Dealing with death
One thing that is certain about life is that it is uncertain, You never know what tomorrow will bring and when you have to say goodbye to someone because of death.
Dealing with the death of someone close to you can be very traumatic and you need to understand that there is a certain time and way in which you will grieve. This differ from person to person. Some people feel they can move on with their life quickly and others take a long time to get over their grief.
You have to work through certain feelings and take all the time you need. To grief is a natural process and there is no use in acting as if everything is OK when you are in pain. You may admit to others how you feel, even if you think they will not understand.
Maybe you will know yourself well enough to know what is the best way to handle your grieve, or you will feel totally confused and lost and will even start doing wrong/negative things to get away from your constant feeling of pain. Replacing heart sore with negative actions like drinking too much, will only help for a while and then you will have to face reality again, so the best way is to try and deal with your grieve naturally.
In order to deal with your grieve, you can try the following:
It is a good idea, even if you do not feel like it to go to the memorial service or the funeral. You will be surrounded by people who also loved the same person you have lost and it can also help you to talk about them or remember the good times. This will also bring you some closure and help you say goodbye and realize that you have to move on without that person in your life.
We all want to be strong for the people around us, but you also need to look after yourself and express your emotions. If that means you want to lock yourself in your room for a day and cry, do that. If you want to take long walks or drives, do that. Do whatever you need to deal with your emotions, as long as it is something that is not harming you in any way.
Most of the time you will be surrounded by people who understand how you feel and you can feel free to talk to them. Be honest about how you feel and if you do not want to talk about it, tell the people around you. You have to do what makes you comfortable. Sometimes talking about it helps a lot and sometimes we need to be alone and deal with our own feelings.
Think about a way that this person will be remembered. Sometimes we just have a lot of memories in our heart and head, but some people wants something tangible to remember that person by. If he/she loved gardening a lot, you can maybe plant a special tree for them. You can make a scrapbook with photos and memories or if you prefer you can write a story about them and show it to other people. You can even make a memory box in which you can put some keepsakes that you can have a look at or touch whenever you want to remember them. This will differ from person to person and how you choose to remember. There is no right or wrong way.
If you are really struggling to handle what has happened, you can always go and see a professional or join a group with people who is experiencing the same as what you do. That way if you talk about your feeling you know that they will understand what you are going through.
