Good and Bad times.....

in #steemiteducation5 years ago (edited)

There are phases in which the safe, loving life of our children is easy: times when almost everything seems right, when we are "in the flow" with our children and everyday life. Times when we can smile and enjoy relaxed afternoons with a child on the sofa. And there are phases when all that does not exist. In which it is difficult in which our strength is consumed. Phases in which we ask ourselves: Will this ever be okay? And: Do I perhaps not do it all right? Sometimes, doubts doubt whether the path we have taken is really the right one, if it is perhaps not as relaxed as we thought. In these very times, we can think of a mantra and keep telling ourselves, "In good times and in bad times!"

Sometimes it's easy

Enough sleep, enough free time, enough support. A child with a temperament that is currently easy to accompany or a baby whose needs can be easily recognized and answered. It can be so easy sometimes. If the basic requirements are right, everyday life can be accompanied in a relaxed way and bond-oriented life is quite simple and easy to deal with.

- sometimes not

But sometimes it happens quite differently: times with little or often interrupted sleep, a lot of deadline pressure and little relaxed free time, little support and maybe even a child whose needs are difficult to recognize or can be answered in everyday life - that's one relaxed everyday life much more difficult. Responding in a bond-oriented manner and having sensitivity and showing that is much more difficult under stress. We just do not have the eyes and ears to be able to perceive the small signals sensitively in a trubeligen everyday life. Stress can then lead rather to a negative educational behavior: We react less emphatically, are annoyed, demand more from the child than can give and overlook the actual willingness to cooperate. As a result, the child (understandably) reacts with tension and has to show the needs and demands even more - a vicious cycle begins.

Exit from the negative spiral

In such phases, stopping only helps - even if that's especially difficult right now. Because in a stressful everyday life with too little time and too many tasks to deliberately slow down? That can not go well, we may be tempted to think at first. But a family is not a linear task that is so easy and logical to solve. A family is a system that has many complex contents. In order to break out of a negative cycle, we can not rely on children to persevere and wait. We have to take one more step towards her and lovingly take her and us by the hand.

To focus on attachment in good and bad times means that even in the stressful times, we can see what our true guiding light is for a relationship and have to focus on it again: stop for a moment, seek the star in the sky and then slowly go back together.

In everyday family life this means: Treat yourself to a break with your child, a , cancel appointments. It means deliberately not rushing home after kindergarten or school, but perhaps to see the way as a journey of discovery: Once others (perhaps detours) go and discover together what is on the way. Break old patterns at home for more relaxation: Dinner can be eaten as a picnic on the floor or it's over-the-counter cake. At home, deliberately putting the phone on the shelf first and not paying attention for a lazy afternoon. Bathing with small children, with larger children we can create well-being oases and massage and cuddle. Just skin contact can be a good helper in stressful phases, to settle down by the cuddly and binding hormone oxytocin, which relaxes and calms us all again. Deceleration is the magic word for these tense times.

Bad times are always in family life. Stressful times are normal, even if they are not pretty. The important thing is that we do not doubt them and our guidelines through them and we wait a moment to get back on the road. In good times as well as in bad, this is done by empathy, calm and feeling what we really need.

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