SCHOOL FOR PARENTS: What if mom and dad have different views on parenting

in #steempress5 years ago (edited)

What if in the family mom and dad have different views on raising a child?


What happens if opinions about the education of ordinary children diverge from ex-spouses?



Source
For a harmonious development, the child needs to feel part of a strong and friendly family, where there is someone to ask for help, where they will always be helped.

It is important that parents are natural and sincere in their behavior in the circle of loved ones: family or friends. And it is no less important that the child from the same childhood feel unity and love in the family and, in addition, not observe the scenes of disagreement between parents. Because everything he sees around him lays the foundations for the future personality, especially in those years when a child's critical thinking is being formed (4-9 years).

But what to do if mothers and fathers have fundamentally different views about education?


- Different views on family education.

Parents for a baby from birth should be seen as a team, where everyone contributes to the family, each one fulfills its function, each one is important and everyone needs to listen.

Dad always has the answer to any question more incredible or uncomfortable: why is the blue sky, why the plane flies ... And dad will give a simple and clear answer.

Well, most of the time the mother does not even need to ask about something:

  • she feels when a child is worried about something.
    • You can talk to her when mental anxieties torment you.
      • Mom can calm any pain with the sweetest words.
      After all, it is she, not the father, is the spiritual center of the family.

      It is important for the child to see how the parents respect each other. That they are one




      Source
      They not only love each other as a man and as a woman, but they are loyal friends, ready to help in difficult times, to support.

      Therefore, it is important not only to help the child solve his problems, but also to show how the mother helps the father to solve his problems and how the father helps her (not only at home, but, for example, the help to resolve your conflict at work).

      Then, the child will respect the members of his family, his friends and, in the future, his soul mate.

      Unfortunately, but now in our families there is often a separation of parents into "bad and good cops", where the father is usually "good": he can secretly drink soft drinks and eat chips, or older children allow him to drive a car . If the mother knows this secret, she will worry and scold. In a certain part they are taught to lie.

      Due to this family model, children have a stereotype that the mother, and therefore all the girls, can be deceived and hide their "masculine" issues.
      Because of this model, the child begins to divide parents into loved ones and unloved ones.

      Mom does not stop walking at night, and Dad winks and gives him money for an ice cream. Or vice versa.

      But the task of competent parents is to show the child that all decisions in the family, even with regard to the night walk, are taken together. What if the parents themselves can not agree on a decision? If mom thinks that her 14-year-old daughter can not go out for a walk at night with a classmate, and Dad thinks you can?

      There is a solution: talk and reach a compromise.




      Source
      Each side should explain their position calmly and without emotion. And at the same time remember that the child can hear all this. If a child sees his parents fight, he involuntarily takes everything on his own: "They fight because of me, which means that I bring harm to the family, I am bad, I bring something negative".

      If it is impossible to reach a compromise even through a quiet conversation, then you can resort to the help of the child himself. With the help of simple questions, you can do it so that the child himself reaches the necessary conclusion.

      For example:


      • Maria, why should you and your dad leave you, take a walk with Sergio?
      • Because I want.
      • Because you want?
      • Because I like and I'm interested.
      • What do you think, why then does not mom want to let you go? She understands you very well, because she was your age.
      • Because I'm worried.
      • Why is she worried?
      "Because it's dark, and she does not know this guy."
      • Do you want mom to worry?
      • do not
      "What can you do so she does not worry about you?"
      • I can tell you about Sergio, she will understand that he is kind and good, and I can give her his phone number.
      And if the father cares (or the mother does not worry), he can call Sergio and take the man's promise to take Maria to the house at exactly the agreed time.
      In any conflict between parents, only one thing is important: the well-being and happiness of the child and the whole family.

      Even if parents have different points of view about different situations, then the goal is common: to create a harmonious personality. And you can only achieve the goal by working as a team.

      But what to do if the parents can not talk to each other and discuss everything with the child, and in general they are already divorced?

      When parents are divorced.

      In a child who first listens to a mom thing, and then calls her dad and listens: "Do not listen to mom, do what I tell you," and then to mom: "Why did not you listen to me? I gave it ", a certain dissonance arises. Misunderstood. Who is right, who is wrong? Who to listen to? Who is good, who is bad? What do they want from me? That I have to do?

      Then it becomes insulting to the father and shames the child.


      Source

      But such situations are more related to older children who already know how to think critically for themselves. If the child is small, then the problems of parenting are more acute. Dad believes that the six-year-old daughter can be handed over to the karate section, her mother believes she has a direct path to the ballet.

      But still, the decision usually remains on the side of the father with whom the child lives. Usually, this is mom. But if the father is deeply involved in the educational process or insists on something specific, then the solution to the conflict is a joint conversation and, as a next step, a conversation with the child.

      Basically, if the parents do not talk to each other, they should both speak separately with the child and try to direct it independently to the correct choice.

      The most important thing for each parent in such a situation is to clearly understand that, apart from their position, there may be an independent opposite.
      And be able to act competently in such a situation. That is, divorced parents should not interfere with each other to bring their values to the child, but at the same time they should not be too intrusive. If parents have the opportunity to talk about raising an ordinary child, then this is great; if not, it is important to accept the fact that your contribution to a child's development should not destroy everything the other parent invests.

      Unfortunately, not all parents understand that even if they are divorced, they remain a single team, which has a common task: to educate a good, intelligent, kind and decent person.

      Reference:


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      Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://deisip67.vornix.blog/2018/11/05/school-for-parents-what-if-mom-and-dad-have-different-views-on-parenting/

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