Story: Death warms up
When it happened, I was reading my morning newspaper. My coffee steamed itself delicately on the corner table in the patio. The sun being a little more agreeable fellow this day, had blessed the yard with a golden lancet usually reserved for summer. I fondly stroked the worn out grips of my bamboo chair as I contemplated its unassuming loyalty to me. It had stayed with me for thirty years comporting me through my moody mornings. I was reading the newspaper as is my wont which included every word on every line on every single page. My wife of many days, Nasira, was out gardening on the little patch at the far corner of the yard. My youngest daughter, Raji, was still in bed huddling under the sheets. Raji’s older sister, Janvi, was humming in the kitchen stirring the vegetable stew whose delicate aroma wafted gently alongside the morning breeze. My day, as others before it, started to stretch itself into mid morning and that is when I felt it.
It was insidious at first, creeping slowly into my legs. I poked at my lower extremities and they were numb. I folded the newspaper and tried swatting at my toes but I could not feel them. I tried to tuck my feet under me and I found that they refused to move. They might as well have been table legs and to my growing surprise, they did not budge despite straining every single sinew. I used to get these bouts of numbness followed by the delicious pain of tingling but this was different. It seemed colder throughout my body and it never let up. It crawled stealthily up until my thighs were affected and eventually my hips. My entire lower body seemed to have taken root. Now that I was aware of it, all pretenses were dropped as it surged upwards past my lungs, through my heart and all the way up to my head. I found myself being pushed relentlessly with nowhere to go. The pressure was so intense that I felt myself thinning at a furious rate until I was some sort of diaphanous entity. But the squeeze never let up and I was pushed out through the nose into my home.
I floated away and to my great distress several parts of me stuck everything they encountered. I was on the walls, tables, chairs, bathrooms and even inside the cupboards.
I could not speak nor move of my own volition but I found that I could see and hear everything that was happening in the house. I looked at my body and what I saw befuddled me. It was reading the newspaper as if nothing had ever happened. It was sitting in my favorite chair and drinking my coffee. It was me but not me!
Nasir came in from the yard wiping her hands on her apron and smiled at the familiar pose struck by Jeev. She loved the way he would lovingly hold the newspaper as if he had written it himself. She put her hands on his shoulders and gave him a little peck on his lips. She was startled when he gave her a vacant smile and went back to reading the newspaper.
There was something odd about his smile and Nasira was all woman where such matters were concerned. She decided the best strategy was to not brace him for experience had taught her that he would react very sharply to a frontal assault. Instead she went silently into the kitchen and asked Janvi to go fetch his coffee. Janvi was lissome, tall and talkative. She was also the perfect pick-me-up for her father. Janvi went with a rustle of her skirt and picked up the coffee cup to find that Jeev was looking at her a little strangely. His eyes did not give out the usual warmth when he looked at her and that made her pause. He was definitely disturbed about something, she decided. On an impulse she went over, sat on his lap and asked him if he was ok. There was no reply as he merely stared at the sunlight as if he had never seen one before. He did not hug her and did not even kiss her like he normally did.
Janvi found all this very disturbing but she was a mature girl much inclined to let time have its way. She got up and patted him on his cheek as she walked away back into the kitchen. Nasira was waiting for her and as soon as she entered the kitchen she asked Janvi whether her father was alright. Janvi said “Mother, he is just sitting in that chair of his and looking at the sunrise. He seemed to be a little lost in his thoughts. I will talk to him a little later”. With that, Janvi swept out of the kitchen and headed to her room so that she could resume her studying. Janvi was smart, studious and mightily focused on becoming a lawyer.
Nasira decided her second course of action and roused Raji. Raji jumped up like a human spring and without brushing her teeth ran to her father. She hugged him tightly all the while chattering to him gaily about what she had planned for school. But there was no sign that he had heard her at all. Raji burst into tears and ran to her mother who held her closely and attempted to console her. Raji who loved her father like only a young girl could was not to be comforted.
