How to survive your teenager
You have survived your child's baby years and dealing with a crying 2 year old and stubborn 3 year old.
You cried on the first day then went to school because they are growing up so quickly, but you think to yourself This must be it now, I think they have gone through their different stages and tantrums.
Hold on honey....the ride is about to get rough!! The teenage years are coming.
Before you know it you have a child in your house that is self-centered, moody, happy, sad and all over the place. Even though you are trying to remember how you were as a teenager, you are pretty sure you did not have so many hangups and issues.
Being a parent to a teenager, you first need to understand that although their life experience has been short, they are trying to find their own place in this world, do not always think about consequences and are stressed out about things that you think of as trivial.
But the reality is for them it is major.
This is a time for them of great confusion and growth, not only to their changing bodies, but also to their minds and emotions. If you understand that and can respect it and try and help them through it without always just seeing the negative and difficult side of having a teenager, you will find it easier to cope.
If a child's body starts changing because of puberty, it is unavoidable for them to change towards things on the outside of their bodies as well, the way they feel and react, and a lot of kids find it difficult to deal with all of this.
Your child is going through puberty and are in their adolescence years . What is the difference between the two?
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This is the time were your child (that once could not get enough of you) starts breaking away from you and doing things on their own, are more worried about what their peers think of them and how they act in certain situations. The quicker you accept that this is something that are bound to happen and it is not because of you, the easier you are going to accept that your child is turning into an adolescent .
Some kids will ride the emotional roller coaster and they will bud heads with you on many occasions. They will try out new things and not always be very open to suggestions or advice.
Some kids will just cruise through their teenage years without a big commotion, but this will all depend on the child and his/her personality.
You as a parent will may have to step back a little and decide are you trying to hard to decide for your kid, or control how they must feel or maybe you are not always there if they need you,
If this is the situation you will have to make some changes. I am not saying just leave them be, but you will have to let go a little, because in order to find yourself and stand up for yourself you need to be able to experience different situations where you need to make up your own mind.
Teenagers are quite selfish and most of the time everything is about what they want and how they feel. You need to be there for your teenager when they feel they need you and you will have to grow a thick skin and not take it up personally that it is not every minute of the day.
Your teenager loves you a lot, but you are not their priority at the moment, but the thought that you will not leave them, makes them feel save and more at ease to discover themselves.
Even if they do not show it (since they are too busy trying to impress others) your support are still very important to them.
A few short tips on how to understand or help your kid in the teenage years are
- read different books on the changes that happens in teenagers and what thing are not cool anymore and most of all how not to embarrass them (this one is tricky because sometime even when you do nothing, you still embarrass them)
- make sure you check in every now and then just to find out how they are or coping - not all teenagers will be open to talk, but you as a parent will pick up on a negative vibe and with some love and nudging (not too obvious) they will eventually open up
- be there when they need you (even if you feel used that you are there only on their time and feelings)
- try and remember that you were also once a teenager and you also looked at life differently
- do not go around preaching and moaning the whole day (teenagers' ears get blocked by the sound of constant nagging) but pick a few times to casually talk about issues like drugs or sex or important topics that you would like to warn your teenager about
- stay up to date with certain trends and even though you will maybe not understand it, you will know about it and can respect what makes them "tick"
- be sure to notice any warning signs of an unhappy teenager - shouting now and then or slamming a door is just a sign of mood swings, but gaining a lot of weight and never leaving their room or smiling or having fun or joking about death can be danger signs.
Some parent are lucky and they just cruise through the teenage years and some parents can understand why wild animals eat their young (hahaha) but whatever your experience is of your teenager, remember your parents had to go through the same thing, so just hold on, you will survive it and both of you will look back on it and laugh at all the thing you had to go through.
Just remember the most important thing..... your teenager still needs love and boundaries - even if they kick and scream....
