Carnif Geb of Vega - Steemwars Introduction

message transmitting to the galaxy…

Hello. Hello. Is this thing on? This is Carnif Geb of Vega. And I need help. Again.

Until recently, I was a cat. A domestic one with long black hair and rich emerald eyes. And it was pretty good while it lasted.

I’d taken form on a planet out in the boonies between two arms of one spiral in a plain little galaxy in the Virgo cluster. The locals called it Earth. It’s about as far away from everywhere as you can get.

Which is why it made such a great spot for the interdimensional beings I was hunting. On Earth, they took the form of cute little white mice. Lab mice. Rats, more like it.

I knew something was up when the dolphins left en masse. But that didn’t give me much time to do anything about it. Maybe two weeks, if I remember?

Luckily the human I lived with had some other humans over for a party. One of the latecomers had a peculiar smell that I recognized as Vegan Rhino. I followed the scent through the open door and eventually found his ship parked in Hampstead Heath. It wasn’t hidden at all, and nobody seemed to notice. Such is this world.

I waited until the smelly human came back with another human from the party, and snuck quietly aboard while the door was open. The Vegan Rhino aroma was thick inside and made me hungry for something from home. I set out snooping around the ship for the galley.

Properly prepared, Vegan Rhino requires the animal be slowly drowned in strawberries over a period of four days. This allows the beast to release two kinds of tasty and terrible amino acids which gives the dish its signature smell. Once thoroughly dead, a pot containing the Rhino is placed with the strawberries into a vat of boiling frog-grease. After fifteen minutes, and again at thirty minutes, the meat is flashed with a cyphron laser to give the surface a crunchy feel. It’s pretty good, if you like Vegan food.

When I’d finished off the Rhino, I found a comfy place under a console and took a nap. I had no idea we’d left the planet already. But when the improbability drive kicked in--well, you know how that gets.

Except you don’t do you? For a multidimensional, I mean. We already can become anything we want. During an improbability journey, we are everything whether we want it or not. It’s very painful. And we seldom end up the way we began. When the jump began I was a cat sleeping peacefully.

When the jump was over I was a humanoid with a half-cat face. I stood up on my feet and looked at my reflection in every mirrored surface.

I was a skinny male, naked and not particularly strong-looking. My arms and legs were hairier and my feet seemed to feel tougher on the soles. My ears were half-human, half-feline in shape but hairless. And my face! Whiskers. Slightly elongated nose and mouth with tight little lips. I could feel sharp fangs with my tongue. I smiled and sure enough, there they were.

We Vegan Alphas can change our appearance, but it takes some seriously hard work and tons of preparation. It’s not like we’re Shape-Shifters. If it hadn’t been for that damned improbability drive I’d have been a cat for several more years. I liked being a cat on Earth. Lots of massages.

There was no telling what another burst of improbability would do to me. I had to get off this ship. I found the escape pods and stole one. My plan was to make it back to Earth, but it’s gone. Now I’m floating around Galactic Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha hoping someone hears this message and responds.

Hello. This is Carnif Geb of Vega. And I need help. Is anybody listening?

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Thus is presented my character for the #steemwars parodies. Thanks to @gmuxx for the big push that got this ball rolling over at @thewritersblock. Want to learn more about it? Maybe even create a character and join in the fun? Click the link below to The Writers' Block discord channel and jump right in!

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