Help for teenagers - Dealing with divorce
The chances that you are one of the statistics of children coming from a house where parents are divorced are very good.
Maybe you are in the middle of it happening now or it has happened a long time ago, but no matter when it happened it will have an effect on you. Luckily there are ways to get through it.
Almost 50% of marriages end in divorce and it can be very difficult to deal with or you can be one of the lucky ones who's parents still get along even if they do not still live in the same house.
It may seem like you will never adapt to the changes taking place, but it is more than possible to cope and accept your new life and the adaptions you and your parents will have to get use to.
Why do my parents want to get divorced?
There can be many reasons why adults get divorced. One of them can fall in love with somebody else or it can be because of alcoholism or abuse or irreconcilable differences.
It can even just be a decision both of them made together, because they just cannot see themselves living together any more.
Even if you feel guilty about the divorce and you wonder if there was something that you could have done or behaved better, it is very important to remember that a divorce is NOT your fault.
It is your parent's decision and is most probably for them even more difficult than you may think.
You may experience a lot of feelings during this time and it may vary from time to time - you will feel sad, angry, frustrated and confused.
You can even feel you have to protect your one parent and blame the other one. Feeling abandoned and afraid is also normal. In some instances, especially if there was a lot of fighting, you could feel relieved.
These feelings are all normal and it will help to talk to somebody you trust.
Is my life about to change?
Depending on what the reason for the divorce is and how the relationship between your parents are going to be after the divorce, will determine how much and in what way your life will change.
Maybe you will have to move or go to a different school or listen to your parents bad mouthing one another, but it can also work out that both your parents come to agreements easily and the main change is going to be that you will now have two houses.
If parents cannot agree on when you will spend time with which one of them, they will go to court to determine custody. This means the court will decide when which parent sees you or if the one is not allowed to see you (this sometimes happens if your situation was bad due to neglect, abuse or alcoholism)
Always keep in mind that the parent who is fighting for you is having your best interest at heart. If you are older, you also have a say in where you would like to live and when and if you want to see the other parent.
Money matters can change, especially if one of the parents did not work and are not being looked after by the other one any more. He/she will now have to go and find a job and this can create a lot of tension.
You have to understand that you will maybe not get as much as you were use to since you will now be living in a one income house, especially if the other parent is not paying anything towards your education or spending.
It is important that you get a good support system during and after the divorce. Somebody you can talk to and help you through the adaptions you have to make.
How can you and your parents make it easier to get through a divorce?
- Parents need to try and handle the divorce peacefully and come to agreements that is the best for you and themselves (this unfortunately does not always happen). You as the child can try and not make it more difficult for them by becoming to rebellious, even if you are going through lots of emotions. Remember it is also difficult for your parents.
- You must not feel guilty if you want to visit or stay with one of your parents. If you are struggling a lot with the changes taking place, go and see a family therapist or speak to an adult that you trust. It may feel weird at first to speak to somebody about this but always keep in mind that there are a lot of kids going through the same thing as you do.
- If your parents now live far apart from each other and you see the one less, make it a priority to stay in touch. A quick phone call or email will make both of you feel better.
- If your parents do not want to see one another and you would like them to attend certain things like matches or gatherings at school, find a solution like making turns to come. Telling them how you feel and you would like both of them there and they do not have to speak to one another, will maybe motivate them to come to an agreement and still make sure they support you.
- Try and live your life as normally as possible. Even thought a lot of changes are taking place around you, make sure that you do not give up on your dreams or feel so sorry for yourself that you miss out on what you want. No matter what you are doing, your parents are not going to change their minds to get divorced, so you can just as well go on with living your own life.
Bring on the positive vibes
Do not sit in your room the whole day just thinking about the negative side of what is happening. Try and be positive and making the best of a bad situation.
There will be good days and there will be bad days, but you must believe that you are more than capable to cope with it and come out of the situation in one piece.
If you have younger siblings you will learn to help them and look after them and guide them to be able to handle what is going on. You will be needed and in order to be of help to them you will have to stay positive.
You can become a stronger human being and it will help you in future if bad things crosses your road. You will be able to handle a lot of things better.
Try and get your parents to communicate and leave the animosity behind them and understand that the better they get along, the better all the kids will be able to handle it.
Try and stay positive and let others help you through it and understand that it is not your fault and can sometimes be for the best.
Read more about how divorce can change your life for the better on http://www.huffingtonpost.com/good-men-project/divorce-can-change-your-life-for-the-better_b_6964400.html
Getting through a divorce is never easy, but it is not impossible and you can get through it without derailing your life.
