THE ARGUMENT - A Short Comedy Sketch About BOOBS - For SteemStar After Dark, tonight 8-10 EST
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Alright. As if you were asking for it, I have written a boob sketch.
What did one boob say to the other boob?
If you haven't checked out SteemStar After Dark yet, join us tonight, cause we're doing it again! We've got five or six brand new sketches to play around with. I've written four this week, plus a new hilarious infomercial from @simgirl!
@CarrieAllen is your hostess with the Mostest, and I'll be your co-host!
Tonight, from 8-10 EST... and here are the links to the SteemStar stream!
Discord
Youtube
Steemstar.net
Twitch
And now... On to my sketch about boobs!
THE ARGUMENT
By Chris Roberts
CHARACTERS
LEFTY - The One on the Left
RIGHTY - The One on the Right
LEFTY
Wake up. Dude, wake up!
RIGHTY
Wha- what? I’m up! I’m up I’m up.
LEFTY
The alarm clock’s going off, she’s about to go vertical.
RIGHTY
Right, if I’m still asleep when she goes vertical I get all sorts of woozy.
LEFTY
I know, we’ve been living together for years. Here it comes! 3-2-1…
SOUND FX - WOOSH, BOING OR SOMETHING
RIGHTY
Whoa! That’ll wake your ass up in the morning! You never get used to it do you?
LEFTY
Speak for yourself. What to you think she’s gonna wear today?
RIGHTY
She laid it out over there. The purple top with the shoulder things. You know. The one that I look way better in than you?
LEFTY
Hold up. Better than me? Are you kidding?
RIGHTY
Not at all. There’s angles, color, lighting. Tons of factors go into which one of us looks better in any given situation. I’m just saying I look better in the purple top with the shoulders. Gonna be a good day.
LEFTY
That’s just not the point.
RIGHTY
C’mon grumpy. I’m sure later this week she’ll wear that yellow thing that you love so much. It just sits across you a little bit better than it does me.
LEFTY
I appreciate you saying so, but everyone knows I’m the more handsome of the pair.
RIGHTY
Ouch. Everybody knows… what makes you say that?
LEFTY
Well, remember that man that was always giving us the business last fall? He paid so much more attention to me…
RIGHTY
Is that the way you remember it? That guy had no moves at all.
LEFTY
And that tiny person that lived with us for a few years. Remember?
RIGHTY
Yeah, the little person that got gradually bigger.
LEFTY
Right. Well I swear to God that the little guy sucked WAY more milk outta me than he did outta you!
RIGHTY
You may be right about that actually. I mean, that milk sure did make you… ample.
LEFTY
Are you calling me fat?
RIGHTY
I wasn’t, but now that you mention it… You never really did let go of that extra milk weight.
LEFTY
Unbelievable.
RIGHTY
What about you? You always like to pop out at social events? Just what the hell is up with that?
LEFTY
It’s not my fault she gets roudier on the left side than the right when she’s been drinking!
RIGHTY
I’m just saying… Keep it in your pants. So to speak.
LEFTY
Ridiculous! I have absolutely no control over when I pop out of a blouse, dress or tank top and you know it!
RIGHTY
Yep, we’re mostly at the mercy of gravity. Does make some pretty good evidence in the case of R. vs. U. Fat.
LEFTY
You’re a jerk.
RIGHTY
I’m not the one who started with the outrageous claim more handsome boob. More massive, maybe, but not necessarily handsome.
LEFTY
Just because something’s bigger, it doesn’t mean it’s better… but in our case, it does.
RIGHTY
Nonsense. There are plenty of advantages to being a boob, no matter your size.
LEFTY
I guess that’s true.
RIGHTY
So you can be a fatass if you want to!
LEFTY
Wait. That’s not what I--
RIGHTY
You can be a civil rights pioneer for awkwardly fat boobs everywhere!
LEFTY
You’re exaggerating. I’m barely bigger.
RIGHTY
Aha! You admit it!
LEFTY
But you just said it doesn’t matter!
RIGHTY
It totally doesn’t.
LEFTY
You’re right. Everybody loves us.
RIGHTY
They sure do. And they always will…
LEFTY
Especially men.
BOTH LAUGH
Alright! She’s finally out of bed. You know what that means?
RIGHTY
Sure do! My favorite part of the day. Shower time! Time to get slippery!
LEFTY
I’m glad we settled the argument. We’re both the best.
RIGHTY
Let’s never fight again.
THE END
I hope you liked it!
Hi @chrisroberts,
Your post was submitted to the #comedyopenmic #curation-league by @mineopoly. Out of all posts submitted today, it was decided that yours is funniest and have given you a 100% upvote. Keep the laughs going!
Thank you to @matytan for the great banner
What?! That's awesome! Thanks @mineopoly! We are still planning another skit (to fully produce) and enter. :)
I will check your skit out. Sounds fun. If you use the tag #comedyopenmic and add in the title (comedy open mic 17) on your next skit post you can probably get an upvote and some followers from open mic.
I wrote this one the other day called IndestructiBilly the Kid. We actually did a raw live version of it on Friday night (recording in Carrie's post HERE). I thought it was funny, but that's not always the best indicator... LOL
That is a long show... more than 2 hours. But it looks very cool.
Open mic opens each Friday so Carrie can actually enter that one by just changing the tag and title a little and nominating two people. Each person is allowed two entries per week. Get your creative juices going.
You are a lucky man.
She time-stamped where each individual sketch started. Just in case you wanted a sneak peak. Stand-alone post coming soon. :)
I know.
Ah great. I will check.
@carrieallen go get @chrisroberts to also join our comedic asylum in Discord: https://discord.gg/uy8KTds
LOL! Y'all asked for it....😎
now I know who's the boss 😛
I dunno, I'm reluctant to commit myself...
Just kidding... I sometimes pun. I'm in the channel now. ;)
Submitted? Submitted? I got submitted!!! You can submit me anytime! Thanks!
Hi @chrisroberts. I appreciate what you are doing and had a lot of laughs reading this. I want to nominate you make a post for @comedyopenmic. Reading your posts it doesn't have to be anything out of the ordinary for you. Just add the tag #comedyopenmic and tag two people and you are it.
Here is the official rules
And these weeks competition post
Have a great week^^
Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! I think we're going to do a pre-recorded audio production of this one, and a couple other sketches I've done for Steemstar After Dark.
I'd love to start tagging #comedyopenmic... Most of what I do here falls into comedy. :) Seems like a great community... open-minded even, and that's hard to find these days ;)
I'm with you! There's too much serious around and not enough funny. I noticed that right away when I got active on Steem. Never thought I'd be a comedy writer, but here we are.
Anyway, thanks for being so welcoming! I'm in the discord now, I'll be around :D
When the price of crypto decreases we all look for comedy. Your talent will be appreciated.
Shakespeare, Mozart even Jim Carey did comedy at one point.
This is the breast post I've read this week so far, thank you.
That is funny :D Good job!
Thanks! Honestly, this one could probably be episodic... I mean if these boobs are having conversations, there's a lot they could say. ;)
I'll always love them all equally :)
Lol, Righty and Lefty had an interesting conversation!
STOP