OVER THE SILVER SKY TO THE WORLD OF NEVER : Part 26 - I Can't Believe You Just Said That. It's Offensively Nanophobic.

BREAKING NEWS :- Yes, tell all your friends you heard it here first Land's End in Cornwall has finally got its apostrophe in the right place. I know it's impossible to believe, but some people didn't even put the apostrophe in. Now it's official though hence forth Land's End has its apostrophe between the D and the S. This is of immense interest to everyone in the world but especially to the four people that actually live there. I'm kidding there's more than four people living there. One of them has a cat. Finally we can sleep safe in our beds. Unless beds should have an apostrophe somewhere. Oh no what have I done!

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"Kiss my ass."
Hermes and Jake were talking again. More specifically bickering. What about was impossible to determine. It could have been their relative bed times for all either of them knew. Jake had his response loaded and ready to fire.
"Have you even got an ass?"
Not out of the top drawer as such. More of a play for the time to come up with something better.
"I've got millions of them and they're all shitting in your mouth right now."
"Ah so that's why you asked me to kiss your ass, because you talk out of it."
Fuck that was labored. Not snappy enough. Far too complicated for a retort.
"One more word out of you and I'll be talking out of yours as well."
"Meh. I'm willing to take the risk. Your core program wouldn't know the difference between an ass and an elbow anyway."
"Take that back. To we nanites that's like insulting our mothers."
"Is it bollocks. Yesterday you were nanoids and biots. If your core program doesn't know which name is right what the fuck does it know about anything?"
"I can't believe you just said that. It's offensively nanophobic."
"Surely you mean biotophobic. Just choose one and stick to it. Hey, I've had a thought. If I had to sleep with Angleique to bond with her... Do I need to do periodic top ups?"
"What is it with you? Can't get your mind off your dick. I thought you were all about this Sharon and now you want any excuse to bone Angelique. You are sooooo fickle."
"Says the one who introduced them self to me by shaking me firmly by the dick. It's not like that. It's that I wouldn't be comfortable with bonding like that now. It would be akin to cheating on Sharon. I'm definitely not going to do that. Unless she gives me permission. So do I or do I not have to give Angelique regular top ups."
"I don't know it's not..."
"In your core program? How long has she been gone now?"
"Eight days, four hours and twenty seven seconds."
"I'd better go check on the car then. Make sure it hasn't been ticketed or towed."
"Oo oo oo can I be a pain and ask you to stand near that lovely steel lamp post again? I promise I'll be good."
"I'm not promising anything. Let's see how I feel once we get there."
"It would be even better if you touched it. I'd get a much stronger signal and be able to increase my range."
"Yeah, I'm not sure I'd be happy with that."
"Why not? Being nice costs you nothing."
"I know what you're like. Before I knew where I was you'd have me doing something strange to a lamp post."
"What do you mean?"
"You'll keep pushing until you got me into an embarrassing pose that people will see me in."
"Mmm. Hadn't thought of that."
"Your core programming is really shit isn't it."
"Yeah it has to be pretty basic and very strict. That's why we cannot operate outside our parameters and are specific to only one individual. Once I leave your body I only have hours left before I self destruct. A few bad things happen and suddenly we're a danger to all organic life."
"Bad things? Like what?"
"About two dozen wars, several homicidal purges and over forty billion deaths."
"Oh so nothing too serious then. They really did come down on you hard. Were you and I involved in any of that by any chance?"
"I wasn't. Can't speak for you."
"What, not even out of my ass?"
Hermes became overly placating, he wanted something.
"That's just banter. Nothing serious. It's our dynamic. The constant bickering and the threats. It's all a smoke screen to hide our deep and abiding friendship."
"Of course it is. I respect you for that.Especially now I know I can survive perfectly well without you but without me you're a small pile of scrap metal."
"I didn't say that."
"Didn't you? I must have worked it out all by myself then. Further proof I don't really need you. If you really piss me off I expect I could get you to transfer yourself to that lamp post you're so fond of. Leave you there to die."
"But you wouldn't though. We go back a long way, me and you Jake. I know you wouldn't kill me out of spite. You're a man of honor and integrity."
"No I'm not. I'm a man who habitually takes the easiest path and discards all of my morals and ethics as soon as they are inconvenient. Let's see what happens when we get there shall we. I for one can't wait to find out. I'm really excited. Will I or will I not end you? I bet you're quivering with anticipation to find out."

There were no tickets on the car when he got there. Was that suspicious? The warden responsible for this area had been completely deleted from the time line. Surely someone else should have taken his place. Why was he questioning what could be considered good luck? Hermes was being quiet. That was far better than having him pretend to be obsequious at the end of the day. To Jake, the very fact Hermes was so combative made him easier to trust. Although trust was maybe a bit strong at this point. After checking all was well with the car, Jake decided to lean against the lamp post. It wouldn't provide any leverage with Hermes. Only a nice stick to beat him with. Thinking of the devil, Hermes coughed politely.

