Meaningful penalties - is there such a thing at all?
Meaningful penalties - is there such a thing at all?
In previous generations, punishments - including physical ones - were usually still on the agenda. The authoritarian style of upbringing was the usual way to make children obey their parents and integrate themselves into society. Today, a "softer" style of education is usually favored, in which penalties are used less frequently.
Are there any meaningful penalties?
With regard to physical punishments, one can certainly answer here with a clear no. Even though it used to say: "A slap has not harmed anyone yet", every physical violence against the child is a sensitive injury to his person and can cause profound emotional damage. In addition, children who are beaten, usually even beating parents - a vicious circle. Mental punishments associated with the removal of love are never meaningful, they are almost always detrimental to the development of the child, and they also make him deeply sad and unhappy.
If punishments are to make sense, they must be understandable to the child. The child must realize that the punishment he has given is the result of his actions. If a dish that has not eaten has a TV ban for a week, there is no connection between "act" and punishment. If, however, the observed television time is not met and the child secretly looks longer, then a week television is appropriate for the occasion.
When can punishments be used effectively?
For a child to be meaningfully punished, there must first of all be clear rules. For only if the child knows what is allowed and what is not, can it judge when it violates a rule. Parents can then point to agreements and regulations and impose appropriate penalties or sanctions. For punishments to be pedagogically meaningful and effective, the following basic conditions must be fulfilled:
- The child must have deliberately violated a rule. Only then does a punishment make sense. Anyone who punishes his child for an oversight or because the child was ignorant, it is very disturbing the relationship of trust between parent and child.
- The penalty must be appropriate for the occasion. Small mistakes or rule violations do not justify draconian penalties.
- Check your emotional state before you impose a penalty. Punishments that arise on a whim are usually inappropriate and arbitrary.
- It usually makes sense to give a warning and give the child a chance to change his behavior. Even children make mistakes and need an opportunity to change their behavior voluntarily.
Even if you are angry with your child, stay as affectionate as possible and do not dispel punishments or consequences from a need for revenge. Keep in mind that it is a matter of preventing disturbing behavior, but also of supporting your child in growing up and in his personal development.
Do not forget to turn a blind eye!
Are you tired, exhausted or totally charged today? Just then parents should also turn a blind eye and overlook inappropriate behavior of the child. This does not have anything to do with inconsistency immediately. If you sense to yourself that you will not be strong enough to enforce your threatened consequences or are so angry that you may overreact, then it is better for the child to come through with his behavior than you do through inappropriate behavior To expose behavior in front of the child and thereby become untrustworthy.
In summary, punishments must be certain at times, but they should never be used as "revenge" for inappropriate behavior. Do not take your child's mistakes personally, but see them as milestones in child development. Learning from mistakes is one of the most effective learning methods available.
I´m looking forward to your experiences and additions.
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