I Feel Stupid & Defeated

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Today is one of those days when I just want to quit. Today more than ever, I just want to give up and go Steemit full time. Its that or running far away into the highlands and starting my very own coffee plantation. It's one of those days that I feel a mixture of being defeated and dumb (intellectually).

A Bit Of A Background

So, a little bit of a background, I have been working on an article to be published in a prestigious journal. After some drafting and even paying a service to help proofread my work, the results were less than stellar. My work was returned to me and I was asked to make a lot of major amendments.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing the amendments. To better describe how I feel at the moment, I feel defeated because after much work, I did not get the results I want. This has led me to feeling rather stressed out because a lot hangs in the balance. As part of my graduation requirement, I need to publish one paper in one of these prestigious journals. Doing so would qualify me for the next level, which is defending my work in front of a panel.

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To be really honest, I think part of feeling stupid stems from my past experience. You see, the paper that I am doing has always been my forte and I have been working on the subject for the last few years. Having someone else tell you that all that you know is wrong can be rather demoralizing.

So here I am, after being on Steemit for 9 months, I am writing my first depressing post. Its not to say that nothing bad has happened throughout the last few months, its just that I can't write anything else but this at the moment.

The Lessons Learnt

I am still in the midst of this experience, that being said, I have a choice. I could run to the corner of my house and give up and wallow in my defeat. Or, I could get off my butt and power through it. As much as I only have a week to edit four months worth of work, it is definitely better than admitting defeat. If I do fail, I fail, but at least I go down fighting.

So, with that in mind, I went swimming. I did a few laps to clear my mind and I learnt that I am feeling what I feel because I am stressed and a few good laps of swimming does help clear my mind. This has brought me to realize that as much as I have spent time on a field of study, it does not in any way make me an expert. Even if I do become an expert in my field, I still have much to learn and learning is always painful. It is funny to preach it to the students but when you are really in it, you may not act the same way as how you would preach it.

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The next few days is going to be painful and difficult. But that's what learning is all about, it can be painful, it takes time but if you persevere, victory tastes sweeter. I remember my Taekwondo instructor's words:

I could give you your black belt, but I want you to earn it, so you are going to fight my best student. You will bruise, you will bleed but then, your black belt will mean more than just a cloth.

Conclusion

I thank you for hearing me vent. I need some way of blowing off some Steem . Ahem, I mean, steam. I think it is always healthy to vent the frustration somewhere instead of just keeping it all pent up. As much as I could spend the night playing Halo 5, I think Steeming is much healthier.

Also, I know I mentioned that this was going to be a depressing post. Well, the lessons learnt part is meant for me. It is to remind me to persevere and to shift my focus. It can be very easy to just focus on the negative and the problems. However, I do think that it is all about perspective and turning to another perspective will always help me persevere. That being said, I do hope that this indirectly helps others who are in the midst of a similar situation as I am.

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