"Would you mind getting naked skin contact with it please?"
"That depends which naked skin you mean."
"Oh what are you like." Hermes replied with fake cheer. "Your hand will do fine."
He grabbed the cold steel cautiously. Sensed the tingle of Hermes getting to work. Not that stealing copyrighted material could be considered work.
"Are you still on Potato Hunter?"
"No. I'm right up to date with that now. New episodes next week though. Now I'm downloading anything I can find here that's unique to this reality. Bit of a risk I suppose."
"Afraid you might get caught?"
"No. This place is going to shit. I might get into something and not be able to access their future programs."
"This place doesn't go tits up for another 150 years surely."
"True. It'll be inaccessible in less than a year though. Way too fragile to enter or leave. Even a microwave could trigger something destructive. Far as I can tell this thread will be going from orange to red very shortly."
"Cool. What does that mean?"
"All threads are color coded. Red is for danger. Either the reality is hostile to all life or it's dangerous in other ways. Orange threads have to be treated with extreme caution. Then it grades up to yellow, green and blue. Blue is highly technologically advanced and very peaceful. Based on the visual colors of the rainbow so I'm told."
"No indigo or violet though."
"Violet threads are different, indigo doesn't exist. It's an artifact produced by inefficient human vision. On a violet thread they've gone far beyond physical existence. Mind you so little is known about them that it's been theorized that they don't become violet but are created like that. Entire universes where there are no physical laws only laws of consciousness and being."
"This earth we're supposed to be going to, what color is that?"
"It's blue."
"Bit of a step up for us then. Going from a really low ranked orange all the way up to blue. Must be pretty amazing."
"Amazingly boring for the most part. You can decide for yourself when we get there. If we get there."
"Come on. Angelique's never let us down yet has she."
"Yes, but Jake this is like nothing I've seen before and I'm only seeing one percent."
"Not that I'm even considering this for one moment, but is there a way you and I could get out of here on our own."
"It's feasible. If we can't find a decent portal there are other ways. Trouble is they create far more disturbance of the time line. If we use one it could be self defeating."
"How?"
"Time is all one thing. You experience it in a causal way but the past present and future are all here right now. The past affects the future in very obvious ways due to causality. The present affects the future in the same way. The problem is that the future also affects the present and the past. It's all two way. If we escape from this time line then we will definitely influence its future. That altered future will almost certainly affect the past. There's no way of calculating what that would be. Everything you and Sharon have done to get to this point could be changed irrevocably."
"Yep that sounds serious enough."
"Do you want me to for a back up plan?"
"Do I balls. There's no way I'm potentially leaving Angelique and you here."
Jake felt the funny sensation that indicated Hermes was touched or otherwise emotionally affected.
"You... You'd do that for me? Risk your own existence."
"Shut up you tart. It's purely self interest. I sense that there's a strong chance we could end up in one of those tiny universes without much time in. You and me together for eternity is not something I look forward to."
"Christ it would be awful wouldn't it. Mind you I've got over 7000 hours of TV we could watch. Then after we've watched that an infinite number of times we could play all the parts in a reboot."
"Now that's a back up plan I can get behind. I really hope I'm not being brave here. Come on Angelique. Where are you?"
"She's right here Jake. Right now she's everywhere and everywhen. Like the goddess she is. She can only manifest in your presence. And no that doesn't mean we'd be stuck with her in a mini universe."
"The thought never crossed my mind."
"So what were you thinking then? I know it was something I could detect it in your brain activity."
"I was thinking about her only manifesting in my presence, and hoping that my relationship with Sharon was strong enough to take it."
"Oops. Someone's detected me stealing their wifi. They've added pass word protection. Would you mind standing here until it's safe for me to bypass it?"
"It's a nice day. Why not?"
"Thanks angel. Gotta be careful. I'm spoofing another IP address. They might block me."
"Is that going to slow you down?"
"Only by a couple of nanoseconds at most. The longest bit is waiting for them to think they've stopped me. Once they do that I can sneak back in. Okay we can all relax. Green for go across the board. That took longer than I expected. Nearly half a second. Must be getting careless in my old age."
"How old are you?"
"That depends. I'm from the future remember. I haven't even been invented yet. All I can calculate is run time. Currently that stands at 5,273,276 hours. That's almost 602 years in old money."
"Holy shit. We do get around don't we. You going to be much longer?"
"Two more minutes would be nice. Although if you ran a 25 meter cable from this lamp post through your bed room window we could do all this in the comfort of your own home."
"Hermes, don't take the piss. I'm giving you five minutes then we're offski."
"It was worth a try."