Nasira was by now really worried that something was seriously wrong with Jeev. She stood for some time undecided on her next course of action. She followed Raji into her room who was still sniffling on the bed. She hugged her asking her not to worry and that her father would be alright when she returned home from school. Raji’s youthful resilience took over and she got herself ready, pickup her lunch and bounced away to the bus stop. Jeev gave no sign that he had heard anything and went on staring glassily at the ever brightening sun.
The day wore on going through its perambulations; the sun rose steadily, heat inched up, clouds formed in small clumps and shadows slowly lengthened. Nasira had finished lunch and she went to fetch Jeev. She noticed that there was no change in his disposition and in fact he seemed to be lolling to one side. “Should I call a doctor?” she wondered. She shook him by the shoulder and he turned his head towards her looking at her sightlessly. She asked if he wanted food but there was no response. He kept looking at her without any change in his expression. Nasira was so close to breaking down but with a supreme effort she controlled herself. Jeev’s lack of interest shocked her for she had never seen him like this in all their years together. When she urged him to stand up, to her everlasting surprise he did so and walked without any help into the bedroom. He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling taking no further notice of Nasira.
Evening made its mark and the first evidence was Raji running in from the bus stop. She flung her books on the chair and hugged her mother. Raji always lit up the house as she bounded from one corner of the house to the other. Her relentless energy seemed at odds to the almost funereal atmosphere in the house. Nasira sat with Raji listening to her stories from school all the while stroking and brushing her air out. It was always a therapeutic moment for Nasira to feel her daughter’s springy hair. Raji kept on chattering away about her best friend Mali and it was impossible for Nasira to listen whole heartedly like she usually did. All of a sudden she realized that Raji had stopped talking and instead was staring at her.
Raji said “Mother, what is wrong? Why are you not paying attention?” Nasira burst out in tears and the crying shook her body in great gasps. Raji was alarmed and ran inside to fetch Janvi. Janvi took charge immediately. She got Nasira to sit down in the kitchen and poured her a cup of coffee. She asked Raji to bring a glass of water and a towel. She dipped the towel in the water and started soothing Nasira’s face. It took a long time for Nasira to stop crying.
Finally, Janvi asked her “Mother dear, why are you crying. Let us know and we will make everything alright”. Fresh tears started when Nasira heard Janvi’s words. But this time she steeled herself and finally said “I think that your father is in trouble. He seems to have lost interest in everything. He has neither eaten nor has he uttered a word. He does not even hear us. I don’t know what to do!”
Janvi said “I know, let us call Dr Anish. He will fix him, right?”
This shook Nasira from her stupor and she asked her daughters to remain inside and ran to the Elixir Hospital. Dr. Anish was just going home and when he saw Nasira flying down the driveway, he slowed down waiting for her to reach him.
Nasira told him about Jeev’s troubles explaining the events of the entire day.
Dr. Anish asked her “How long has he been like this. You should have called me immediately!” He ran inside, got his bag and accompanied her back to the house. Dr. Anish asked the women to stay outside while he went in to the room and examined Jeev. He spent a lot of time inside and finally came out with a somber look on his face. He herded them all into the living room and gave them the bad news.
He said “Jeev is in some sort of coma. I cannot verify the exact nature of it without further testing. This is a very unusual form that I have not seen ever. His legs are not moving and his eyes are not reacting as well. He is breathing normally, but his pulse is far lower than it should be. Please bring him to the hospital tomorrow.”
Nasira voiced the question that was on all their lips “Is he going to die?”
Dr Anish replied “I am sorry but I cannot tell you anything at this juncture. Right now he seems to be in no danger.”
The three of them stood huddled together unable to believe what the doctor had said. He gave them a sympathetic wave and let himself out. Raji who was incredibly attached to her father immediately broke out into tears. Janvi folded her arms around Raji consoling her and the two of them were joined by Nasira who desperately tried to find the strength to hold her flock together.
It was after a long time that Janvi disengaged herself and said “all right, who is going to keep first watch?”
