How can I help my young child make friends?
Nobody is made to be alone and having friends to share things with is always something to be grateful for.
Some people, no matter how old they are will always have difficulty making friends.
It can be daunting for a child who is starting Primary School to make new friends. Some children are very shy and making friends do not come easily.
It is important for children to have friends so that they can learn social interaction and feel part of a group.
Having a shy child can sometimes make you worried that he/she will become a loner and end up feeling like an outcast for not having any friends, but you as a parent can help with this in a subtle way without taking over.
You cannot just pick out a child and tell your child to play with them. They need to have certain things in common so it is not necessarily something that will happen over night.
Organize small play dates
Your child is shy, so bombarding them with a whole group of children is most probably going to do more damage and he/she will still end up alone in the corner.
Ask your child who they would like to spend time with and invite one or two children over to your house.
They do not have to stay the whole day
Keeping in mind that the kids are still getting to know each other, and you are not even sure if they will get along, keep the play date short.
One or two hours is enough and if the kids feel they want to see one another again they can do that. If the play date is not going well, at least it will be over in a short while.
Do some planning with your child beforehand
Ask your child what they think will be good activities to do when their new friends come and visit. Help your child to plan and have a few games ready, so that the children will be occupied and not get bored.
Let your child pick the activities but give them some guidance and also explain that to make a friend you need to be a good friend, which means he/she will not only have to share, but also not only do what they want, but also find out what their friend likes to do.
Get involved, but do not take over
You do not have to leave the kids to play by themselves the whole time, especially if it is a new friend whom your child do not know so well, but this does not mean that you are going to be in charge the whole time and decide what they have to do and when they have to do it.
If you see they are arguing over something or are bored, you can step in and make suggestions.
If you are doing crafts or cooking projects, you can oversee it, but if you see that you are making your child more self-conscious then you need to back away.
You just need to make everybody feel comfortable, you are not there to take over the place of your child.
Talk to the teacher
Your child's teacher spend a lot of time with them and she will know with who your child interacts most. She will also be able to tell you if your child does have any friends.
Also make sure that the teacher knows that your child is shy and can maybe keep an eye out for him/her to see that they do make friends and are not being bullied.
Be patient and do not expect too much
Do not expect your child to turn into a social butterfly over night. Some children are more than happy to have one good friend. It does not mean that because you have a lot of friends, they must also.
Appreciate the fact that your child are willing to try and make at least one friend and talk to your child about the importance of being a good friend.
If your child feels pressured into making friends, they will most probably withdraw totally. Even though it is a good thing to have friends, some people prefer to spend time on their own. Respect your child's feelings.
For younger children it is normal to be shy and withdrawn, but if you experience situations where your child refuses to interact with others or throws tantrums around other kids or seem very agitated, it can be a good idea to get some professional help.
You can find some extra tips on the following blog https://www.todaysparent.com/kids/how-to-help-your-kids-make-friends/
