A Chicken's Perspective on Living in a Gated Community

Hi, it's Strawbum here. I'm a 4 month old Plymouth Rock chicken, and I think I'm pretty cute. What do you think? Check out my feathers.

I've not done much all day except scratch around for bugs, lay an egg and fertilse the garden, so I thought I'd walk you through our gated community of four chickens, plus two humans. I'm a little scared of the humans to be honest - they're noisy and I swear to God they're going to chop my head off. Yeah, yeah, I know - they feed me and put a roof over my head and they've never chopped my head off before, but you never know, do you?

There's only one human around at the moment and she seems determined to build the last gate and fence to complete our runs. Hence, gated community (I live with 3 others chickens, and apparently there's more to come). I can't work it out really - one minute I know where the boundaries are and where the exits are, and the next thing it's changed again. Lucky it only takes me five minutes to get used to anything. As long as she gives me a handful of oats or pepitas I'm happy. RoadRunner's a bit freaked out though - that girl is SO crazy - she just totally scitzoids and runs up and under and over things any time the human comes near us. Look, we're all a bit skittish, but RoadRunner takes it to a whole new level.

(@riverflows interjects at this point to mention that Strawbum might be a TEENCY bit jealous of Roadrunners feathers?)

I'll choose to ignore that. Roadrunner may be pretty, but she's crazy.

(Roadrunner interjects: What's a chicken's favourite bread? BAG-UETTTTTTE!)

Moving right along. Apparently Human wants us to work for our keep. This means we have to weed, basically, and shit everywhere. THAT we can do. However, she wants us where she wants us, and is trying to compartmentalize the garden so she can block off sections that she DOESN'T want us in. In defiance, I try to let her know that despite the popular belief that says otherwise, chickens can fly. Over fences.

(Interjection by @riverflows: Not with your wings clipped, you can't. Plus, if I make you super happy where you ARE, why would you want to jump the fence? Huh?)

So this is what she did today, pinching a gate from the front garden that she doesn't think Human 2 will notice. Besides, she can easily talk him into making another gate, and he'll be SO impressed with her building skills he won't even mind. So she says. Note the apple crate that's her makeshift garden shed. That needs a door as well. No suprise she's nearly out of scrap wood. This is the rear end of the gated area, and on the left is the back of the chicken coop, under the elder trees. It's nice and cool under there and we feel safe.

So when we're allowed out of the coop, we can mozy on up the path and either enter the left gate or the right gate, depending on where she wants us. We can't go into the wicking bed area, because she's made a makeshift fence out of pallets. I love the way she thinks she's made it look half decent with a plaque of Ganesh, a lantern and some fairy lights. Like that's gonna make any improvement on wonky pallets.

(Interjection from @riverflows: Says the chicken called Strawbum, who is called so because she had straw stuck to the shit on her bum)

I'm going to choose to ignore that. Besides, I never saw it, so who's to say it ever existed? And, as I was saying - fairy lights are on at night, when you can't see the pallets anyway, but whatever floats your boat, Human. All I need is a bed of straw and I'm happy - who needs garden design?

(Interjection from @riverflows: Oh yeah right. All you need. Plus protection from foxes. And worming. And fresh water. And grain. And treats. And a dry roof over your head in winter. And shade in summer. And me to collect your eggs. And so on. Plus, can you stop shitting on the path? Also, the devil's in the detail. I like a few decorations around, alright? Appeals to my Libran desire for harmony and beauty. Plus, I have one word for you: Ax.)

I do have to add one last thing though, which was freakin' hilarious. So she sits down with a wine right, and her camera, having shut all the gates to the larger garden. As scared of her as we are, us Plymouth Rocks came over to see if she had any treats.

Roadrunner though? Oh my god. Roadrunner flips her lid - squawks, runs across the garden, leaps over a pot, ducks around the elder tree, trips over a stick, accidentally jumps up on the bath wicking bed and bounces over the fence into the compost heap, and runs into the larger garden, squawking: 'She's got an ax! Fuck the gates!'.

Lucky Human saw the funny side.

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Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://www.riverflowings.com/?p=278

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