Raji volunteered to go first and Nasira’s heart went out to her brave little daughter. Raji picked up her books and sat on the bed with her father. She read all her story books aloud in the hope that he would somehow listen. But there was no movement from his eyes which were completely closed now. His chest rose and fell in short breaths but the rest of his body remained like a log. Poor Raji could not help but cry a little when she looked at him lying down unable to help himself.
Raji took her father’s cold hands in her own and stroked it saying “Dear father, I was so annoyed with you today morning when you did not hug me. I thought of this all the way to school. I was really angry and when I came back I wanted to tell you how much it hurt. But you know what? I have counted the number of times you have hugged me from the time I was in first grade. You have done it exactly 15000 times. Every time you hugged me I would make a little mark in my diary and I would count it every week. But I still want you to hug me every single day of my life. When you hug me your arms crush my body to pieces but I love it. When you kiss me, your beard scratches my face and leaves little red marks on it. I come home every day hoping that you will be there to throw me up into the air and catch me like always. You are the best father that any child could wish for or need. My friends are all so jealous because you are so good looking. You remember Mali? She always wants to come and meet you when you are there. She likes you very much and always calls you JJ! I was so jealous that I never told you about it. Remember how you taught me cycling one day? You made me get on the cycle and pushed me down a slope. Mother was so upset at you but I only ever fell off once. I love it when you swim with me in the pool. You are like this great big shark and I am your little pilot fish that follows you around without being eaten. You have taken me to so many fun places that other kids never had the chance to visit. You give me such lovely gifts all of which I positively adore. I will never forget my 8th birthday when you took me to the puppy farm and I played all day with them. Did I ever tell you that you are the most wonderful story reader that I have ever come across? I enjoy it when you read the fairy stories to me in that crazy voice of yours. I love it when we play Hansel and Gretel. We would visit the kitchen which so obviously was the witch’s house. We would eat everything in sight until mother pushed us out. I like to ask you questions about the stars and love those funny names you make up! The Tooting Star! Moony Loony! Lou Vega! I have them all written in my diary and I share them with my friends. They are so jealous that I have such a funny dad. You are kind and you never lose your temper at me. Did you know that Romi’s dad beats her regularly? Romi always wishes that she could run away from home and stay with us. But I never told you this because I was afraid that you would call her dad. Please father, say that you will come back. Please tell me something for I miss you terribly!”
Raji outpouring exhausted her and she slept holding her father’s hand and that is precisely how Janvi found her an hour later. Shaking Raji awake, Janvi looked at her tear streaked face and kissed her gently. She led her into their room and waited until she was asleep. She covered her with the bed spread and returned back to her father’s room. On the way she noticed that her mother had fallen asleep at the table. “Poor thing she must be so worried” thought Janvi.
Janvi sat down beside her father and looked at him. His skin had turned a little sallow and he felt a little colder. She covered him with a warm blanket and massaged his hands. His hands were always a thing of beauty because of his artistic capabilities. The fingers were wonderfully long and nails were neatly trimmed. Small veins crisscrossed the back of his hands looking like a network of streams flowing down to the tips of his fingers. She sat with him until the clock struck 12 watching for any signs of movement. But there was none and that saddened her.
