay calm and show respect in the way you talk to your children and husband/wife, they will see that in giving respect, you can also get respect.

Do not just spend the day yelling commands from another room, go to your child's room and make eye contact and speak to them in a way that they will know you have respect for them.

Do not expect your teenager to jump up and hug you or say something like O yes my dearest mom, I will do exactly what you say, but getting a Yes mom or nod of the head is better than having a shouting match.

You do not have to put up with your child's talking back or being disrespectful.  Something must be done about it, but how you are going to react is going to determine a lot about what the outcome or the rest of the discussion is going to be like. - is it ending in shouting and screaming and no point is reached or do you stand your man and make the rules very clear but in a decent manner. (Teenagers tend to get over their I am so sick of this episodes eventually hahaha)

Ask your teen to give you a solution if they keep on being disrespectful

You have now spoken about the same thing a 100 times and the problem keeps on pitching up.  Ask your teenager how does he/she think you can come to a solution.  

Also give your child the opportunity to explain to you why they feel a certain way about something, or why they act in a certain way if you say or ask something or why they feel they must be allowed to do certain things.  

Give them the chance to be honest with you and with themselves and they will most probably come to the conclusion that certain things are unacceptable.

It will maybe take a while for your teenager to open up, but they will if they feel that you are also making an effort to hear what they have to say.

Try and come up with a mutual agreement between you, but also a punishment in place if the agreement is broken. (from your side or your teenager's)

A great place to have this discussion with your teenager is in the car while driving - they have to stay in the car and have to listen, but they also have the feeling of eventually the car will stop and I can get away from this, so they do not feel trapped.

Every action has a reaction

       

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It is very important that you make it clear what certain consequences for some actions will be, but there is no use in just repeating it and saying If you do it again you are going to be in trouble, but you do not do anything about it.

Teenagers will push their limits because they are trying to find their place in this world and figure out who they are, but it is your responsibility as a parent to still make sure there are boundaries that are being kept.

If your child know there are certain rules and they do not obey it, they will have to face what is coming to them.  Warn them in advance and most importantly carry through with it - do not just threaten them.

See the positive things your teenager does

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Make an effort to see the things that your child does right (no matter how few they are) - do not just focus on the negative.  If your child speaks in a polite manner to your or did their chores without being nagged, praise your child and make sure that they know you appreciate it.

Nobody likes to be ignored, especially not teenagers, so if they have put in effort to make you happy acknowledge it.  Even though they will never admit it, teenagers still need their parents and being accepted and praised by them is very important.

                 

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Parenting is a thankless job, and I am sure a lot of tears are shed and a lot of smiles and hugs given, and even if you do not understand how you can have so much love for another human being that seems to only care about themselves, be assured that your teenager needs you more than you think, for guidance and love and they rely on the fact that no matter how many times they back chat you, you will still be their safe place.....

                              

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