Fear
Daniela stood on the cliff, fear held her in its icy grip preventing her from moving forward. The Sea breeze whipped her hair as the waves smashed against the rocks below. Gulls above her screamed mocking her, as if making light of her fear.
“shut up, this is hard enough to do without your constant nagging” she cry’s out as she watched them gliding on the updrafts like kites on invisible strings.
“This time I’m going to do it you’ll see you laughing bastards, come down here and I will wring your scrawny necks!” she shouted back at them. She slid her foot forward toward the edge. It felt as if it was tied down with lead weights or was it just her imagination fueled by her fear?
What ever it is she was determined to overcome it and jump. She leaned out looking at the spray of the waves as they crashed on the rocks below, the mist on the updraft kissed her face blinding her momentarily. Wiping her face with her hand quickly she steps back taking a deep breath. Again, the gulls above her hover squawking their laughter that pierced her ears and grated on her nerves. She shook her fist at them in protest.
“will you shut up I am trying to concentrate here” she yells as she slides her foot close to the edge. She can feel the sea breeze strong and pushing against her as if trying to push her away from the edge.
“OK then here I go!” she yells as she takes a leap. Down, down, down she falls her heart beating hard. She regretted her decision on the way down, the wind whistling past her the sea rushing up to meet her. She hit the water hard sinking like a rock, her breath taken from her and replaced with a burning pain. Her arms and legs moved frantically to pull herself to the surface as the Sea roared in her ears. Upon breaking surface, she could hear the cheers of her friends as they bobbed and waved at her a short distance away. She turns and looks up at the cliff. She had done it.
for the #story-mentor group. You can read about the assignment here..
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Hahaha! I liked how you twisted it at the end. Well done!
When you go back over the story, take a look at your punctuation. I read mine over and over again, saying it to myself to hear for the natural pauses. When you pause, it's a comma and when you stop, put in a full stop.
If you'd like more feedback, I can take another look, let me know :)
Nicely done and welcome to the 'group'.
I was in a bit of a rush. I can write stories but when it comes to punctuation and such I am a mess...lol
Thank you for liking my story it did take some thought but once I started it began to flow.
Well done! I like the tension you built up (with humour, lol), and that "regret" bit at the end.
Thank you I am glad you enjoyed it
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