Janvi had not hugged her father in ages, she did now with all her strength and spoke in a whisper that only he could hear “I am a big girl now and it is only thanks to you that I am confident in life. I remember you telling me to go on the bus by myself even though mother never thought it was safe. But though it was difficult in the beginning I have now learnt to handle people in a crowd. Did you know that just the other day; there was a bully who was teasing another girl. I shouted at him and asked all the other people in the bus to support the poor girl. When she gratefully thanked me I told her that it was because of your upbringing. You always told me to be fearless and confident. Do you recollect the photo hanging on the wall right next to your dresser? It is that day when I decided to become a lawyer. You introduced me to Mr. Rivdas that day and told me how great he was as a lawyer. You told me that you admired him because he represented people who did not have money to fight cases by themselves. I swore to myself that day, I would fight for justice in our courts for people who needed it. All through my life you have told me to aim as high as I could and to be the best. One day when I was at school, the principal called me and told me that you were one of the best parents that he had ever met. He told me that you were always well behaved; you never complained and always asked children to respect their teachers. I felt like a queen at school from that day onwards. I don’t know if I ever will meet a man like you but if I do I hope that he will like you as much I do. I hope that he understands what a principled person you are and follows your lead. From the day I was born, you have been my role model and I have looked up to you in everything I do. Now that I have grown up I want you to be there when I graduate, approve the man I may marry and look after your grandchildren. Please don’t leave me now when I need you the most”
All of a sudden, Nasira woke up. It was 2AM and she hurried to the room to find Janvi rubbing her father’s legs. Nasira told her to go to sleep and that she would take care of Jeev. She could see that Janvi had been crying too. She ushered here out and came back to find that Jeev’s legs were indeed very cold. There was a slightly bluish tinge to his lips. She got a hot pack and applied it onto his legs. She kissed his lips and tried to warm them with her mouth. She looked down at his peaceful face and felt all her love for him flowing through her. She lay down beside him, locked her legs around his waist just like she always did and laid her head on his chest. The rhythm of his breathing was shallow and his heart beat steadily.
Nasira turned his head to her side and said “My love, you have been the very epitome of my existence. In all these years I have never looked at any man except you. The first day when you kissed me on my lips, my heart beat like a drum. Feel my heart for it has never stopped its adoration for you. You have been my rock, my calm in a crisis and my island in a storm. There are times when I would have not gotten through the day without your arms around me urging me onwards. There are many times when I have snapped at you for no reason at all but you never took umbrage. When we got married, you made a promise to me that you would never ever shout at me for anything. That promise has been kept for 30 long years and not once did you come close to breaking it. If ever there was heaven on earth, then I have lived it. If ever there was the elixir of life then I have tasted it. I remember how you held our babies in your arms when they were born. There are many times that I would wake up in the middle of the night to find you hunched over them, rocking them to sleep so that they would not wake me up. My life has been a journey full of joy and happiness because of the man I married. I shudder to think of what would have happened if I had not met you in the canteen that fateful day. I wonder at what could have happened if you had not tripped and hit your head on the bench that I was sitting on. I remember holding your head in my lap and thinking that you were the most handsome man that I had ever seen in my life. After all these years, your hair has grayed, the wrinkles have crept closer to your eyes, teeth are a little yellow and your feet look a little out of sorts. But you know what? I love you more than ever because I have grown older too. Just the other day, when you were tying my ruby necklace around my throat I caught you looking at my face with the so much admiration. I realized that our life has only gotten better with age. You are still gracious, undemanding and kind. I feel lucky that I met a man who has not discarded me as my breasts drooped, my stomach gained flab and my face wrinkled up like a prune. It has been so long that I don’t think I can ever go through life all alone. I need you here with me telling me that I am still beautiful and that you still love me. Don’t ever leave me!”
Nasira slept intertwined with Jeev in a deep sleep that took both of them to the edge of sunrise.
It started slowly but I could feel energy surging back into each of my separated parts. Suddenly I was aware of a gradual attraction that built deep inside me. It pulled all of me to the core and I was conjoined again into a cloud. I was deeply aware that I had a role to do without knowing what it was. The sight of my sleeping form stirred a primal chord inside me and I flowed towards it. I slid inside the nose and pushed myself up into the body. I found that a deep abiding blackness all around. It was oppressive and cloying with a feral odor. But the knowledge was within me and I expanded myself using all my abilities and started exerting pressure on everything around me. Gradually the blackness receded from my head through my lungs and down to my abdomen. Mercilessly I fought with all my power and kept on pushing until it seeped right out of my body and I was the only one inside. As I watched, it coalesced and then disappeared. I realized that my numbness had gone and that I could move my legs. Nasira woke up and I felt complete. Morning was here again.