Steemitzombies: Selfishness and Selflessness - The two are not at odds

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This was one of my Optimism at the End of the World posts, #10. It's something I really like talking about and the whole philosophy behind the Be Awesome chat room and a lot of things that I do. I would like to write more on this in the future
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Date: 9 months ago
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One big roadblock I run into when talking to many pessimists, or people who like to think of themselves as "realists", is this idea that humans are selfish "by nature". I don't use quotations to be derogatory, these are often highly intelligent people. Among them, selfishness is thought of as some aspect of "the human condition". "It's just how we are".

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Are humans truly selfish by nature?

The idea goes something like this. "Humans, as well as other animals, act primarily out of self interest. This is inevitable, as it serves as a primary survival mechanism, not only for the individual, but for the entire species". Ok, fair enough. In harsh environments this does seem to be how people act, And we could forgive them for acting this way. But there is something essential that is missing from this equation.

By assuming that competition or a lack of resources are a given, we severely limit our understanding of human nature.

We assume that competition is also a fundamental part of our human nature, but we only know what human nature looks like in a limited range of cultural situations. We have a handful of cultures right now and a handful from the past that we can use to understand human nature. The examples from the present are linked to the past, and most examples from the past that we are familiar with are ripe with war, slavery, oppression, tyranny, and ruthlessness, at times veiling itself in the interest of the current historical narrative. There are many positive examples of human nature from the past that go overlooked or receive unfair treatment in our records in an attempt to glorify the idea of "progress", so central to our understanding of the world.

But there indigenous tribes who understood the importance of harmony with nature far better than our modern societies do. There were those who had a deep understanding of our inter-connectivity, the rhythms of nature, and the threads that tie it all together. We are disconnected from nature, disconnected from the realities of life, and oblivious to how deeply we are all connected, and yet we still claim to know much about "human nature".

Whether or not we have what we need to survive and thrive, we are made to feel that we don't have enough and this locks us in a state where human nature is selfish.

Human nature through the lens of abundance

When we change our framing and our perspective of lack to one of abundance, our entire understanding of human nature changes. We begin to see how inevitably linked we all are and our sense of self expands to include others as well. Our selfishness becomes selflessness. We are both and neither.

To express it another way, We naturally act in the interest of others when it doesn't conflict without our own interests. The only reason so many of us act selfishly is because we carry the false assumption that our personal interests are at odds with the interests of others.

When we build trusting relationship with other individuals and communities, we can begin to find harmony between our own our interests and the interests of others. Ideas of selfishness and selflessness become moot points when we understand that we are all one. This in no way conflicts with the idea of individuality. We are able to express ourselves as individuals in harmony with the collective. Everyone wins.

How do we break free from the past.

The first step is to realize that our ideas about human nature are influenced by our history. There is no need to condem it, it has taught us a great many things and has provided us with technology to build a much brighter future. But we also need to advance spiritually to catch up with our technology. We need to find faith in humanity.

The second thing to remember is that there is no need to feel guilty about your own wellbeing and abundance. Of course HOW you go about finding it is something you should think about but you will be most able to help others when your own needs are met, whatever those needs may be. Don't feel guilty about making money, as long as you feel ok about how you made it. Don't feel bad about receiving help and kindness from others, as long as you are greatful. This is trickier than it sounds and perhaps requires a change in beliefs. There is a such thing as a free ride. Money is not the root of all evil (although our collective relationship with it is unhealthy). Hard work may be a virtue to some but it's not the only virtue, it's not the only way to provide value for others.

The most important thing is building trust. If we build trust with others and create pockets of trust in our neighborhoods,we begin to get a glimpse of our true potential. We can begin to let our guards down and imagining all the possibilities. Then through trial and error we can come up with solutions to all of our problems.

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Personally, for most of my life, if I'm asked if I can do something for someone I find it hard to say no. I mean, what reason would I have not to help. When I was a child, my mum would always ask me over my two brothers because she knew I wouldn't kick up a fuss about helping, I'd just do it.

Over the years since meeting my wife, she has often got annoyed with me for helping others too much. Now that might sound odd but I can see what she's saying.

Some people will keep asking me to do things most of which they are more than capable of doing for themselves. They 'take the piss' if you like. Then to top it all off, if I ask for assistance with something, they have an excuse for why they can't help.

To be honest it pisses me off! How hard is it to do a favour, lend a hand?

Now I'm afraid, It has to be a two way street! If people want my help, then I expect their help in return. Not straight away, but if and when I need it at some point in the future, I expect them to return the favour!

I believe that that is the fair way to be. If it's always going to be me doing the giving and never getting help in return.... Then Sorry but fuck you!

I know that that is not exactly selflessness but I do need to draw a line somewhere. I never use to feel this way, I honestly still find it hard to say no. But I can't spend my life being run ragged for sole benefit of the takers.

Hahaha the tone of your reply was flipped upside down with the “sorry but fuck you”. I like it though. You need a little bit of that.

Self love requires you to not do anything you will knowingly regret doing or hold a grudge about, even if the favor is not returned. I love to help others but if it’s something I don’t want to do and don’t feel someone really absolutely needs me for, I don’t do it. And I’m nice about it.

Yesterday I some tourist came up to me and asked if he could use my mini guitar to take a picture. The old me would have awkwardly said ok but resented him inside because there are too many tourists and nothing really to see, they’ve all been tricked by the guide books and I don’t trust them people with my guitar which is very important to me. But I’ve been working on this recently. So I just said “no” and smiledand he walked away. It felt so good!

I still go out of my way to help people! But not if it’s not coming from a pure desire to help.

Another great initiative! I have to submit @kittyandcheese's story for this one too!

Steemitzombies is only self submission. Deadpost you can submit anyone’s stuff

Oh hey @whatamidoing. While I remember. I thought of you earlier when I was at our local store - not in a weird way! - I spotted these napkins and had to giggle...

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Does that mean you're famous? Lol

Hahah I do seem to be getting famous.

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